"I want to believe there is still some good in you"
•
Virgil watched Deceit from across the room, hands clenching at his sides. He steadied himself, slowing his racing heart, and allowed himself time to think and pull apart what the side had said to him just seconds prior.
"I'm not going back," he finally decided on.
Deceit, to his credit, didn't look surprised at all. The side just inclined his head, nodding at the table. There now lay a familiar notebook, with a purple and black patterned cover.
"What will Thomas think of you when he knows what I do?"
Virgil's heart stuttered. He narrowed his eyes at the snake before him, but Deceit sank out before the anxious side could respond.
Darting toward the table, Virgil snatched the notebook up and flipped through it, movements slowly growing jerkier.
Deceit had written on every page of his journal.
Virgil's head snapped up to the spot Deceit had been in minutes earlier, to see Logan standing there, looking slightly confused and perhaps a bit concerned.
"Are you alright?" He asked, cutting straight to the point.
Virgil snapped the notebook shut and nodded, not trusting his voice.
In truth, he was alright. Deceit couldn't mean it; informing Thomas of their history would disrupt the way the Mind Palace functioned and could ruin his plans. He calmed more, nodding again to himself.
"I think I am, L." Virgil offered the logical side a tiny smile, and was pleasantly surprised when Logan returned it, equally as hesitant.
"Wonderful."
Virgil could have laughed. He tucked the notebook to his side, did a double-fingered salute to Logan, and sank out.
•
"Yeah, but... I should know better."
He couldn't believe it was happening. Remus had gone and done exactly what he didn't think was possible. His heart was racing, mind fogged. He could faintly feel his hands trembling from where they rested, clenched at his sides.
"Isn't that a but unfair?" Thomas countered, almost desperate. "Why should it be different for you, than any other side?"
Virgil hesitated, thinking over his words carefully. His mind was going at a mile per second, trying to decide whether or not he should tell Thomas.
He could be shunned again. Ostracised. Made fun of. He couldn't go back to that.
But on the other hand, everyone was sharing everything about them. Roman and Patton were being more open with their feelings, and Logan was opening up to other forms of learning.
"Because I was one of them."
Virgil looked up and his heart shattered. Thomas took a step back, away from Virgil. His expression was almost disgusted.
Virgil smiled, anguished. He shrugged and sank down, not bothering to do his usual salute. He didn't want to watch Thomas's expression for longer than necessary.
When he arrived in his room he felt numb. It started in his heart, spreading through his whole body until it tingled at his fingers and curled his toes. The side stumbled to his bed and dropped onto it, staring at the ceiling.
"I fucked up," he admitted quietly, scoffing. "Why did I think that would go well?"
•
Thomas watched Virgil carefully. He could feel the man's gaze on his back at all times, unnerving him.
He desperately wanted to confront Thomas, say that he had been hinting at it for a while, it was obvious, even the fans knew before he did. It didn't change anything.
But fuck confrontation.
So instead he avoided everyone. Reverted back to his old habits in his state of confusion and turmoil. His room grew darker, colder. No one came to warm it up.
He wanted - no, needed Thomas to talk to him. But it appeared as if he was getting the cold shoulder.
His room iced over, and he was numb.
•
"So, you're like Deceit? Remus?"
Virgil's head shot up. The first words he'd heard from Thomas for three days.
The numbness curled around his heart, hissing at him, telling him to prove Thomas right. Let him see he was an asshole.
"Like this changes anything," Virgil ground out instead. His voice wavered and he cursed it. "I said was."
Thomas winced, rubbing the back of his neck. He opened his mouth to respond but Virgil wasn't done yet.
"And in fact, what makes you think you have the right to compare me to them? I'm not like them! I've changed! I'm a better side now because you helped me to grow!" He pointed accusatively at Thomas, straightening up, towering over the man. Thomas shrank back and away, flinching as Virgil's voice doubled over itself.
"I just... I want to believe there's still some good in you."
Virgil's eyes widened. "What-"
"Sure, Deceit is more morally grey, but he's still on Remus's side! By definition, you could be counted as a morally grey side as well!"
Virgil narrowed his eyes dangerously, resisting the urge to cloak the room with darkness. His whole body shook with barely contained rage; he struggled to not yell. "I've changed. I've grown. I'm not like them anymore. If this fact changes your view of me, you're no better than people who start to hate you as soon as they learn you're gay."
Thomas flinched, a violent movement.
"Now, I'll be in my room. And if you still want me here, you're going to come get me. I'm not coming out here if I'm going to just be ridiculed."
Thomas opened his mouth to respond but Virgil was gone. In his place, a purple and black patterned notebook.
Thomas picked it up carefully and, after seeing the note on the front, began to read.
