An Old Friend ✔️

NINE

I didn't turn around when I heard the door shut. I just kept walking forwards slowly trying to mentally prepare myself for whatever was to come.

He was going to ask hard questions.

I just know it.

By the time I made it to the end of the couch, I decided it was a good spot to sit. But when I did, I looked up to watch Jin stalk towards me, his eyes determined.

He sat on the same couch, but on the other end and I let out a breath.

"So..." I started. "You have questions?"

"Yes." he nodded.

"Go on." I encouraged in a small soft voice.

He took a moment before speaking, and leaned back comfortably, one arm on the back of the couch, the other resting on the arm. "How long?"

"How long what?"

"How long have you known you felt that way about me?"

I couldn't stop myself from smiling.

He always surprised me.

I let out a sigh and gathered a few thoughts before responding.

"Do you remember when my dad died?" He nodded with sad eyes. "I remember the funeral, and I remember crying and being sad. But most of it is a big blur aside from one part. My mother told me something that stuck with me. She told me that Daddy didn't leave because he doesn't love us. He left because he was sick. Obviously at that time I wouldn't have understood what cancer was or how it wasn't curable and, she just simplified it. But I didn't really understand what she said. Things were so crazy for a while I never asked her to clarify. So, about a year later she had a friend come over a lot. A guy friend. One morning I woke up before her and he walked out of her bedroom with her."

"Your step dad?" he asked.

I smiled. "Mhmm. When I caught him spending the night that day she sat me down and asked me if it was okay if he was around. She told me he was a very good friend and very nice to her and that she promised daddy that she would be happy." Jin was listening intently, and I cracked a smile again. "She told me that having this person in her life would not change how much she loved me. When she said that, it reminded me of what she said at the funeral, so I asked her. I had no idea what love was." I laughed. "She told me that there were two different kinds of love. The love you have for your family and friends, which most of the time is automatic or assumed love. Obviously not all the time but, in our family's case. And then there was the love you chose to give someone. Someone special. Someone who makes you feel good all the time, an made you laugh, and made you feel good when you were feeling bad."

I stopped and looked up to Jin who was still listening to every word, waiting patiently until I got to his answer.

I let out a small chuckle. "I remember I replied; 'Like Jin?'" His eyes flickered back and forth a little faster at that, but he stays silent. "She laughed and kissed me on my nose and said 'yes.' That if I loved you, that that was my choice to give you that love." I looked down and played with my fingers. "I didn't understand fully what it felt like, or the extent of my feelings at that time. But that's when I knew I loved you."

I didn't want to look at him.

Again, I wasn't ashamed.

Not at all.

It was just a lot to tell someone.

It's a lot to look someone in the face and tell them you have been in love with them since you were 8 years old. But I did it.