my baby boy → jack gilinsky →sequel to my babygirl

chapter eight

lillian

i was sitting on the couch writing down a list of stuff i was gonna get jack to get from the store tomorrow when he walked in.

he was putting the baby to sleep, i looked up meeting eyes with him. we were alone. it was just as again.

it's been two days since the big reveal of zoeys cancer. and i just don't know how i'm suppose to be dealing with that and then there's the screaming in my head telling me i shouldn't leave bailey alone in that room when we're in here because some crazy fan might sneak in and take him from us. i'm just falling apart with these thoughts.

he came and sat next to me. he kissed my cheek and then he grabbed a hold of my hand and grabbed my face so i was now facing him.

"we haven't talked much" he said.

"we live together jack. we talk all the time" i said.

"yeah but we don't talk" he said. "what's wrong? i know something is wrong. it's all over your face"

i put down the pencil and folded the paper i was writing on and i set them in my lap.

"i'm scared" i whispered and looked down but jack but his hand on my face making me look up at him again.

"me too"

"jack, i.. i walked in that room to check on bailey and he wasn't in the crib because i put him on the bed but i forgot and i.. it felt like my heart had just stopped when i saw that crib empty. the whole just stopped.. i-i thought he was gone." i said with tears in my eyes and they rolled down my face.

he put his hand there and wiped them away and i saw he was crying too. "i know.. i feel it too"

"are we ever gonna be able to just be happy for once? with nothing in the way?" i asked him.

"one day" he said. "one day, i promise we will be"

"i love you.. so much and i want us to get married in two weeks" i said.

he furrowed his eyebrows. "what happened december? your winter wedding?" he asked me.

"that was before i found out my best friend was dying" i said.

"okay. whatever you want" he said. "but are you sure.. because i want you to be happy and we can do whatever you want"

"i-i want to fly home in two weeks and i.. i want to get married to you.. jack. and i want zoey to be there. i want my family to be there and my friends." i smiled putting my hands on his face. "and i wanna marry you at the boardwalk"

"the one we met on?" he asked.

"yeah" i whispered.

"now that sounds perfect" he said and kissed me softly. this kiss lasted a few seconds before we pulled away. "i love you too"

we sat there for a few seconds and i looked at him. and then i felt my fears come back again about zoey and bailey. jack noticed and pulled me into his arms and just hugged me. i felt him kiss the top of my head softly. "we're gonna be just fine"

—

"hey" i said when the line picked up and i heard my sisters voice.

"lily, i haven't heard from you in a while." she said.

"i have some wedding news"

"am i invited?"

"that's a silly question. of course" i smiled.

"i can't wait. when is it?"

"two weeks" i said.

"are you serious?"

"yeah. um.. it was gonna be two months but some things changed and now we're flying to nebraska in two weeks to get married"

"i'm so excited!" she said.

"me too" i said. "i just wanted to call and catch up"

"can i tell you something?"

"anything" i said.

"i have a boyfriend"

"what? marissa, why didn't you tell me?"

"i am telling you" she chuckled.

"who is he?" i asked.

"it's the guy i told you about awhile back. he's really sweet and i really like him, lily."

"aw, i am so happy for you" i said.

"maybe he will be my jack." she said.

"maybe" i said. "you have to tell me everything. how it happened. i want the details"

"okay" she chuckled and started to tell me everything about her new boyfriend.

"but you can't tell dad"

"i can't? he doesn't know?" i asked.

"no, he would-he wouldn't like it"

"why not?"

"i don't know how it was for you growing up with him but it's not easy, lily. he's strict and he has all these crazy rules but if he knew, he would kill me" she said.

i knew she had it different with him and i thought about it too and i figured out why he was so hard on her.

"i know why" i said.

"why?"

"he's never done the dad thing by himself. with me and B.. we had mom around and it was easy. he didn't have to do it alone and he wasn't so scared he would mess us up because he knew that if he did, mom would know how to fix everything and she did. she always did. but now that she's not around.. i think he's scared"

"scared he's gonna mess me up? because hello i'm already pretty messed up"

"no" i said. "he's scared because he doesn't want you to lose you again. he lost you once.. who's to say he won't again?"

"trust me, i won't leave. i actually have a dad that cares and a family for the first time. i'm happy here" she said.

"so tell him that" i said.

"thanks, lily. you always know what to say.. i guess you get that from our mom" she said.

i guess you get that from our mom.

those words made me really happy. really happy to know i could be like her. i could be good at something. my mom was perfect at everything she ever did. she was perfect at being a mom.. at relationships.. at being the perfect friend.. at knowing the right thing to say in awful situations. i missed her so much.