Who I really love (Sora x Riku)

Part 7

(Riku's POV)

My eyes flicker open to be blinded by the overwhelming morning light. The hellish pain that was numbed by my unconsciousness returns swiftly, the renewed throbbing excruciating. After several minutes of laying where I was, I attempt pull myself to my feet but I immediately come crashing back down. It's nearly time for school to start and I wonder how the hell I was gonna get there, and why I'd even bother going. From the way my father put it, I had no future, death was the only escape. Sora was in danger because of me, but not being around him when he was so close was too painful.

Then my thoughts become darker. Death was an escape... My body nor heart wouldn't ache anymore... Sora would eventually move on... My father wouldn't have the satisfaction of hurting me anymore...

What am I thinking? My father would likely be happy and I've overcome things equally as big before! And Sora... Sora wouldn't move on so simply! I take a deep breath and immediately feel stronger. I had to keep going for me, for my mother, and especially Sora.

Despite being able to block out most of the pain, it's still nearly impossible for me to arrive on time for school at my current slow pace. The whole morning as I prepare it's an internal battle whether I ditch or not, until there's a knock on the door. I open it and it's who else but Sora. I half wanted to hug him tight but I also want to yell at him. I open it and it's Sora. I half want to hug him, but the other half of me wants yell at him. What if my father had been home? Of course we end up in a hug because of his silly, lovable smile, but afterwards I cannot help but scold him a little.

"Why the hell are you here? You know my father's not in a good mood lately! He might've hurt you if he happened to be here!" I say, my voice raised but not quite yelling.

"It would've been worth it even if he did. I was worried about you, and you wouldn't pick up the phone. I didn't want to have to wait until lunch to make sure you're okay. If it was up to me I'd gone with you last night, but you and mum wouldn't allow that..." Sora responds timidly.

"If you had been hurt..." My voice is shaking. I am starting to break down. I can't hardly think straight, I'm trembling and my breaths were getting too shallow and quick. Everything that was going on lately was making me overreact. It's a hybrid of sadness, stress and anger, at everything. I have to calm myself, now was not the time to get like this. Sora shouldn't see this weakness, and this anger was not for him.

"It would've been worth it!"

"No, it wouldn't have. Nothing is worth something bad happening to you. Nothing!"

"I... I..." Tears trickle down his face. A pile of guilt was now added to the mix of emotions. I want to apologize but before I can Sora buries his face in my chest and wraps his arms around me. It hurts a bit but I'd bear it for him. He looks up at me and between sobs he shakily says, "You're everything to me, though... A few hits from that mean father of yours means nothing to me as long as I know you're alright..."

I pushed him away and fell to my knees. I wasn't okay. I didn't get it, why did he care? I was weak. Too weak to stand up to my father, too weak to stay conscious when I had to, too weak to contain my anger and despair in front of him! I was just a burden on everyone, a parasite to my father and my mother and even Sora's mother, and to Sora I've just caused worry... Why? Why did he care about me so much?

"R-Riku?"

I could barely hear him, but it was enough to snap some sense into me. He didn't need to see me like this. He didn't need to worry. I manage to slowly stand back up and give him what I know must be a pathetic smile. "Sorry. A really bad headache came on suddenly."

He took my hands in in his and with sincerity and intensity that was only ever seen when his friends were hurt, he shook his head unbelieving and stares at me with his sparkling, sky blue eyes. "I know I can be naive sometimes, but you're not fooling me. That cut on your face, not being able to call me or hang out, the amount of times you've mentioned your father and now this... What's he done, Riku?"

I got the feeling that not telling him anything was going to cause him more worry than being honest. I'm barley able to look him in his pure, innocent eyes as I hesitantly explain what I could. "He's... just been worse than ever... I know I shouldn't have, but I fought back against him, because after being with you, I realized that all he was saying and doing was wrong, and it ticked me off. In the end it only made things worse and despite everything, the pain and his words get to me. I'm weak, Sora, and I can't understand why you care about me sometimes..."

He looks at me in disbelief. "What are you saying, Riku? You're the strongest, toughest person I've ever known! Whatever your father said is absolutely wrong! I care because you're strong and noble and so many other things. You've always had my back since we were kids and you should know I couldn't live without you! Tears don't exist for long when I'm with you! And don't even get me started on how perfect of a teddy bear you are!" He is going to go on forever at this rate so to shut him up, I kiss him. He's momentarily taken aback but recovers quickly. "HEY! I wasn't done yet, let me finish before you reward me!"

"The longer you keep going, the later you'll be for school. But thank you. I don't think I'd be here without you." Trying to hold back tears, I pull him into a hug. Not only did I not want him to see me cry, but I also was desperate to hold him. Whenever I thought it wasn't possible to love him and want to protect him even more, he straight up proved me wrong. I couldn't lose him, not by death and most certainly not to the hand of my father. I hear him release a tiny adorable sob, and after taking a deep breath to steady myself, I reluctantly release him.

"All I did was state the truth..." Tears spill forth from his entrancing eyes and once again my heart melts. I caress his face and wipe away his tears and tenderly kiss his cheek. He blushes and giggles a little before sniffling. "School... We gotta go, don't we?"

I don't want to leave his side now, but I was not up to getting there at all. The injuries inflicted by my father were still painful and the overexertion last night wasn't helping either. Furthermore, the breakdown earlier has only given me a headache and we were beyond late. "You go, I've got a headache for real now."

He shook his head defiantly and latched himself to my arm. "I don't wanna go, not without you. You need me by your side, you can't deny that! And... and I all I've got is sport and art, I'm not missing much!" I give him a skeptical look and he guiltily continues, "...and math, but do you really wanna make me suffer that much boredom alone?" His puppy dog eyes were making it hard to say no to, impossible even. I also have a feeling that now he's latched on he's not letting go. Still... If father shows up... He smiles up and me and is able to see my worries. "I'm good at hide and seek ya know. It'll be fine." I give in, and his ultra-goofy grin makes it worth it.

We head upstairs to my room. Sora curls up and falls asleep instantaneously, leaving me alone in the darkness of my thoughts. He said I was always there for him, but it lately didn't feel that way to me. What he'd said had made a difference and given me hope for the moment but still I can't shake the ominous feeling that we were going to go ever on and on in this carousel of agony until either my father, Sora or I ended up dead.