Who I really love (Sora x Riku)

Part 4

(Riku's POV)

I hold my breath as I open the door to my house. As it creaks loudly I wince. Potentially waking up the tyrant of a father was a terrible idea. I enter the building. My father lies there on the couch, passed out with an alcohol bottle barely remaining in his hand. I debate about waking him up for a moment. If I woke him up in his drunken state he'd probably end up killing me, but if I didn't it would ignore the point of coming home. I decide that I'll go up to my room, and if he wakes up himself later I'll show my face. I go to the stairs but the first one I put pressure on creaks loudly. My heart sinks as I hear my father slur something, stirring from his slumber. I try to climb the stairs swiftly to get away from there before the bomb could explode, but I get half way up before I hear his yells.

"Get the hell down here, boy!" I don't dare defy his orders right now so I head back down as told, heart racing and full of terror. I try to regain my composure as I re-entered the living room, to no avail. He stands there looking menacing, the bottle in his hand adding to the threat. His face was red from the anger and alcohol. I felt small and weak, something my father was a veteran at making me feel. "Where've you bloody been? With that mongrel of a boy again!?"

"His name is Sora!" I yell at him, the anger rise up in me, nobody insults Sora, especially a drunk, abusive man like him.

"Don't take that tone with me, you piece of shit," he snarls.

I didn't want to give in to him but his eyes were shooting daggers at me and I couldn't keep his gaze. "Sorry. Yes, I was with him, sir," I admit quietly not looking into his eyes.

"I don't want you hanging out with him. That boy makes you fight back against me. He makes you happy, doesn't he? Do you think you deserve happiness?"

I stay silent. I did deserve to be happy. Sora would tell me that, wouldn't he?

"Answer me! You don't deserve to be happy, do you?" he raises the bottle in his hand, pointing it at me. Tears were going to overflow.

I had to hold on, I wasn't going to give in to him. But if I didn't I'd get hurt. If I was hurt I'd get over it, but Sora would be worried if he saw. Giving in would let him down, though. "Why shouldn't I be happy, father? I deserve to smile just as much as everyone else!" I momentarily felt proud. I could feel my precious Sora cheering me on if he knew.

Any good feeling is shattered however as I see my father's face go red as he struggles to say anything, absolutely livid. He throws the bottle across the room, aiming for my head, narrowly missing me but pieces shattering everywhere on impact with the wall beside me. I felt something sting my face and a small amount of silver hair glisten as it was cut. I smelt the blood and felt it's disturbing, icky warmth as it trickled down my face. A glass shard had sliced open my cheek. My father was still red, growling angrily like some demon. I choke on a fearful sob as he stumbles over to me, raising his fist. I want to run or fight back but I'm too petrified to move and the throbbing of my cheek was killing my ability to think.

"Brat, aren't worthy of life. You're a leeching parasite that worked your bitch of a mother to the bone, she's dead because of you. I won't tolerate you back talking me and if you do again, I will eliminate your source of rebelliousness – that boy you care so much for. You understand?"

He punches me in the stomach and I double over. He kicks me to the floor. I attempt to get up but it's futile, he pushes me right back down again. The pain is intolerable. His threats... With his temper he might... He could and maybe even would... kill Sora... If it was just me getting injured, I could bare it but he has the nerve to insult my mother and threaten Sora. I couldn't let that go, but if I tried to fight, what could I do but get myself murdered or wounded, or worse, Sora killed?

"So, are you worthy of anything but misery, boy?"

"No. I shouldn't be happy. I haven't earned that privilege at all, father." I almost could believe the answer I gave him. I couldn't defend myself or my mother's name or Sora. What was I good for? What did I deserve but misery? Between the pain and those thoughts I let out a barely audible sob, but my luck allowed my father to hear it.

"Dry it up, boy. You have no reason to cry. I've got work to feed your stinking face. Honestly, with the liability and mess you are, I'd doubt that Sora or any other of your pathetic friends actually could care about you." He leaves, slamming the door on the way out.

I curl up on the floor, struggling to even breathe. Was my father right? Why did Sora care? Why did anyone? I'd hurt them with the darkness before, I'd been weak. In the end did I really matter after all I did? My own mother... Had she really kill herself because of me? A year earlier she had shot herself, everybody had said it was because of my father, but could it have been me? Misery... I could see so many reasons why I should suffer...

But Sora... Sora didn't think that! Sora's love was stronger than my father's hate. I shouldn't be doubting him. His smile was always true, he was a precious angel and MY precious angel at that. He would tell me what an idiot I was being, doubting our friendship and how much he cared.

I attempt to calm myself. My emotions are not the true problem right now. My sides are aching and cheek throbbing as I try to sit up. I felt like throwing up. I pulled out my gummi phone to check the time. A bit past midnight. I'd laid there for an hour at least. If my father came back and saw me still lying here he'd beat me again, I had to get up. I had also promised Sora I'd text him. I hoped he was still awake, I didn't need more guilt thrown on top of my already crippling feelings. First thing was first however. I had to clean up the bottle shard and blood before the monster returned. I picked myself up with too much pain. How was I going to clean like this? I take a deep breath. I'll manage. I'll zone out and just do it.

I spent half an hour cleaning up. I didn't even know how I did it, my mind was not present as I cleaned. I just know that after the room was spotless and I felt like I was a walking corpse.

I drag myself up the stairs to my room and lay on the bed, not having the energy nor willpower to move or think about anything, but then Sora came to mind. I found myself smiling. I said I'd text him, and I would. I needed a distraction from this mess of a night anyway. I pull out my gummi phone and see that Sora had left multiple messages trying to get my attention since I'd left him what felt like a century ago. I didn't know how to greet him. My father's words had not left me. I wanted to make absolutely sure that I could ignore what that monster had said, so I began to type.

You love me, right?

It sounded so silly. He had said and shown it so much over the last few days. It would comfort me just to have him say it again. My father was wrong but I felt so dead on the inside, so much like a burden. Only his words would do anything to overcome that. I sent the message. I didn't have to wait long. Sora replied almost the second I sent it. I somehow felt like laughing at his dedication. He might've been sitting there in his room staring at the phone for hours knowing him. I was grateful. I couldn't ask for a more perfect boyfriend.

What kind of silly question is that? You know the answer already. I can't live without you.

Hmmm. He may have not said the actual words but it was more than good enough. The phone dinged again.

You're okay, right, Riku? Going home went alright?

I sigh. He didn't want to upset me but I know he knew more than he let on about my home life, he had always seen past what I told him, more so than ever lately. I wasn't gonna worry him with this though.

Yeah it went okay. I'm just a bit tired and assignments just have me feeling a bit down, just needed reassurance that my time with you wasn't some dream.

XD Okay Riku. You better get some rest. See ya tomorrow. I love you!

Love you too.

I would keep talking but I was in too much pain and too tired. I turn off the phone and fall asleep the second my head falls on the pillow.