You're Not in this Alone *The final book in the We'll Carry on Series*

I mean this.

Stormy’s point of View

Two weeks later;

The sky was still dark as I woke up to ready myself for today. Today was the day the progression of my cancer was being checked and from there it would be decided what steps were next in this long fucking journey. I had decided to take Bandit with me since Gerard had been acting really funny. He barely left his art room anymore and Bandit and I were lucky to see him once a day now. Since he had that awful, vividly lucid dream of my being in the hospital and dying, he hasn’t been the same. It’s to the point where he doesn’t even come to bed anymore. You would think that having a dream like that would make you hold your spouse closer, could have fooled me. He’s even been picking arguments with me which really is unusual. We never fight. It’s honestly draining me of what little energy I actually have. Our argument this morning was the worst though and I was still in tears from it.

This morning;

“Gerard, honey? Can I talk to you?” I knocked on my hermit of a husband’s door. I heard the lock click and someone sit in a chair again.

“Baby, are you coming with us to my appointment today? I could really use my family’s support. I feel like you’ve kind of disappeared.” I spoke to my hands, nervous to make him upset.

“Don’t start this, Stormy. This isn’t a fight you want to pick. I’m staying home.” He growled, not bothering to look up at me.

“What is wrong with you, Gerard?!” I snapped pleadingly.

“Me?” He chuckled darkly, looking up from his desk and at me, “What’s wrong with me? I’m not the selfish one who’s fucking dying!” He yelled, standing up abruptly.

“Like I have a fucking choice?! I’ve done everything I’ve been told! What happened to ‘We’re in this together’?” I yelled, tears pricking my eyes.

“I’m not going to be a part of this anymore. It isn’t fair to me. I’ll live here and I’ll help with Bandit, but I think you and I are done, Stormy. I’m not going to just sit around and wait for you to break your vows and leave me.” He retorted, sitting back in his chair.

“I guess all of those words, the past five years, our vows. They meant nothing to you? Okay. I understand, I love you. I have to go, you obviously need some space. I don’t know when I’ll be back. I’m taking Bandit with me.” I stood up, wiping my tears from my eyes and gaining my composure. His head snapped up to look at me.

“You aren’t fucking taking my daughter away from me. She doesn’t need to watch her mom die either.” His stare would have killed me if looks could kill.

“She’s my daughter too, I died for her. She goes where I go. Period. Bye, Gerard. I hope you figure out what this marriage means to you, what this family means.” And with that, I turned on my heel. Gathered some of mine and Bandit’s things and walked out.

Present time;

Bee was all buckled and secured in the back seat. She had a coloring book on her lap and crayons in her hands. She was so artistic, just like her dad and I. I looked back into the rearview mirror to see Bandit concentrated with her little tongue poked out of the side of her lips. God, I wasn’t going to escape him, was I? I loved Gerard with all of my heart, and arguing with him killed me, but he couldn’t possibly have convinced himself that this awful disease was my fault. I thought he wanted to renew our vows, not break up and go down the treacherous path of… no, I’m not saying it. It isn’t even an option for us. We agreed we would always work it out. But if he isn’t happy, if he’s hurting, then could I really ask him to stay? This all just hurt too much.

I pulled into the parking lot of my doctor’s office and cut the engines, resting my head on my hands, which were gripping the steering wheel.

“Are you otay, mommy?” Bandit asked, snapping me from my thoughts.

“Yeah, baby.” I smiled at her through the rear view mirror, “Mommy’s just sleepy. Ready to go, princess?”  She smiled and nodded her head.

I loved my daughter more than anything. If nothing else, I would fight to the ends of the earth for her. For my little Bandit.

Gerard’s Point of View;

Way to go, Gerard. You let your stupid fucking fears get in the way of your relationship. Stormy needed me and I was being distant and hurtful. I was terrified of losing her, that dream just seemed so fucking real. I was so sure that is actually had happened for days after I woke up. I walked around being so monotonous that I didn’t even realize what was happening.

I left Stormy alone in this. She had a point. I was acting like a fucking asshole. I couldn’t fucking stop myself though, I was wallowing in my own self-pity. Now, I’m sitting alone in our room looking at her empty drawers, wondering if I could fix any of this. She left and she took Bandit with her. My two reasons for living, my inspiration, just walked out of the front door and I did nothing to try and stop either one of them. Suddenly I felt the sheets vibrate indicating my phone was ringing.

Oh shit, it was my brother.

“He-hello?” I answered hesitantly.

“GERARD ARTHUR FUCKING WAY!” Oh shit, I was in trouble.

“Mikes…” He cut me off.

“Oh no, don’t you ‘Mikes’ me! How could you fucking say anything like that to Stormy?! You have no idea how long you have with her and you just FUCKING LEAVE HER?! Are you fucking kidding me, Gerard? Are you fucking high or just plain stupid?” Mikey screeched into the receiver. I had to hold the phone away from my head.

“I take it she called you.” I poured my sass into my response, trying to keep my hard façade. I couldn’t show that this broke me down.

“SHE’S FUCKING AT MY HOUSE BAWLING OVER RESULTS AND HER LIFE WITH YOU!” He screamed. H-her results. What results would make her cry? No..

“C-can I come see her and my daughter?” I asked softly.

“HA! Hell no, you’re staying away until she says differently. I refuse to let her get more upset, especially with everything she’s going through. You fucked up.” He hissed and then hung up, leaving me with my mouth agape and my eyes puffy.

He was right. I really did fuck up, but he wasn’t even trying to see this from my perspective. The sad part was, I was going to lose my wife regardless, it was just in my control this way. I wish I hadn’t opened my foolish fucking mouth.

Way to go, Gerard.