Aubrey, the Star

28: field of view

Aubrey

★

field of view - "the area of the sky visible through a telescope."

    "Aubrey!"

    Mickey shouted. She spun around fast as lightning, reaching out to grab my arm. My teeth bit down on my bottom lip and I jumped out of her grasp. A small shriek escaped my lips while heat flooded my face. My friend eyed me suspiciously with an arched eyebrow. I rubbed at my forehead, embarrassed to be caught in another daze.

    "I'm sorry," I said, mumbling. I pushed my hair out of my face to see Mickey in a different dress than the one she wore a few minutes ago. My butt met the plush lounge I'd been laying on. "I didn't realize that I'd zoned out on you."

    Her eyes narrowed and she tilted her head to the side. She looked like the ultimate pixie. Ready to send a dose of cursed magic my way.

    "You didn't hear me calling your name for like two minutes straight?" she asked.

    My mouth fell as I gaped at her. "I'm sorry, Mickey. Really."

    She sighed, turning away from me to face the mirror. It was a luxury one that started at the ceiling and ran down to the floor. "Yeah," she said, "you said that twice already, Aubrey." I winced inwardly and sank further down into the lounge. She looked at me again, catching my eyes in the mirror. "You're okay, right?"

    The truth sat on my chest heavy. The lies were beginning to swirl all around me, suffocating me. I wanted to do nothing else but confess everything to Mickey. She was my bestfriend and, honestly, it was something that I should've done a week ago. I just couldn't tell her. Something was holding me back. Fear, possibly? And the last thing I wanted to do was burden someone else with my problems again.

    I've felt like it has been all about me and my shattered feelings since I got to Chellgren.

    My mom, then Jameson, and now Harden? Let's not forget about Mariah and Charlotte. Everyone was attacking me from all sides, but they were my fights. I had to solve all of this out myself.

    Starting with Harden. I'd been doing a good enough job of hiding the evidence. My long sleeve shirt was proof of that. He bruised my wrist the other day from gripping too tight. And the bruises on my torso were yellowish now. Still tender but I managed to hide the pain through tense smiles.

    Homecoming was my main focus now (much to my disdain).

    I went stiff, the twisting pulled at the bruises along my ribcage.

    "Hello! Earth to Aubrey?!" Mickey waved her hands in my face, pulling me out of my head once again. "Can you tell me what the fuck is going on with you?"

    I rolled my eyes. "Nothing," I said, impatiently. My tone was sharp and it made her step back. The corners of my mouth fell and a frown formed. I inhaled sharply. Feeling my throat constrict uncomfortably with every breath I took.

    My insides were dying slowly from toxicity. The guilt was like gasoline in my guts. One spark and all would be set ablaze. The fire that I forced myself to eat down was burning me from the inside out. I wanted to erupt. The fear of becoming a shell of a person was nearing. The girl I once was, or the girl that I was trying hard to become, wouldn't have a chance.

    And I had a friend right here, my best friend, and I didn't want to let her in.

    Two steps forward and a whole staircase back.