Who I really love (Sora x Riku)

Part 11

(Riku's POV)

The door creeks open, and what awaits me inside is two blood puddles about a meter apart, but my father is absent.

"Hello?" I call out. No answer. I have to get rid of him if possible. I check the house once over, every room. It quickly becomes obvious that he's not here. If I don't kill him, he'll remain a threat to Sora. I have to find him... But is that another excuse that I'm making just to stay alive? If I keep making these excuses then I'm just gonna get more people hurt.

I sit on the couch, at war with myself. I have to die. I cannot allow any more people to suffer because of me. But I also have to kill him.

I pull out the gun and press the tip against my temple, just to see how it feels. The metal is cold against my flesh and my heart begins to pound rapidly. A part of me undeniably still wants to live, but the majority of me begs for this to be over now, because if I stop now I might never get this close again. Both of my hands begin to tremble as my finger wraps around the trigger. The monster that I call my father is still at large but if I'm dead what reason would he have to still target Sora? I take a deep breath and my resolve strengthens. Just do it, every fiber of my being screams.

Nothing can stop me from doing what I have to – except for that which suddenly burst through the door in immense panic.

"Riku!" Sora cries weakly upon entering. Neither of us moves for a moment. He's caught me with a gun to my head and I cannot shoot now, with him watching. After he processes what he's seen he staggers over to me slowly, his face contorted in pain and shock. He collapses onto his knees in front of me.

"Riku..." he stutters and reaches up to force me to lower the gun away from my head. "Why?" Tears roll down his cheek. "How can you do this? Do you want to break me?"

I force the words out, still in a daze. "No... I just wanted to protect you from my father. All I've ever done is cause you harm and I can't live with that..."

"How is this protecting me? You've never hurt me! Riku, don't you get it? You're my heart – I can't, no, I won't live without you!" He guides the gun which my hands still enclose tightly to point in between his own eyes. My grip on the gun weakens, willing it to be pointed anywhere but at him. Sora holds it there firm as he proclaims, "If you're gonna pull the trigger on yourself you might as well shoot me first."

"I'd rather do anything than that! Everything was to save you. If I have to die so my father won't touch you, so that I won't break your heart, then so be it. Just let me die!"

"I won't ever let you hurt yourself. I love you so much. I've told you again and again, I can't live without you. From now on if you die, I die – I promise you that!"

"Sora, no..." I protest weakly, but it's no use. Despite everything there's a passionate fire in his eyes and he can tell he's won now. His tears don't stop, however.

"You won't kill yourself now – not with that promise in place. I know that much. But I mean what I say, because a world without you is a world without light."

He lets go of the gun which my grip was already weak on so it clatters to the floor. Sobbing and overcome by exhaustion, he tries to stand but ends up falling into my arms, shaking and barely breathing. I stroke his hair, my mind numb. It isn't okay for me to live after all I've done, but Sora meant what he said, he'd made that much clear. For now, until he can see he's better off without me here to hurt him, I've got to stay alive – and now given the opportunity, do something about my father.

I reach out over him to pick the gun up off the floor but before I can put it away Sora latches on to it with what strength he can muster.

"Can't you just get rid of it?" he pleads, his voice shaky but determined.

"No. I have to keep you safe so either me or my father who has to die. That means I have to kill him, Sora."

"But you're no murder, Riku..."

"I keep telling myself that but if it comes down to it I have to kill him before someone gets hurt. He's a lot worse than I've ever told you."

"What about the police? Can't the adults do something for once?"

"With the stuff my father's involved in, it wouldn't be a fair case to say the least. Sora, this is the only way..."

He pauses, thinking, but eventually reluctantly agrees. "Fine. But I'm staying by your side every moment that thing is in your hands."

"I... I don't want you to see me murder him... I don't want you to see me become some monster."

"You could try and kill me and I still wouldn't see you as a monster. You're an angel, MY angel." He reaches his hand up to caress my face, but his hands stop on the scar from the cut my father inflicted on my cheek from a century ago. His bright eyes dims a bit in sadness as he realizes it was my father who created the scar.

I shake my head. "I'm no angel. I will become a demon, though, to protect you."

His brow furrows in thought momentarily, then he says, "You're something along an angel with a shotgun, that doesn't care if heaven won't take you back..."

I chuckle lightly and after a moment's hesitation I relent and kiss him gently. I thought that I wouldn't be able to do that again, and it made living on worth it. Sora's smile is extraordinarily big and bright. It seems he wasn't sure either if we'd be able to kiss again either. I can't resist ruffling his fluffy hair.

"Come on, we better get you back home or your mother is going to kill both of us herself."

He struggles to stand and when he eventually does he stumbles around hopelessly. It's apparent that he's not going to be able to walk back home efficiently so with a sigh I scoop him up, ignoring the remnants of pain that continues to course through my arms. He gives me an adorable guilty grin and apologises half-heartedly.

"Next time we have to go this distance I'll make sure I can walk, no matter how much I like being carried around by my knight!"

"At least you're not bleeding to death this time. That's an improvement." He giggles and we make progress slowly in returning to his home. Every moment with him an increasingly larger part of me feels grateful for life and another moment with him. Still, I cannot entirely destroy that part of that wants to die so easily...