A Deal With the Devil

Chapter 3

______Trigger Warning (self harm) _______

Some don't understand the reason as to why people cut.

Some cut to feel pain.

Others want to feel any emotion besides loneliness.

The list goes on.

But mine?

I do it to feel control.

I can't control anything in my life.

But hurting myself? I can control how often, how deep, how many. That's something I can control. 

Katie, I loved her, so much.

We spent so much time together and not once had she ever given any red flags. She was my person. The one who understood me without question. Whenever I had just been so exhausted or scared, she'd hug me to a point where my body would scream at being touched so roughly. But she held me like she never wanted to let go.

There has to be something else she's not telling me. It couldn't have been because I wouldn't introduce her to my father. It was so out of the blue, why would she cheat? 

Was it all a lie? How could she dismiss me so easily? 

Was it just temporary for her?

Did I do something wrong?

Had I not pleased or satisfied her enough?

I don't know anymore.

I got up and headed to the place where I so dreaded.

I passed by places that made the world seem a little less cruel.

An elementary school.

A lovely flower shop.

The only good memories that I have were of when my mother was still here. From before she left. I didn't know what time it was but hopefully my father was asleep or at work.

I don't know what will happen when I get home.

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When I reached the house, I didn't bother with the front door. I looked around to see if anyone was watching and once satisfied, I quietly climbed up the side of the house.

I always left my window unlocked - just in case.

I grabbed onto the ledge and slowly pulled myself up. I had forgotten about the pain my body was experiencing until my ribs started screaming.

I struggled to get up, I had taken to using the side of the house as a boost.

Once on the roof, I crouched to keep my balance and moved closer to the window.

I took a quick peek inside then I - carefully - ever so carefully slid the window open.

Once I was inside I didn't know whether or not to risk closing the window because knowing my luck something would happen.

In the end I just decided to leave it, it would make for a quick get away, should I need it.

I looked around and my gaze landed on my phone.

I stood there.

Frozen.

Should I read the messages?

I didn't want to.

I snapped my gaze towards the door as I heard the lumbers of my father.

I hid under the bed.