A Deal With the Devil

Chapter 7

I was in the hospital for a while. About almost five weeks I think. Some of the days passed rather quickly but I slept most of the time so I don't really know.

I'd get nightmares a lot. I woke up screaming or crying because the vision of my father became too much. The dreams would be different each time, they'd start normally then turn into something sinister.

Something so dark and grueling that I felt like I was suffocating, drowning in air that would never let me go. When I'd finally calm down and stop screaming or stop crying, she was there.

She'd been there when I'd wake up gasping for air as if I'd been choked and when sobs racked my body so violently.

She'd been there to hold me, to speak in tongues that would chase the dreams away. Sitting gently in the bed with me, mindful of the areas that hurt. 

She would pull me towards her, guiding my head to rest against the part of her neck that met her shoulder - rocking me gently - back and forth.

I can't really remember the last time anyone did that.

In those moments I'd felt safer with her than I had with anyone in a long time.

It rattled me honestly, to feel safer in a room with a stranger rather than anyone else I had known for a greater period of time.

She made sure I ate a decent amount of whatever food the nurse gave me, feeding me. I felt like a child, one who couldn't care for themselves. 

But for some reason, it was never in a demeaning fashion.

It was encouraging and caring.

When I couldn't eat anymore, she would put it aside and tell me well done, you finished as much as you could.

She would stay while the nurses would change my bandages, only leaving when she felt that I was uncomfortable with her in the room, coming back as soon as my hospital gown was back in place. 

She would watch as the nurses would change an IV bag as if in mild fascination. 

I didn't know how to feel about this. Her silent and caring demeanor gently uprooted my defenses. 

It was so strange. My father would buy groceries or leave take out for me whenever he felt guilty, not out of genuine care. I'd starve because I'd either forget to eat or I couldn't stomach even the thought of food after something so traumatic. 

But here she was. Making sure that I ate and making sure that I drank enough water. Outside of Ashley and sometimes..... sometimes Katie, she's been the only one to care about if I ate or not in a long time.

I felt guilty.

I sold my soul to the devil just to have someone care for me, protect me, and love me.

I hope that loving me isn't the hardest thing that she's ever had to do.

This woman was the epitome of perfection. She has such kind eyes -even though she seemed entirely mischievous- she has not once gotten impatient dealing with me. She always answered my questions with care no matter how stupid they seem and I just-

Why did Lucifer send her to me?

She deserves someone who is as beautiful as she is. Someone who can care for and protect her instead of someone who hurts themselves just because she can't handle things. Someone who doesn't gets beaten constantly, someone who isn't so dull in comparison.

I'm weak.
I'm suicidal.
I'm ugly.
My teeth aren't straight or insanely white.
My hair is jagged and sometimes unbrushable.
My skin is covered in scars, cuts and bruises.
I'm....

I'm not worthy of her.

I have nothing to offer her in return in terms of any kind of stability - emotional, financial, even fucking mental.

I think about my parents a lot, if they can even be called that,  I wonder if they would visit me in the hospital or if they even knew.

I mean they had to know, right?

I'm eighteen, legally I'm an adult but I am still a high school student, they have to notify someone that I'm here.

As I thought about this I didn't notice that a doctor had entered the room, "How are you doing today, Kassandra?"

I was startled and I finally realized what the doctor asked, "I'm fine", I responded.

The lie of my damned life.

The doctor seemed satisfied though, oblivious to my inner thoughts.

"You ribs are healing quite nicely as is your nose. You seem to be moving around better, but the thing I am concerned about are your cuts and scars."

Panic grip at my chest.

The doctor put her clipboard down and crossed her arms, "Usually when we find that a patient is self harming, we hold them in the psych unit until we speak with a parent or guardian about next steps; be it a constant 24 hour observation or choosing the best mental health facility."

Fear stuck me.

Fuck.

Fuck.

I could feel myself starting to hyperventilate and I know that the heart monitor was going to announce my inner turmoil, but before it could -by some miracle- my goddess appeared. She walked in through the door and her stride directed toward me, she simply sat on the bed and held my hand with such gentleness, with such grace and ease that it surprised me.

She captured my gaze with her jaded eyes and I couldn't find it in myself to look away.

It was like I was trapped but I never wanted to be freed.

The doctor turned to my goddess, and was about to send her away before she realized who she was.

She sighed and turned back to me."Ms. Levette?" 

"Yes?"

"Do you have anyone to call? We've been trying to get ahold of someone for the past week or so, no one's been answering." 

I was trying think of something to say when yet again, "I can sign whatever paper's that are needed for her discharge doctor, I am acting as her emergence contact at this instant".

The doctor and I looked at her in confusion, I didn't know what she was playing at. She looked unbelievable young but not as young as I did, I don't know if she was going to be able to pull this off.

"I would prefer to speak to someone about-"

She squeezed my hand and I'm not entirely sure she couldn't read my thoughts, out of the corner of my eye I saw her lip tilt in the slightest of smirks.

My goddess cut her off, "Unfortunately, Kassandra's parents are unavailable, as I'm sure you can tell by the lack of contact from them. But as she is eighteen years of age, she's outside the need for parental confirmation and thus their signatures remain unnecessary. I am aware of her self harming situation and I intend to discuss this with her at length."

"I was not informed of this-"

"It's a rather new development but if you have any other questions regarding her release, I can answer them, I assure you."

She smiled in a professional manner but I could detect a hint of something else in her eyes.

The doctor balked and stuttered for a bit before nodding and gestured for her to follow.

She looked at me and winked before lifting herself off the bed and gracefully tread behind her.