How To Love ✓

39.

Lucien

It was an unpleasant journey back to my dorm. By now, everyone on campus must have known that Amara was in the hospital. I had heard so many rumours and whispers that she had been hit by a car, ran over, or had even been killed. People approached me, offering their sympathies, giving me hugs, and even offering to help me with my assignments—I had no idea whose class we shared! They kept acting like Amara was dead which made me extra guilty.

I just kept walking, brushing the stares and the whispers off until I was in my dorm. Rafel, who happened to be my roommate, was busy lifting weights, when he noticed me enter and stopped.

"Hey man, sorry to hear what happened," I grunted and threw myself on my bed.

"This is probably the umpteenth apology I've heard since I've stepped foot on campus. I don't need any condolences, I'm not the one who's lying on a hospital bed."

Whistling, he turned to face me from the edge of his bed. "Sorry, you're right. Natalina came to update us about what happened. She feels like shit for ruining your relationship. It was the first time I've seen her concerned about someone other than herself."

"I'll believe it when I hear the apology come out from her mouth," I expressed, biting my tongue to refrain from saying something nasty.

"Do you think she'll ever be okay?" He questioned. I straightened up and looked up at him.

I rubbed my face harshly and sighed, "She'll be okay, she has to be."

"I don't think you should beat yourself up about this. You were always true to Amara and she knows that you love her. Heck, the whole school knows and we all agree that you two are soulmates. You didn't mess up and you didn't let her down. Things happen for a reason. Just ... be there for her," he suggested, looking at me solemnly.

"I think me being in her life is causing her more pain than she already endures. Goodness, I have so many people telling me to be there for her, but what about my decisions? What if I decide that she's better without me huh?" I flared.

"Life isn't fair Lucy, but whatever decision you make, just know the real ones will always be there to support you."

***

I spent the next few hours driving to visit Mr. Chester to give him a rundown of what occurred in the last 48 hours. The wind was rustling through the trees and the sun was shining. Even though the breeze was chilly, I could still feel the heat on my skin.

I desperately needed a car ride, just to escape the real world. I felt free to let my heart open up to new ideas and let my mind wander. Every day when I drive, I noticed that my thoughts strayed for very extended periods of time, yet I still managed to stay on the road and made all the correct turns. How was I doing that without crashing or going off the road? How was my brain compensating for my lack of attention? I let my thoughts wander to how crazy life has been these past few weeks.

The people I've met, the things I did, the new experience and the memories I've made. Never would I have thought that love would be a part of it all. My love life in the past is one heck of a story and for the most, I never had great mentors or role models to teach me all about it. I never could've figured out the strength that comes out of meeting some as equally or... more mature than you, someone who could share into the memories you create and can look back on them together.

When I met her, it's like she felt my pain. She accepted my flaws, the flaws that gave her so many warning signs to run and never come back. The day I met her I knew that she was my soulmate, and you may think it was an ironic to say when we only knew each other for 3 months, but this is what I always felt. But the outside; well, let's just say it wasn't some romantic movie ending in a kiss in the rain. We faced so many setbacks and challenges throughout our relationship, but our souls always found ways to find each other - even if at times we tried our best not to, thinking it was for the greater good.