Reputation

Crashing Waves

Spinel

What am I supposed to do now? The pull of Earth's gravity, a reminder of where I am. Why did I even decide to come here? I guess it has to be because this was where Pink had...well...not shattered necessarily. But had left.

I lean back against the chair, the view from the ship. The hillside glows with sunlight shining down. The steel incline of the slope reveals a overhead view of the ocean. I can't tell if it seems warm in welcoming, or almost intimidating. Water build up results in the unannounced crashing of waves. The people being tugged around in every-which-way, with no say on where they are going. How could something so chaotic look so, beautiful?

I can see myself through the reflection in the windshield. The pitch-black tear streaks, scarred onto my face, being a prominent feature. An unconsciously shaky hand traces the marks. I hadn't been able to change my form the entire time I was with the Diamonds. Even with their constant attention and support, I just didn't.

It's those tear tracks that show that there is something wrong. A sign written in big letters, the cover to my book. I let my hand fall from my face, into my lap. Maybe I don't want to change back. Is it better to be hurt than to not be anything at all? Isn't it better to show how you feel, even if it's only bitterness.

I lost someone who was supposed to be my best friend here. Quite possibly in this very spot. How would I know? I don't know anything about what had happened and that just boosts my anger. The same anger I had used against Steven all those weeks ago.

But now that anger isn't aimed at him, but at...myself. How could I just stand there for centuries! A fist hits the stationary steering wheel. Couldn't I have helped? Or did I just have to be that arrogant. I know about what she had done to help those who were being suppressed by Homeworld.

She was a hero.

She just didn't need me to help. But then again, I wouldn't have been any help. I know that. I didn't know how to wield a weapon, or manage a colony. But I could have learned, right? I could have changed to help her, help everyone. But now, I guess I have changed for the wrong reasons. I didn't change to help, only to hurt.

At least I changed. I had moved from standing still. I took action, but definitely not the right kind of action. I place a hand on my forehead, the whirlwind of thoughts causing my head to throb. I didn't know what to expect when I had been taken back by the Diamonds.

But I don't know what any of us expected.

I take my hand off of my forehead. And instead I focus on the door, which is currently being assaulted. Loud knocks turn violent as I consider whether to open the door, or pullout my weapon.

I jump out of the chair, just as the metal clang of the door falling off its hinges, echoes through the ship.