You're Not in this Alone *The final book in the We'll Carry on Series*

So long and goodnight

 I took her cold, lifeless hand in my own, debating if I was really doing the right thing or not. I loved Stormy so much. She was the love of my life, my better half, the mother to our amazing little girl. Without Stormy around, I wasn’t me. I wasn’t the same Gerard and I don’t think I ever could be. She was my sunshine, my happiness, and now that she’s not here, it’s like an eclipse in my life. My gut and mind were both telling me it was time to let go, but the little pieces that were now left of my heart were telling me to hold on and never let go. I listened to my gut this time. I had to let go so I could mourn and get back on my feet. That’s what she would want. That’s what Stormy would want.

I knew the final song I wanted to leave her with. A song that wasn’t written by my hand, but described every fucked up emotion I was feeling. Despair, sorrow, fear, heart-break. I climbed into the bed next to a very still woman who looked identical to my wife, and held her in my arms, careful of her tubes and IV’s.

I studied her face for any signs that this wasn’t real, for proof that she was still my wife. Her full lips were still pink and soft, her cheeks still round, but not rosy anymore. She had the same hair and tattoos. All of the evidence suggested she was my wife, but if that were true, then why was she not fighting anymore? Stormy never gave up, ever. That just wasn’t her; the words ‘give up’ weren’t in her vocabulary. I kissed her head as I felt tears sting my eyes. Crying seemed to be a regular thing for me now, but could you blame me? I drew in a breath and began singing to her for the last time.

“Hey there now, where’d you go? You left me here so unexpected.
You changed my life; I hope you know, because now I’m lost, so unprotected.”

Stormy really was my protection, she kept me safe from all of the darkness that followed me. She kept me safe from myself and my own demons. She encouraged me and reminded me that I would be alright, that I was stronger than my demons who tried to drown me. She had changed my life for the better. She brought color and light into my dark, scary world. She made me a better man, a better friend, a better performer. She inspired me every day, and now? Now she’s left me here to do it all on my own without her. Something I’m not sure I can do.

“In a blink of an eye, I never got to say goodbye. Like a shooting star flyin' across the room.

So fast so far, you were gone too soon. You're part of me, and I'll never be the same here without you.

You were gone too soon.”

I don’t think I will ever understand why she was taken from us. Maybe she wasn’t dead yet, but I couldn’t stay and watch her fade into nothing. She was my other half; she really was a part of me. I wouldn’t be happy again, not really. She was my happiness, and I won’t be the same person without her. I wish I could take her place. I would do anything just to hear her say she loved me one last time.

“You were always there, and like a shining light. On my darkest days, you were there to guide me.

Oh I miss you now. I wish you could see, just how much your memory will always mean to me.”

I heard her heart monitor slow as I sang to her. Fresh tears fell from my eyes. She was letting go. My breathing became shaky and rough and my voice cracked from the giant lump in my throat. I held her closer to me as I sang the last part of the song, my voice raw.

“In a blink an eye, I never got to say goodbye! Like a shooting star, flying across the room, so fast so far. You were gone too soon! You're part of me, and I’ll never be the same here without you. You were gone

too soon. Shine on! Shine on! To a better place, shine on, shine on. We’ll never be the same.”

 I drew in another ragged breath as her heart began to slow more, my arms shaking. She was really leaving me. She was actually giving up and leaving me here alone. I couldn’t shake the tears that fell relentlessly from my swollen eyes. I kissed her head and whispered the last line to my wife, who was slowly slipping away from my grasp.