Who I really love (Sora x Riku)

Part 10

(Riku's POV)

I need to go faster. Sora's blood is spilling everywhere. My arm hurts like hell as I walk down the dark street lit only with the dim light of the moon. Sora remains unconscious, which both relieves and terrifies me. He may not feel any pain as he is, but if he didn't wake up... I can't think about that. I just have to push on. I block out everything and eventually I make it to Sora's house, though not nearly as fast as I would have liked to.

After ringing the doorbell, Sora's mother opens the door. "Riku! Sora's gone to look for you, are you–" she begins, but then notices the blood and lifeless Sora in my arms. Her face pales and tears form in her eyes. A pang of guilt hits me like a ton of bricks. This is why I have to put an end to this... To me. "Wh-what happened? Are you okay?"

"Help him... Please..." I struggle to say. I can't bring myself to say anymore. I was gonna pass out soon from the pain both in my heart and body.

She nods. "Of course. Come in." I bring Sora in and place him on the couch as she finds what medical equipment she needs. I sit quietly across the room and try and numb myself from the pain while she treats him. I need to hear that he'll be fine before I can go anywhere or do anything.

"It seems Sora will be okay," she announces after a millennium, smiling with relief. I nod and say a quiet thanks and turn to leave to go and finish this mess. "Where are you going?"

"I..." I can't say it. What could I say? Where am I going? "Home"? To die? To kill my father? I begin to tremble and look up to the ceiling, trying not to let her see the tears. "I don't know..."

"I know what you're thinking, but this isn't your fault. Stay here. Sora's gonna need you when he wakes up." She comes over and embraces me and I can tell she's on the verge of an absolute meltdown. But I can't stay. I made a promise to myself, but I keep trying to make excuses to stay alive and that was gonna backfire soon. I just need to die.

"Please..." she pleads, with her voice shaking and tears now streaming down her face. Her hand hold onto mine tight as it can in her tired and despairing state. My resolve begins to shatter. I have to repay her before I die and this will probably be the best I can do. One last day. That's more than I deserve.

"Okay."

She breathes a sigh of relief and smiles weakly. "Thank you. I'll make some tea if you want." I accept her offer and sit on the couch next to Sora. I stroke his fluffy brunette hair and admire his precious, innocent face. Even if I had been a hundred times better I still couldn't even come close to deserving him and his perfection.

Time ticks ever on and on and eventually Sora's mother retires, leaving me alone with Sora. The tea Sora's mother made keeps me awake for a bit with its warmth and sweet scent. Still, I fade in and out of reality as I have been doing a lot lately.

Whether for the better or worse, time passes hastily and soon the first ray of morning sunlight illuminates the room. Sora's eyes flicker open and my heart leapt with joy for an instant. He sits up slowly, ignoring my protests.

"Wh-what happened?" he inquires, confused. His memory is most likely foggy after passing out from the extreme blood loss.

"Sora..." I whisper, unsure what else there is to say. He's there, alive in front of me when not too long ago I thought his light had been robbed from the world forever. It felt surreal.

"Oh..." his face falls as his memories rush back to him. From his eyes a stream of tears sparkling more than diamonds began to descend. "I'm so sorry..."

"Stop." I put my finger over his lips to silence him. I had to go soon before procrastination won me over for too long. I need to say a final goodbye right. I lean in and kiss him. It's my last kiss and I make it better than any before. It's warm and passionate until Sora melts into just hugging me tightly, head nestled in my chest and sobbing uncontrollably. I hold him equally as tight, stroking his hair and for just a moment wondering why I have to ever leave.

Maybe if I just killed my father that'll be enough. Maybe I can live, maybe I can fix everything. Maybe...

With a sigh I push Sora off of me and make way to leave. I have to go now before I screw up his life even further.

"Goodbye, Sora," I mutter solemnly, trying to keep it together. I move towards the door but Sora struggles to his feet and grabs my hand.

"You're not going, not without me." He clings on to me, his voice strong and his eyes filled with determination, but he's also pale, fragile and it's clear he's exhausted from moving the small amount he did. Even if I wasn't planning on killing myself, I still couldn't allow him to as much as to think of leaving this house.

"You're hurt, and it's my fault, so just rest. I've got stuff I got to deal with."

"Promise you'll be back?"

I don't want to lie. I want to give him hope and tell him I'll be back, but false hope is torturous, I've learnt that much from my father.

"I... I really don't know." It's the best I can say. It's not the truth but it's what will hurt him the least.

Still, he protests, "I can't let you go then. You promised that you'd hold me tight for eternity one day, remember?"

I remember. I remember every second spent with him because those memories were the only ones worth anything to me. But I didn't get to say I promise that day, not in full, because of my father. Maybe I would've but I didn't and that was his fault.

"I remember that I didn't make that promise fully, and that's my father's fault, but also my own. I'll make it up to you sooner than you think, though."

"What'd you mean?"

I scoop him up and put him back on the couch, tucking him in and kissing his lips softly. I take my time, admiring him one last time. His adorableness is still shining through the confusion and anxiety shown on his face. "You may not think so now, but you'll see one day that you're better off without me."

With that I make my exit without further pointless and depressing delay. I hear him call out for me between strangled sobs, and my heart and willpower starts to crack, but I still push onward.

The sunlight illuminating the path back to my prison cell of many years speeds up my journey and within minutes I arrive at the front door of my "home" that's soon to be my final resting place.