A Deal With the Devil

Chapter 8

I sat there after they left the room.

I honestly don't know how she was able to pull that off, but I'm glad that I'm not going to end up in a psych unit or a mental institution.

I didn't know what was going to happen, where was I going to end up.

Do I have to go back to that house?

To that room?

I didn't know.

I didn't want to show my goddess where I lived, I don't want her to know what I've been through.

I just want a clean slate.

I thought back what the doctor said, how nobody answered for me.

Was I really that worthless?

I wasn't worth a phone call? A visit? A fucking get well card?

I leaned back against the bed and sighed.

I really am pathetic. My mother didn't love me enough to stay and my father -

Well.

It's always been this way.

Someone will love me, then leave.

Will my goddess be the same?

Will she leave me too?

I mean she probably will, eventually.

She's being forced to love me anyway.

God.

She's being forced to.

Fuck.

How fucking selfish can I be?

"Do you truly believe yourself to be selfish, my love?"

I froze.

So she can hear my thoughts.

Holy shit.

Fuck.

Fuck fuck fuck.

My internal panic was cut off by a thunderous laugh.

Loud and genuine.

I finally turn my head towards her to see something so incredibly beautiful.

She was hunched forward, her arms holding her stomach as if to contain her insides from bursting.

Her smile so wide that I could see her slightly fanged teeth and her eyes closed, the sheer force of her laugh keeping them shut.

She's absolutely beautiful.

She stopped laughing and stood up slowly, she watched me with a hint of a smile and my eyes widened.

I really need to stop doing that.

She started moving towards me and I could hear the heart monitor starting to race.

She sat gently one the bed and grabbed my hand, her thumb moving in circular motions.

"I have not any thought of you to be selfish, you are not forcing me. I ... want to love and be loved by you- yearn for such things if I may be completely candid."

I search her eyes - for what I don't know - but they never falter. I see her hand reach toward my face and finch. It's a gentle caress, tracing and outlining my face. I see her frown in sadness, what was she sad about? Then I stopped and realized that I flinched. Was it because of that? I didn't mean to- 

"I am with heavy realization as to why you flinched, Lucifer ... has informed me." 

I stilled. I wonder what he said to her, what she knows.

I nod, accepting whatever pieces of information that have been relayed to her. 

Her hand still on my cheek, tilting my head back towards her. Her eyes are staring, scanning my face and eventually land on my lips. 

Her thumb moves back and forth on my cheek, comforting. 

I so badly wonder what it's like to kiss her.

Her eyes flit back to mine in surprise and I start to panic before she smiles. She leans closer and tilts her head, almost meeting my lips but stop before they do. It takes me a second to realize that she's waiting for me to make the final move.

I let out a shaky breath and hesitated. Was I over Katie? How could I make such a wish to be loved when I wasn't even sure of my heart?

My goddess moved back and looked at me with understanding.

"I'm sorr-"

She stopped me from apologizing by placing a careful thumb against my lips.

"That's quite alright, my dear. I am not offended nor am I angry." Her eyes are soft with warmth, "You have been through extended bouts of violence and emotional harm that was pitted against you by people who were thought to have your best interests at heart. And I, for one, " her lips pick up in a small smile, "find it completely reasonable that you are not quite over your recent beau considering how little time has past between then and now."

She moves her thumb and I let out a breath of relief and smile at her, which only causes hers to grow.

She has a mischievous look in her eyes again and says, "But - if I may provide you with an incentive?"

I bit my lip as she drew close again.

"As a close friend of mine had stated most recently - how had she said it? Ah, I believe it was, 'To get over someone you must get under another?'"

I let out a laugh before she firmly kissed me and suddenly and I felt something burst within me. Like there was a million butterflies in my stomach while my lungs expanded as to make room inside my body that was only meant for her.

She kissed me fully like she had no interest of pulling away, her lips were so soft - gentle- and slow. Like she was savoring it. 

I was forced to pull away when I needed to breath and started gasping while she giggled.

I shook my head and started laughing too.

She laid her head gently against mine and smiled tenderly.

I kissed her again, which must have shocked her because I heard her gasp, I swallowed it and kissed her with more force than before.

She returned each kiss the same way and I didn't realize that I had my hands in her hair until she moaned.

I pulled back, embarrassed.

"I did not know you had it in you, amare."

I looked down at my lap as I felt my face heat up, amare?

"Well," she started, "before our.... entanglement, I was notified as to your recent discharge. I believe someone should come to remove each of the machines wiring."

Just as she finished saying that, a nurse entered the room, knocking on the door. "Are we all set? I'm going to be taking care of you, taking out all the needles and such. It'll just be a little pinch ok?"

Yay, I thought sarcastically.

My goddess squeezed my hand as if to reassure me.

Apparently the nurse didn't really expect me to answer since she had already moved to removing all the clips, needles, and wires from me.

I hear my goddess sigh happily to see me free of such things.

The way she spoke was entirely different as if trained in an entirely new dialect that predated our more modern one but I enjoyed it.

I wonder how Lucifer brought her to me, why he even agreed at all. I wonder about how she came to be, is she a demon? If so, how did she become one?

I let those thoughts fade away, it doesn't matter.

It made her seem more divine than she already was.