Who I really love (Sora x Riku)

Part 16

(Riku's POV)

Today would make it about a month since I've been locked away in a small cell, awaiting trial and judgement, only ever greeted by questioning and examinations as evidence for the impending trial. More than ever I couldn't shake the images of my father that I hadn't gone a day without seeing in my dreams. He taunts me every night, reinforcing my own doubts and worries, making it feel as if I could never escape from him. I can't help but feel that part of me deserves all of this. Surely only a monster would kill his father, even if their father was even worse...

I dig my fingernails into my palm, trying to calm myself. It's the same every day, doubts spiralling me down further and further into the darkness, but today I can't begin to even edge away the thoughts running through my head. In the last month there were times when I thought of Sora and how he'd say that it's all okay, that I did what was right, but a month of lonely madness is starting to take its toll, drilling a hole into my sanity.

Unexpectedly, the iron door opens with a piercing screech, pulling me out of the dark pit I dug for myself with my thoughts. My heart starts pounding with vicious intensity, hoping for the best as Officer Claire briskly walks in.

"Riku, it's time," Claire states.

Then... That means soon I'll be freed... Or condemned. Either way, it's over. After a month of waiting, unable to see anyone I care about or leave the metallic, grey shoe box of a room I was held in, I'll finally see Sora today, maybe for the last time for who knows how long. I believe in him and I know he did all he could do no matter the outcome. For him, I need to be released. I don't care if I deserve to be or not, I want to be by his side.

Claire and I walk in silence for ages, and when we finally emerge into the sunlight it stings my unprepared eyes. There was only a tiny window back in the cell – if you could even call it that. It was as if whoever made that cell was trying to drive the occupant into madness. Hopefully, wherever I go next, it'll at least be better than where I've been.

The journey is short and time flies, but that doesn't stop my mind being a mess of disturbing thoughts the whole way. Luckily, I'm soon ripped from that despair – only the flight of seemingly unending steps stand in the way of the end. For every step I take up it seems another five are added.

Finally, I reach the top, but a new obstacle immediately presents itself. My overwhelming nerves weave together with the sudden exercise make my unstable legs feel like jelly. I can't keep my hands steady enough to open the door, either. I stand there, staring at it, until Claire has to step in to open it and nudges me inside. I have no clue how I'm going to face Sora in there, as pathetic as I am right now.

Speak of the devil – well, more like angel in this case – the first thing I hear is him calling out my name from across the entrance room. I apprehensively look over to him where he stands in the witness box, sick to my stomach, but his oversized ecstatic smile is so pure that I can't help but feel the flicker of a smile cross my lips for the brief moment our eyes meet. Sometimes it's impossible to not look at him and smile no matter what the situation is. Despite that, it's barely more than a few seconds before it becomes too hard to look at him, so I turn my head away, feeling guilt and sorrow that almost makes me wish I was back in that damn cell. I'm a pathetic mess who's caused him way too much trouble, whether he'd admit it or not.

Claire steers me towards where I am supposed to sit while waiting, behind an extensive rectangular table. As we sit I take in the expansive room we're in in an attempt to distract myself from the crushing anxiety. It's mostly made out of wood as many of the buildings around are, and there's not that many people mulling around. My eyes flicker back over to Sora several times. Despite how I feel, I know I need him and can barely force my eyes away from him at times. I wish I was beside him instead of meters apart. Not far away is his mother, who looks well. That's a weight off my shoulders – her blood isn't on my hands, and even if I can't be with Sora again after today, he has her.

I'm called in to the actual courtroom. As we exit, I see Sora smiling at me with his thumbs up. His goofy smile stirs up the courage inside me. I attempt to give him a smile back, but he's already disappeared from my line of vision.

As we enter the courtroom, the thud of a hammer makes the noise within become all but non-existent. There is one judge and no jury because technically I'm still a minor, or at least that is the reasoning Claire had told me. Once silence completely ensues, the lone judge speaks, her sentences riddled with procedures and law jargon that I barely have enough energy to hear above the buzzing in my own head, let alone actually understand. After she completes her speech, she calls in the first speaker, who goes on about the charges and precedents. After the first speaker concludes, another arrives, continuing on.

The speakers keep coming and coming as the day wears on. Mostly they spoke about previous incidents and similar cases. Others were there to verify or dispute my story in one way or another. I begin to doubt whether this would be over by the end of the day. Just as my mind begins to completely shut down, they call up Sora to testify. He catches my eyes and gives me a reassuring and confident nod before proceeding. I smile to myself as I think about how he's been fighting for me this whole time. He's the only reason I'm here, otherwise I'd have given up by now.

I keep my sight fixated on him. His dazzling blue eyes shine with unshakeable determination, a look most commonly seen when he's fighting for those he loves. That look made me feel somewhat at ease. I latch on to his every word as he says as he retells everything I told him and everything he saw. He is once again the only one who can save me, but I wouldn't trust anyone else to anyway. His smile, his courage and his goofiness could bring back anyone from anything.

Finally he finishes, and they call me up to the pedestal. The judge's intimidating gaze latches onto me. Even if I had the desire to lie, it'd be practically impossible with her presence watching my every move.

The prosecutor stands and moves swiftly towards where I stand, leaning forward eagerly like an animal ready to tear its prey limb from limb.

Then the onslaught of questions are fired at me. Some are direct and attempts to understand what had happened the night I murdered my father. Others are merciless attempts at twisting my words and actions in every way possible.

"Why not come to the police, if you didn't know where a potential murder was? Why aim for his head, not his leg or arm? It was not even you who was in danger of grievous bodily harm, correct?"

It went on and on, like some sort of bloody and ruthless battle. Sometimes I evade questions – I can't just say 'because the justice system is corrupt' in the middle of a courtroom, and I especially couldn't say anything that'd pin the blame back on Sora. Other questions help me regain my balance and refute the charges against me. By the end, it seems impossible to tell who really won and if I've convinced the people around me that I had no other choice. I'm not even sure I've convinced myself. It was a relief when the prosecutor sat down, but there's no respite between questioning.

The defence's questions began immediately after, but the questions were in my favour and came at a slower pace.

"Are you saying if you had not fired at your father, two others as well as potentially yourself may have been killed? Such situations are bound to trigger panic in anyone, so it makes sense that you reacted in the way you did, considering there were no other weapons or options around, correct? From what we've gathered, your father had manipulated and instilled fear in you so that you would not come to the law system, is that true?"

After enough evidence is gathered for my case, they too sit down, leaving only the verdict and potential sentence from the judge. At this point I have to remind myself to keep breathing. I try to keep calm by picturing Sora and his smile but my thoughts turn pessimistic and remind me I may not see him again. I bite my lip, hoping the pain would be more effective, but nothing I do seems to calm me. The judge seems be going extraordinarily slow, driving me madder than the entire month in the shoe box sized cell did.

"For the charge of patricide in self-defence, it has been decided through careful analysis of evidence and precedents that due to the nature and situation of this charge the verdict is that..." She seems to pause, like in some sort of movie to build tension. Time seems to stand still for a moment, as if the universe wants the anxiety to kill me. "The defendant is acquitted of all charges."