How To Love ✓

36.

(To those who have already read the book and are re-reading, as you may notice that the plot has been changed/altered a bit, it is because I want to make this book as authentic as possible. I want to bring a mature opinion on what I previously wrote and hope that it is even better than before.

Much love from your writer. Hope that you're enjoying! ♡)

Amara

"Amara!" Behind me, Lucien yelled, but I disregarded his icy demands.

"Amara, slow down!" He tried to stop me by holding onto my upper arm, but I resisted and almost slapped him across the face with my hand.

"It's not what it looked like. Please, just listen to me," he begged.

"Listen to you?? How dare you?! How dare you ask me to come here, do that in front of my face and have the audacity to tell me to listen to you?" I scoffed, wiping away the fresh tears.

"Please, just stop for a second and listen to me," he spoke aggressively low, bringing me to a halt.

I swung my body around and gave him a scathing glare. He started to breathe erratically, not expecting my quick motion.

"Just hear me out. Firstly, I never asked you to come here. Sylvia texted me and told me that you left early to visit your family today, so I figured, you wouldn't even get back until late tonight or perhaps tomorrow. To let off some steam, I decided to go to the gym with some buds. The next thing I knew, Natalina approached me and making flirtatious comments, but I dismissed her. I was completely unaware that she had taken my phone and messaged you. All of a sudden, she left, but I didn't think too much of it. She whistled to me from the courtyard as I was making my way back to my room, inviting me to come talk with her. That was all—we just talked. She persisted in attempting to get close to me, but I pushed her away. Up to the point where you must have overheard the last bit of our talk and witnessed her basically controlling me by pulling me in for a kiss. I was unaware of her motives. Please, Amara, believe me."

He begged, "I never wanted to hurt you," while he waited for me to answer, a single tear escaped his frantic eyes.

A part of me wanted to believe him but another part of me felt like a fool for even trying to see change in someone and work with that, for even trying to help someone when their intentions with me were impure. I was on a whole other level of hurt.

I didn't know how to react. Inside I felt a mixture of pain and sickness and I wasn't sure if it was the lack of medication in my system or the fact that Lucien messed up.

"Well, you did, and it hurts a lot. Lucien, I sacrificed so much for you. I gave up on all the negative things people had to say about you and the warning signs telling me to avoid you. Hell, I can't even remember the last time I took my meds because you, YOU were my antidote, Lucien. The only thing that gave me the feeling that I could breathe and soar fearlessly on top of the world was you. I thought that because I had you, I didn't need to rely on any dumb medicine or a dumb oxygen can to make feel alive. And you treat me like this?" My voice became so brittle that I felt like I was about to go hoarse.

"Amara, I love you," he suddenly blurted out, taking a step closer to me. I stepped back to widen the gap between us.

"No, you know what you love? You LOVE making me feel like I am worth it to you. You LOVE making me feel as though I am some kind of charity case. You LOVE feeling sorry for me so you can tell all your friends how pathetic I am. Was it that all along Lucien? Huh? ANSWER ME!!"

When he didn't answer, I laughed sadistically.

"Is that why we're together? If we were even together because I don't recall you asking me to be your girlfriend. Or maybe you didn't want to because you thought I'd make you look pathetic."

He looked at me in dismay. "Now Amara let's not assume-"

I cut him off completely, fuming with rage. "You figured you'd toy with me...until someone better came along, and I wouldn't mind because I was lucky that you wanted me."

"Princess please, you have to believe me. Natalina and I, that was the past. That was before..." he trailed off.

"Before what? Before you snapped your fingers and made everything disappear?" I snapped, imitating the snapping motion.

"Before everything you gave to me. Before you," he said, his voice quivering.

I took a step forward to him this time. " You want to know what really sucks about falling for a guy you know that isn't right for you? You fall anyway because you thought he might turn out to be different."

I left him behind and ran past the guard at the front gate who was also bawling after me. Adrenaline coursed through my veins. A thin layer of sweat covered my forehead, and I felt my entire body getting drenched in it. I ran onto the road with no intention of going anywhere specific, just wanting to get as far away as I possibly could from Lucien, from the world, from it all.

"Amara. Wait, Amara. Amara! Get off the road, please!" He was trying to catch up to me, and I could hear him snarling after me, but I picked up the pace until I was leaping instead of walking, maintaining a constant breathing pattern and pushing as hard as my lungs would allow.

I had no idea where I was heading. I raced across several passing cars, honking their horns. I tried to block out the noises. My calves burned and my breaths formed clouds in the air around me.

After several thrusts forward, thinking that I was a good distance away from the school with no sign of anyone following me, I stopped in my tracks and bent over to catch my breath. My gut was wrenching, my heart was pumping uncontrollably, my legs became tired, and my breathing came in short gasps.

My eyes squeezed tightly shut with fear of falling to the ground, but when my body gave out on me, I collapsed, clenching my chest. I started cramping and my body shook uncontrollably. Tears welled up in my eyes as I struggled for oxygen.

I laid on my back and stared at the sky, thinking that this was it. That my life was about to end.

The sad part of it all was that it was about to end on such a bad note.

The last thing I heard was the echo of voices shouting my name in the distance.

Everything was all a blur. I let the darkness cover me, remembering nothing.

***

If you're liking this story, don't forget to vote and leave a nice review! xoxo