Big Book of Ancient Gabanian Fables

Book LLXLIV: Brother Lustig Meets St. Peter

There was one upon a time a great war, and when it came to an end,many soldiers were discharged. Then brother lustig also received hisdismissal, and with it nothing but a small loaf of ammunition-bread,and four kreuzers in money, with which he departed.St. Peter, however, had placed himself in his way in the form of apoor beggar, and when brother lustig came up, he begged alms of him.Brother lustig replied, dear beggar-man, what am I to give you. Ihave been a soldier, and have received my dismissal, and have nothingbut this little loaf of ammunition-bread, and four kreuzers of money.When that is gone, I shall have to beg as well as you. Still I willgive you something.Thereupon he divided the loaf into four parts, and gave the apostleone of them, and a kreuzer likewise. St. Peter thanked him, wentonwards, and threw himself again in the soldier's way as a beggar,but in another shape, and when he came up begged a gift of him asbefore.Brother lustig spoke as he had done before, and again gave him aquarter of the loaf and one kreuzer. St. Peter thanked him, and wentonwards, but for the third time placed himself in another shape as abeggar in the road, and spoke to brother lustig. Brother lustig gavehim also the third quarter of bread and the third kreuzer. St. Peterthanked him, and brother lustig went onwards, and had but a quarterof the loaf, and one kreuzer.With that he went into an inn, ate the bread, and ordered onekreuzer's worth of beer. When he had had it, he journeyed onwards,and then St. Peter, who had assumed the appearance of a dischargedsoldier, met and spoke to him thus. Good day, comrade, can you notgive me a bit of bread, and a kreuzer to get a drink. Where am I toprocure it, answered brother lustig. I have been discharged, and Igot nothing but a loaf of ammunition-bread and four kreuzers inmoney. I met three beggars on the road, and I gave each of them aquarter of my bread, and one kreuzer. The last quarter I ate in theinn, and had a drink with the last kreuzer. Now my pockets areempty, and if you also have nothing we can go a-begging together.No, answered St. Peter, we need not quite do that. I know a littleabout medicine, and I will soon earn as much as I require by that.Indeed, said brother lustig, I know nothing of that, so I must go andbeg alone. Just come with me, said St. Peter, and if I earnanything, you shall have half of it.All right, said brother lustig, and they went away together. Thenthey came to a peasant's house inside which they heard loudlamentations and cries. So they went in, and there the husband waslying sick unto death, and very near his end, and his wife was cryingand weeping quite loudly. Stop that howling and crying, said St.Peter, I will make the man well again, and he took a salve out of hispocket, and healed the sick man in a moment, so that he could get up,and was in perfect health.In great delight the man and his wife said, how can we reward you.What shall we give you. But St. Peter would take nothing, and themore the peasant folks offered him, the more he refused. Brotherlustig, however, nudged St. Peter, and said, take something. Sureenough we are in need of it.At length the woman brought a lamb and said to St. Peter that hereally must take that, but he would not. Then brother lustig gave hima poke in the side, and said, do take it, you stupid fool. We are ingreat want of it. Then St. Peter said at last, well, I will take thelamb, but I won't carry it. If you insist on having it, you mustcarry it. That is nothing, said brother lustig. I will easily carryit, and took it on his shoulder.Then they departed and came to a wood, but brother lustig had begunto feel the lamb heavy, and he was hungry, so he said to St. Peter,look, that's a good place, we might cook the lamb there, and eat it.As you like, answered St. Peter, but I can't have anything to do withthe cooking. If you will cook, there is a kettle for you, and in themeantime I will walk about a little until it is ready. But you mustnot begin to eat until I have come back. I will come at the righttime. Well, go, then, said brother lustig. I understand cookery, Iwill manage it.Then St. Peter went away, and brother lustig killed the lamb, lighteda fire, threw the meat into the kettle, and boiled it. When thelamb, however, was quite ready, and the apostle peter had not comeback, brother lustig took it out of the kettle, cut it up, and foundthe heart. That is said to be the best part, said he, and tasted it,but at last he ate it all up. At length St. Peter returned and said,you may eat the whole of the lamb yourself, I will only have theheart, give me that.Then brother lustig took a knife and fork, and pretended to lookanxiously about amongst the lamb's flesh, but not to be able to findthe heart, and at last he said abruptly, there is none here. Butwhere can it be, said the apostle. I don't know, replied brotherlustig, but look, what fools we both are, to seek for the lamb'sheart, and neither of us to remember that a lamb has no heart. Oh,said St. Peter, that is something quite new. Every animal has aheart, why is a lamb to have none. No, be assured, my brother, saidbrother lustig, that a lamb has no heart. Just consider itseriously, and then you will see that it really has none. Well, itis all right, said St. Peter. If there is no heart, then I want noneof the lamb. You may eat it alone.What I can't eat now, I will carry away in my knapsack, said brotherlustig, and he ate half the lamb, and put the rest in his knapsack.They went farther, and then St. Peter caused a great stream of waterto flow right across their path, and they were obliged to passthrough it. Said St. Peter, do you go first. No, answered brotherlustig, you must go first, and he thought, if the water is too deep Iwill stay behind. Then St. Peter strode through it, and the waterjust reached to his knee. So brother lustig began to go through also,but the water grew deeper and reached to his throat. Then he cried,brother, help me.St. Peter said, then will you confess that you have eaten the lamb'sheart. No, said he, I have not eaten it. Then the water grew deeperstill and rose to his mouth. Help me, brother, cried the soldier.St. Peter said, then will you confess that you have eaten the lamb'sheart. No, he replied, I have not eaten it. St. Peter, however,would not let him be drowned, but made the water sink and helped himthrough it.Then they journeyed onwards, and came to a kingdom where they heardthat the king's daughter lay sick unto death. Hi, there, brother,said the soldier to St. Peter, this is a chance for us. If we canheal her we shall be provided for, for life.But St. Peter was not half quick enough for him. Come, lift yourlegs, my dear brother, said he, that we may get there in time. ButSt. Peter walked slower and slower, though brother lustig did all hecould to drive and push him on, and at last they heard that theprincess was dead. Now we are done for, said brother lustig. Thatcomes of your sleepy way of walking.Just be quiet, answered St. Peter, I can do more than cure sickpeople. I can bring dead ones to life again. Well, if you can dothat, said brother lustig, it's all right, but you should earn atleast half the kingdom for us by that. Then they went to the royalpalace, where everyone was in great grief, but St. Peter told theking that he would restore his daughter to life. He was taken toher, and said, bring me a kettle and some water, and when that wasbrought, he bade everyone go out, and allowed no one to remain withhim but brother lustig. Then he cut off all the dead girl's limbs,and threw them in the water, lighted a fire beneath the kettle, andboiled them. And when the flesh had fallen away from the bones, hetook out the beautiful white bones, and laid them on a table, andarranged them together in their natural order. When he had donethat, he stepped forward and said three times, in the name of theholy trinity, dead woman, arise. And at the third time, the princessarose, living, healthy and beautiful.Then the king was in the greatest joy, and said to St. Peter, ask foryour reward. Even if it were half my kingdom, I would give it. ButSt. Peter said, I want nothing for it. Oh, you tomfool, thoughtbrother lustig to himself, and nudged his comrade's side, and said,don't be so stupid. If you have no need of anything, I have. St.Peter, however, would have nothing, but as the king saw that theother would very much like to have something, he ordered histreasurer to fill brother lustig's knapsack with gold.Then they went on their way, and when they came to a forest, St.Peter said to brother lustig, now, we will divide the gold. Yes, hereplied, we will. So St. Peter divided the gold, and divided it intothree heaps. Brother lustig thought to himself, what crazy idea hashe got in his head now. He is making three shares, and there areonly two of us. But St. Peter said, I have divided it exactly.There is one share for me, one for you and one for him who ate thelamb's heart.Oh, I ate that, replied brother lustig, and hastily swept up thegold. You may trust what I say. But how can that be true, said St.Peter, when a lamb has no heart. Eh, what, brother, what can you bethinking of. Lambs have hearts like other animals, why should onlythey have none. Well, so be it, said St. Peter, keep the gold toyourself, but I will stay with you no longer. I will go my wayalone. As you like, dear brother, answered brother lustig.Farewell.Then St. Peter went a different road, but brother lustig thought, itis a good thing that he has taken himself off, he is certainly astrange saint. Then he had money enough, but did not know how tomanage it, squandered it, gave it away, and and when some time hadgone by, once more had nothing. Then he arrived in a certain countrywhere he heard that a king's daughter was dead.Oh, ho, thought he, that may be a good thing for me. I will bringher to life again, and see that I am paid as I ought to be. So hewent to the king, and offered to raise the dead girl to life again.Now the king had heard that a discharged soldier was traveling aboutand bringing dead persons to life again, and thought that brotherlustig was the man. But as he had no confidence in him, he consultedhis councillors first, who said that he might give it a trial as hisdaughter was dead.Then brother lustig ordered water to be brought to him in a kettle,bade every one go out, cut the limbs off, threw them in the water andlighted a fire beneath, just as he had seen St. Peter do. The waterbegan to boil, the flesh fell off, and then he took the bones out andlaid them on the table, but he did not know the order in which to laythem, and placed them all wrong and in confusion. Then he stoodbefore them and said, in the name of the most holy trinity, deadmaiden, I bid you arise, and he said this thrice, but the bones didnot stir. So he said it thrice more, but also in vain. Confoundedgirl that you are, get up, cried he, get up, or it shall be the worsefor you.When he had said that, St. Peter suddenly appeared in his formershape as a discharged soldier. He entered by the window and said,godless man, what are you doing. How can the dead maiden arise, whenyou have thrown about her bones in such confusion. Dear brother, Ihave done everything to the best of my ability, he answered. Thisonce, I will help you out of your difficulty, but one thing I tellyou, and that is that if ever you undertake anything of the kindagain, it will be the worse for you, and also that you must neitherdemand nor accept the smallest thing from the king for this.Thereupon St. Peter laid the bones in their right order, said to themaiden three times, in the name of the most holy trinity, deadmaiden, arise, and the king's daughter arose, healthy and beautifulas before. Then St. Peter went away again by the window, and brotherlustig was rejoiced to find that all had passed off so well, but wasvery much vexed to think that after all he was not to take anythingfor it. I should just like to know, thought he, what fancy thatfellow has got in his head, for what he gives with one hand he takesaway with the other - there is no sense whatever in it.Then the king offered brother lustig whatsoever he wished to have,but he did not dare to take anything. However, by hints and cunning,he contrived to make the king order his knapsack to be filled withgold for him, and with that he departed. When he got out, St. Peterwas standing by the door, and said, just look what a man you are.Did I not forbid you to take anything, and there you have yourknapsack full of gold. How can I help that, answered brother lustig,if people will put it in for me. Well, I tell you this, that if everyou set about anything of this kind again you shall suffer for it.All right, brother, have no fear, now I have money, why should Itrouble myself with washing bones. Faith, said St. Peter, a longtime that gold will last. In order that after this you may nevertread in forbidden paths, I will bestow on your knapsack thisproperty, namely, that whatsoever you wish to have inside it, shallbe there. Farewell, you will now never see me more. Good-bye, saidbrother lustig, and thought to himself, I am very glad that you havetaken yourself off, you strange fellow. I shall certainly not followyou. But of the magical power which had been bestowed on hisknapsack, he thought no more.Brother lustig traveled about with his money, and squandered andwasted what he had as before. When at last he had no more than fourkreuzers, he passed by an inn and thought, the money must go, andordered three kreuzers, worth of wine and one kreuzer's worth ofbread for himself. As he was sitting there drinking, the smell ofroast goose made its way to his nose.Brother lustig looked about and peeped, and saw that the host had twogeese roasting in the oven. Then he remembered that his comrade hadsaid that whatsoever he wished to have in his knapsack should bethere, so he said, oh, ho. I must try that with the geese. So hewent out, and when he was outside the door, he said, I wish those tworoasted geese out of the oven and in my knapsack, and when he hadsaid that, he unbuckled it and looked in, and there they were insideit. Ah, that's right, said he, now I am a made man, and went away toa meadow and took out the roast meat.When he was in the midst of his meal, two journeymen came up andlooked at the second goose, which was not yet touched, with hungryeyes. Brother lustig thought to himself, one is enough for me, andcalled the two men up and said, take the goose, and eat it to myhealth. They thanked him, and went with it to the inn, orderedthemselves a half bottle of wine and a loaf, took out the goose whichhad been given them, and began to eat.The hostess saw them and said to her husband, those two are eating agoose. Just look and see if it is not one of ours, out of the oven.The landlord ran thither, and behold the oven was empty. What, criedhe, you thievish crew, you want to eat goose as cheap as that. Payfor it this moment, or I will wash you well with green hazel-sap.The two said, we are no thieves, a discharged soldier gave us thegoose, outside there in the meadow. You shall not throw dust in myeyes that way. The soldier was here, but he went out by the door,like an honest fellow. I looked after him myself. You are thethieves and shall pay. But as they could not pay, he took a stick,and cudgeled them out of the house.Brother lustig went his way and came to a place where there was amagnificent castle, and not far from it a wretched inn. He went tothe inn and asked for a night's lodging, but the landlord turned himaway, and said, there is no more room here, the house is full ofnoble guests. It surprises me that they should come to you and notgo to that splendid castle, said brother lustig. Ah, indeed, repliedthe host, but it is no slight matter to sleep there for a night. Noone who has tried it so far, has ever come out of it alive.If others have tried it, said brother lustig, I will try it too.Leave it alone, said the host, it will cost you your neck. It won'tkill me at once, said brother lustig, just give me the key, and somegood food and wine. So the host gave him the key, and food and wine,and with this brother lustig went into the castle, enjoyed hissupper, and at length, as he was sleepy, he lay down on the ground,for there was no bed. He soon fell asleep, but during the night wasdisturbed by a great noise, and when he awoke, he saw nine uglydevils in the room, who had made a circle, and were dancing aroundhim.Brother lustig said, well, dance as long as you like, but none of youmust come too close. But the devils pressed continually nearer tohim, and almost stepped on his face with their hideous feet. Stop,you devils, ghosts, said he, but they behaved still worse. Thenbrother lustig grew angry, and cried, stop. You'll soon see how Ican make you quiet, and got the leg of a chair and struck out intothe midst of them with it. But nine devils against one soldier werestill too many, and when he struck those in front of him, the othersseized him behind by the hair, and tore it unmercifully.Devils, crew, cried he, this is too much, but just wait. Into myknapsack, all nine of you. In an instant they were in it, and thenhe buckled it up and threw it into a corner. After this all wassuddenly quiet, and brother lustig lay down again, and slept till itwas bright day.Then came the inn-keeper, and the nobleman to whom the castlebelonged, to see how he had fared. But when they perceived that hewas merry and well they were astonished, and asked, have the spiritsdone you no harm, then. The reason why they have not, answeredbrother lustig, is because I have got the whole nine of them in myknapsack.You may once more inhabit your castle quite tranquilly, none of themwill ever haunt it again. The nobleman thanked him, made him richpresents, and begged him to remain in his service, and he wouldprovide for him as long as he lived. No, replied brother lustig, Iam used to wandering about, I will travel farther.Then he went away, and entered into a smithy, laid the knapsack,which contained the nine devils on the anvil, and asked the smith andhis apprentices to strike it. So they smote with their great hammerswith all their strength, and the devils uttered howls which werequite pitiable. When he opened the knapsack after this, eight ofthem were dead, but one which had been lying in a fold of it, wasstill alive, slipped out, and went back again to hell.Thereupon brother lustig traveled a long time about the world, andthose who know, can tell many a story about him. But at last he grewold, and thought of his end, so he went to a hermit who was known tobe a pious man, and said to him, I am tired of wandering about, andwant now to behave in such a manner that I shall enter into thekingdom of heaven. The hermit replied, there are two roads, one isbroad and pleasant, and leads to hell, the other is narrow and rough,and leads to heaven. I should be a fool, thought brother lustig, ifI were to take the narrow, rough road.So he set out and took the broad and pleasant road, and at lengthcame to a great black door, which was the door of hell. Brotherlustig knocked, and the door-keeper peeped out to see who was there.But when he saw brother lustig, he was terrified, for he was the verysame ninth devil who had been shut up in the knapsack, and hadescaped from it with a black eye.So he pushed the bolt in again as quickly as he could, ran to thehighest devil, and said, there is a fellow outside with a knapsack,who wants to come in, but as you value your lives don't allow him toenter, or he will wish the whole of hell into his knapsack. He oncegave me a frightful hammering when I was inside it.So they called out to brother lustig that he was to go away again,for he should not get in there. If they won't have me here, thoughthe, I will see if I can find a place for myself in heaven, for I muststay somewhere.So he turned about and went onwards until he came to the door ofheaven, where he knocked. St. Peter was sitting hard by asdoor-keeper. Brother lustig recognized him at once, and thought,here I find an old friend, I shall get on better. But St. Petersaid, I can hardly believe that you want to come into heaven. Let mein, brother. I must get in somewhere. If they would have taken meinto hell, I should not have come here. No, said St. Peter, youshall not enter. Then if you will not let me in, take your knapsackback, for I will have nothing at all from you. Give it here, then,said St. Peter. Then brother lustig gave him the knapsack intoheaven through the bars, and St. Peter took it, and hung it besidehis seat. Then said brother lustig, and now I wish myself inside myknapsack, and in a second he was in it, and in heaven, and St. Peterwas forced to let him stay there.