How To Love ✓

20.

Amara

I stared at the pale blue walls.

The shapes, the lines and the swirls.

The hospital room had been so soundless, that the small whispers between patients and doctors could've been heard as loudly as if you stood at the receptionist.

"Amara, it's been a while since our last appointment," Dr. Campbelle spoke in a soft tone, "but I'm confused. Why is our meeting this early?"

I sat up and looked at the doctor. "Wait, how did I get here? Isn't it like a 34-hour drive from California to Michigan?"

Dr. Campbelle diverted her eyes towards my parents for a split second before meeting mines again.

"Well, your friend Lucien brought you here," her response made my eyes widen.

More than I realised, Lucien must've genuinely cared about me. I looked down to my hands, trying to think everything over.

'Where is he now?" I asked in a mumble like version of a question. 

"He's sitting in the waiting room, that boy never once moved, not even to relieve his body from soreness. I assumed he was your boyfriend, but he told me otherwise. You've been out for a while and only woke up a few moments ago," she went on to explain. 

I let Dr. Campbelle's words fill and rest in my thoughts for a while, trying to wrap my head around the fact that this man had driven a day and a half just to make sure I got to my home state. The man who stayed with me and made sure that I was being taken care of, getting the attention I needed.

"Could I leave? I feel really good now," I asked suddenly.

"Unfortunately, we can't let you leave until we run some tests. Also, your parents and I need to get some answers from you," Dr. Campbelle explained. 

I sighed in defeat and rested my head against the wall behind me.

"I'm not in the right state of mind to process and explain what occurred," I answered flatly. Dr. Campbelle shot another look between mum and Luke. I furrowed my eyebrows at the weird motion.

Mum decided to open her mouth. "Monkey, you are going to have to explain yourself if you want the doctor to help you."

I inwardly rolled my eyes. "Fine. I went to a party with some friends that night. Everyone was just talking and getting to know each other when a fight broke out."

"Did the fight involve you?" she asked, and I nodded hesitantly.

"Amara, please use your words," I heard Luke say lowly and I shuddered at the way he said my name. They only ever called me by my government name when they were extremely vexed. 

I heaved a deep sigh once more and fiddled with my fingers. "We were playing a stupid game, and it got out of hand. Lucien.... he... he defended me and the fight that broke up possibly gave me an anxiety attack. Next thing I knew, I fell to the sandy ground and now, I'm here, in your presence. Hi."

She had that signature analytical expression on her face, where she was trying to decipher my explanation.

"Tell me. Do you feel that because your lungs aren't that 'sucky' as before, you can't be happy with other aspects in your life?" I furrow my eyebrows at her sudden question.

"Are you asking if I'm depressed?"

She shakes her head and smiles. "Just questioning your sanity. Now you're stable, I may let you leave. Though I couldn't comprehend a few things, I guess I could put you on some medication once more."

Dr. Campbelle gave a nod to my concerned parents who, on cue, followed her out of the room. Probably to have a private discussion.

 I took the moment of silence to close my eyes and drowned myself in peace and comfort.

As always, my mind drifted off to Lucien.

The door unexpectedly clicked, and I opened my eyes to view the perpetrator. He walked closer to me and the first thing I saw was the big bruise on his left cheek. His hair laced back into a disheveling mess, his arms were covered in fine specks of sand, his lips twitched into its signature scowl.

His eyes travelled to the drips the doctor pricked into my hand then to the IV tube that ran along the bedside.

I didn't dare speak and neither did he, for a moment. I wanted to get up and attack him with a hug, as gracious thanks for sacrificing his time and effort to bring me to see my doctor.

"I'm sorry," I managed to let escape my lips.

He ran a hand over his face in frustration and I scooted across the bed to allow him to sit. He surprised me by sitting down and wrapping his arm around my waist.

I was cautious at first, questioning if I would have been allowed to lean into him., knowing how upset he was with me in that moment. His bodily movements spoke otherwise. His free hand grabbed onto my shoulder and softly pushed me back into him. My body trembled against him, but soon relaxed as he moved his arm up and down mine to soothe me.

I expected him to scream at me.

Instead, I was blessed with his silence.

"Could you say something? Anything?" I begged, uncomfortable with the irritating silence.

"Trust me Amara, you don't want me to speak right now," his tone was more vexed than usual.

"Please, I want you to. Your silence is slicing my throat right now," I told him.

"No, you don't want me to," he growled.

"I know you're upset with me, and you have every right to be. But please Lucien, please answer me. I can't stand the thought of you being upset with me," I whispered honestly.

"Damn it Amara," here we go, "You were told to stay by the fire expressly, but what the hell did you do? You paid no attention. Why couldn't you had stayed in your dorm room and watch your corny romantic films? You know full well that you cannot fit in, but nonetheless, you want to. You're fully irking my soul right now," he shook his head disappointedly and diverted his eyes to the door.

I felt my eyes water, the salt burning both retinas. "You don't get to tell me what to do all the time," my voice quivered. I was scared of his emotions in that moment.

"That wasn't what I was doing. I was trying to keep you away from making bad decisions. Those aren't the kind of people you want to be around Amara. My friends aren't yours," his voice raised slightly.

"If you don't want your friends around me then why are you around me?" I returned the energy he gave me, wanting to show him that I was not a coward.

He glared at me, thinking of something to say.

"You know in hell that I can't do that."

"Why not?" I asked a little louder than before.

"My feelings are too strong to stay away from you," he says softly.

Before I could've replied, mum, Luke and Dr. Campbelle re-entered the room, with Luke's arm around mum's shoulders.

***

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