THE AGENCY

Chapter 30: STATE OF PARANOIA

STATE OF PARANOIA

4 DAYS LATER...

"Xander, I need to...I just need that adrenaline rush. I can't take it anymore! I CAN'T SIT IN THE DAMN APARTMENT ALL DAY! I'm not a house wife, while you go about doing business with your beloved step-brother!" I say grumpily.

"You're not a house wife. You're not a wife to start with...at least not yet..." He says consolingly. "It's not my fault that John needs me. And no, you cannot go for a drive. Sadly you're stuck here. Darling, I'll be here all day, so we can do whatever you want..." he says.

"Xander," I whine. He just gives me a peck. A peck means the conversation is over.

THE NEXT DAY...

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!!!!" Xander yells at me as he snatches the gun from my hand. He's fuming.

"I'm bored. I needed to do something. I thought, why not practice aim? It's your fault anyway...for keeping me in this prison cell, Xander." I say.

"That doesn't mean you shoot my wall! You scared the crap out of me! What if something happened to you! It wasn't my choice to trap you here! You've tried to escape three times! Hence the cuff, Sky." He says.

"Don't remind me." I say with a hiss. They put an electric cuff on me so I won't escape. What am I, a dog? "I demand to speak with John." I say. With me currently being a prisoner, our relationship has been pretty rocky.

"Why don't you call him." Xander says with a frustrated sigh.

"Oh? Do I have that right? I can actually call someone? You've given me that freedom?" I say with melodrama.

"YOU ARE NOT A PRISONER, SKY!" Xander says. I cringe at his strong tone.

"It sure doesn't seem like it." I mumble.

"For the hundredth time, Sky. I can't do anything about it. If it's so dreadful for you to live with me, then why don't you request someone else for a roommate? Because I'm tired of putting up with your complaints!" he says with frustration. That hit me hard. I didn't think our relationship was this rocky. I walk towards him slowly.

"Do you really mean that?" I ask as I keep a hand to his cheek. He sighs.

"No, but we're just doing what's best for you and I wish you'd see that through everything. I know how frustrated you are, but I'm just tired of the way your acting." That hits me even harder.

"Xander, I'm sorry. Look, it's just hard is all. I'm sorry. I know you guys are doing what you think is best, but nothing has happened. Why? I'm just frustrated. Not that I want to be killed, but why haven't they made their move yet, Xander? It's driving me insane to just be here. I'm used to the rush of danger," I say to him. I hold his hand against my heart and step closer to him. He relaxes a bit.

"I understand. And I don't know why nothing's happened, but that doesn't change anything." He says.

"How long has it been since you've smiled at me?" I ask softly.

"I don't know," he says as he lets out a breath. He keeps his forehead against mine.

"Too long," I say softly to him. I push up the corners of his lips. Suddenly, his lips crash against mine and he kisses out all his frustrations. His lips caress mine as our lips eagerly crash against each other. It feels as though I need this. It feels as though I've been deprived of this for so long that I'm desperate and the desperation is driving my passion. He practically devours my lips and I can tell that he's at the same level of desperation as I am. I can feel that he's ached for this moment, but the tension of the last few days has deprived us both of this. Eventually we pull apart and I have to take in a few breaths to steady myself.

"It's been way too long for this." I state.

"I agree, Sky. You have no idea how badly I've needed that." He says as he is still frazzled from our heated moment. I step into his chest and let his arms encompass me and give me a sense of comfort and security, the two things I've really missed lately. I press my face into his shirt and cry. I feel his arms squeeze me tighter. His chin hits the top of my head and I wrap my arms around his back. I hold onto him like a life line. "Sky? What's wrong?" he asks.

"Nothing," I mumble into his shirt. My words come out in hiccups.

"Look, as stupid as you think I am, I know it's not nothing. Don't tell me it's nothing, when it is damn something, Sky." He says as he tries to pry me off his chest, but I'm stuck like glue. I hold him tighter. He gives up and lifts up my legs as he carries me to the sofa. He sits down and I end up on his lap. "I'm going to wait for you to start talking," he whispers in my ear. I squeeze him even tighter and bury my face further in his chest. He starts to rub my back. "I'm sorry about snapping at you earlier, just talk to me, Sky." I oblige.

"It feels like everything just came crashing down on me, that's all." I say between hiccups.

"Ok. Talk to me. What came crashing down?" he asks.

"Like the fact that your father killed my father. What does this mean? I just don't know how to feel about it or how I should be reacting." I say honestly.

"Your opinion is your opinion, Sky. I respect it no matter what you think. You can do whatever you want. Why should it mean something? It can mean whatever you want it to mean." He says consolingly.

"But what does this mean between me and you, Xander?" I ask as I look up at him. He wipes away the dampness near my eyes and looks at me sincerely.

"Sky, why should it change anything between us...that is unless you want it to... It's all up to how you want to think about it." He says calmly. I feel this deep fire within me arise.

"Xander, I feel al this anger and frustration and I know it's not you..but," I say. He cuts me off.

"I know. I understand. You should, it would be weird if you didn't, but remember it was my father. I didn't and wouldn't be able to control his actions. We are all responsible for our own actions, Sky. I can't erase the relationship I have with him and I'm frustrated that it had to be this way, but like you said it's just a title. I consider myself separate from my father, but if you want to tie us together and hold this aggression against me as well, be my guest. I will support whatever choice you make." Here's yet another moment where he just makes my heart melt.

"No...no....I wouldn't hold it against you. I...I... mean I don't want to ruin what we have. It's honestly the best thing that's happened to me. Don't let that add to your ego. I feel like the last few days has already put a strain on our relationship..."

"Yes, yes it did, but we pulled through didn't we? I won't let anything ruin what we have. It's pretty impossible to ruin who we are together. We're in this together. Surely, I wouldn't let go of the best thing that's ever happened to me as well." He says.

"Xander, I've missed you...this...I miss you just being there for me." I say.

"Sky, I never left. Never for a second would I leave you in here because you have my heart and I'm pretty sure I have yours." He says as he points to my heart...