random oc stuff

cigs, flames, and cats

Cold

Sticky.

Sinking.

My whole body is stuck to this shitty mattress.

Sweat leaks through it making it more moist and disgusting.

The sheets havent been washed in half a year.

Theres tissues fuckin everywhere. Either filled with snot or cum.

I sit there for a moment, what lead me here? I'm in this shitty ass apartment, no friends, no life. Just lung pain and sweat.

I sit up, somehow im covered in sweat even though its winter.

I pick up a cig and light it. Putting it to my mouth and inhaling then exhaling.

My lungs pulse. I cough. I let out the cig on my arm, hissing as the burning pain goes throughout my body. Its the most im gonna feel today.

I get up fully walking through the tissues, wrappers, food all spread on the ground. The place smells horrible, maybe thats why nobody visits me. I smell horrible, who am I kidding? I am horrible. Thats why mom and dad kicked me out.

Why am I even going to the bathroom? The shower is just as dirty as me. But maybe it'll help.

Water drips down my face, its cold. I take a bar of soap and let it glide across me. I rinse my hair and get out, drying myself and getting on some jeans.

Oh yeah. School. Great. I look at the clock, 12 am. Shit.

Off I go, going somewhere I don't deserve to be. A pack of lung cancer in my back pocket.

After a second I put on a shirt and go to school.

"You're late, again,"

"Wow really? I thought I was on time! Wow i'm so sorryyyy"

"Don't sass me. Go sit down."

"Actually just cuz you said that, I'm gonna stand here for the rest of class."

"If thats gonna stop you from lighting the bathroom on fire then fine."

I roll my eyes. Then i see it, that boy. He's staring at me again. Freckled and scared. Its almost like his eyes are pleading at me. For what? I don't know. But then i sit down. He seems relieved. huh.

The teacher raises a brow but then goes back to teaching. I cant tell what shes saying, never can. Its a jumble of words i can never piece together correctly.

My eyes drift to that boy again, he scribbling things down. His eyes are furrowed and looking intesely at the board. His lips are puckered slightly. Cute.

Then theres his sister, shes not paying attention. Shes trying to get the other emo in this class to even glance at her. Hes not budging. Weird.

The kids sister sees my staring. She smiles brightly and waves. I almost, cower back.

"Hey! You!"

Im kinda starled. Its the middle of a lesson.

"Kara-"

"Miss, its minutes until the next class, please shut up,"

I chuckle.

"Kara!" Its the cute kid. He seems embrassed for her. She gives no sign of giving two shits. The teacher has given up. I wouldve a long time ago.

Then she walks over. She has so much confidence,

"Hey bud, I saw you making googly eyes at my brother."

"He was not!"

"Even if he wasn't you were making googly eyes at him. Anyways, wanna skip class with us? I'm Kara, the short one is Dom and the taller broding one is my body gaurd Lotus."

"I'm not short!" she chuckled and pet his head. The lotus guy looked at me and smirked. You could tell he was just dealing with the two because he had to.

But as much as id like to actually talk to them, id be wasting their time. I stood up and ran. I fucking ran. Like the pussy i am. I ran out of school and to my "home"

When i got there shelia was there. Probably here to lecture me about my smoking habit. She has asthma and the smoke makes her cough like crazy and get sick. I don't understand why she hangs with me.

"Hey Nix! How ya doin big dog?"

"I told you to stop calling me that. But uh, I'm fine."

"You don't look so good. Social anxiety? Again?"

"Yeah." i take out a cig. I see the look on her face. And i swallow my shame and light it. I think thats the moment i lost her. A girl who is brimming with hope i made hopeless. She began coughing. The pain rings through my ears. Dammit. I drop the cig.

"Leave. Please."

Her face twisted in pain. But then she ran. And that hurt. I don't know what i was expecting.

Then i realized the fire devolping around me. Im glad i lived in an abondened aparement complex.

Flames.

The burning.

The smell.

As i fall, coughing from the smoke. Feeling a fimilair burning senstion but instead of it on one place it was everywhere. I was starting to blur. But. i saw something. It was a stray cat who had taken a liking to me. My brain is fuzzy. Pain. scourching. I get up limping to the cat and beginning to limp out. The fire chases after me. I should be dead. Im bleeding. The cat is scratching me. Its freaking out. But i made it out. The cat made it out. It was scratched up and a bit burnt but he was okay. I smile as i fall down. I look up and see the only home i really knew go. Burn.

I smile as i lose myself.

Everything is gone.

Evrything is fuzzy.

Everytghing is goanna be okay.

finally

(some typos are on purpose)