Aubrey, the Star

31: fault

Aubrey

★

fault - "a geological term that refers to a fracture or a break in a hard surface like the earth's crust."

Harden was angry.

Well, he was always angry. 

This time was just... different.

The motel room we were in was cringeworthy. The single bed looked like it was infested with bedbugs, the snot yellow paint peeled off the walls, and the bathroom...don't even get me started on the fucking bathroom.

This room wasn't like the type used in those romance movies. You know the ones where the guy would bring the girl after a big dance to share their special moment. There was no chocolate on the pillows either. Dingy and cheap was the mood. Perfect. I'm sure Harden just wanted me to feel right at home.

I felt like such an idiot.

I saw the signs before and chose not to believe them. Ignoring them just led me down a road that I couldn't veer off of easily. I thought I was well versed in the tells of when someone was manic while high. Harden easily slipped right past me. And I hated to admit that a little part of me allowed him to.

Harden ran a hand through his hair feverishly. Those long fingers fell on his tie, loosening that, and unbuttoning the collar of his dress shirt. I stood in the corner of the room in a failed attempt to blend in with the wallpaper. My nerves tempted me to run out of the room.

He was closer to the door. I wouldn't stand a chance escaping.

"What's wrong?" I asked. My voice cracked on the words and hair stood straight on my arms. The anxiety I had when dealing with his unpredictability was enough to make me want to die.

Anything was better than Harden knowing how much he really frightened me. Even when I tried to remain strong, the armor cracked. Exposing the vulnerability I tried to shield.

My fear was as obvious as the cracks on the walls. Like the cracks, the wear and tear were bruises on my body. The culprit stood before me, fumbling in his pant pockets. He pulled a baggie of white powder out and smiled. I watched carefully as Harden licked his index finger before dipping it into the coke. He pulled it out and swished his finger around on his upper gums.

I couldn't breathe. It felt like someone was choking me.

My eyes widened in horror.

My mom had been a drug addict. I just never saw her doing anything. Not with my own eyes. With her, I only dealt with the side effects. Watching Harden proudly harm himself caused grief to shower down on me like a torrential downpour. He was really this person. And it was hard to believe. Even when the evidence was clear.

When drugs got a hold of mom, she was no longer the person she used to be.

Who was Harden when his high came down? When his temporary relief was all said and done for? Was he broken too?

He watched me closely as he moved more powder around in his mouth with a finger. Harden's eyes looked angry in untold pain. His body went stiff. The air between us grew rigid and cold. That's when I knew he was far away. He looked at me as if I was an enemy. Was that how he really saw me? Why?

I breathed deeply while his mind tried to decide what to do next. I already knew that decision. He was prepared to break me. My body cowered against the wall. I felt small and insignificant. Harden moved closer. His figure overpowered my own with each step he took.