Mat Barzal Imagines

Change

Warnings: One swear word, anxiety, angst

Word Count: 1.2k

You shook in your boots as you walked down the hallway towards Mat's apartment.

You had been dating Mat Barzal for almost three years, and you had a happy relationship. The two of you had found a balance in seeing enough of each other while maintaining separate social lives, you with your friends in college and him with his teammates. As such, Mat often had Tito and Jordan Eberle over at his apartment. While you liked them both a lot, you hoped Mat was alone tonight because you were clutching a letter in your jacket pocket that had the potential to change your entire life.

You were preparing to go to graduate school next fall, and you had to choose between going for a master's degree and then applying again for a PhD program or going for a PhD and earning a master's degree along the way. Your two top choices were NYU for a master's degree and USC for a PhD. USC had one of the most prestigious PhD programs in your chosen field of study in the country. Getting into a PhD program without a master's degree had become significantly more difficult in the past five to ten years, though, and there were currently about thirty PhD students in that program.

The letter in your pocket announced that you beat all the odds and had been chosen to pursue a PhD at USC. You should have been over the moon, and you were, but you were also apprehensive because you didn't know how to tell Mat. Accepting their offer of admission, especially without knowing whether you got into NYU or not, would be a huge deal. If you accepted USC's offer, you would be moving to Los Angeles for the next six or seven years. Both you and Mat knew this was a possibility, but you never thought you were going to get in, so you never considered what would happen if you did.

You reached the door and pulled your keys out of your bag. When you turned the lock and opened the door, you immediately heard commotion.

Of course he wasn't alone.

You walked inside the apartment, and thanks to the open layout, you saw that Mat, Tito, and Jordan were playing video games in the living room. You took off your jacket, hung it up in the closet by the door, and kept the letter in your hand.

You were heading over to the living room when you walked straight into Tito.

"Hey, (Y/N), how are you?" Tito said, hugging you.

"I'm fine, how are you?" you replied, but when you pulled away, you dropped the letter on his feet.

"What's that?" Tito reached to pick it up, but you snatched it away before he could see it.

"Nothing, it's nothing," you said. Tito looked unconvinced, but he let it go.

"Hey, babe!" Mat looked over his shoulder. "What's that in your hand?"

This was not how you wanted to do this, but you silently walked over to the couch and handed Mat the letter. He unfolded it, and as he read it, his face broke out into a smile.

"Oh my God, (Y/N), you got in! I'm so proud of you!" Mat stood up and ran over to you, picking you up and spinning you around in a circle. You giggled in his arms. Maybe you didn't have anything to worry about after all.

"What happened?" Jordan asked.

"(Y/N) got into USC's PhD program!" Mat announced proudly. You began to relax and started smiling.

"Congratulations, that's amazing!" Jordan said.

"I second that," Tito said, "You really deserve it, (Y/N). No one works as hard as you."

"Thanks, guys," you replied.

"But wait, isn't USC in L.A.?" Jordan brought up the dreaded and unwanted question. You were about to answer, but Mat beat you to it.

"Yeah, but she's still waiting to hear from NYU, and if she gets in, which she obviously will, she's going to go there instead."

The sinking feeling that you had had all day returned, and before you could stop yourself, you said, "Not necessarily."

The air was instantly sucked out of the room. Tito's eyes were bulging out of his head, Jordan raised his eyebrows, and Mat's face darkened.

"What do you mean?" Mat asked you.

"If I get in to NYU, I'm obviously going to give it a lot of thought, but it's going to be really hard for me to turn down USC," you replied, "I mean, this is a life-changing opportunity."

"But you'll be 3,000 miles away for six or seven years!"

You hadn't noticed him move, but Jordan had gotten off the couch and was standing next to Tito when he said, "You know what, we're going to head out. See you tomorrow, Mat, and congrats, (Y/N)."

"Thanks," you said as the two hockey players grabbed their bags by the door and left the apartment.

"I thought you were only applying to USC in case if you didn't get into NYU," Mat continued as if his teammates had never left.

"That was definitely part of it," you said, "But only because I thought I would never get in to USC. They only have thirty grad students in that program right now, which means I'm one of a dozen, tops, people that they admitted. I mean, come on, those are nearly impossible odds!"

"Until they become possible," Mat muttered.

"What was that?" you heard him, but you didn't like his tone of voice.

"I just can't fucking believe that you're going to move 3,000 miles away!" Mat screamed. "I don't know what I'm going to do without you."

"I didn't say that I'm definitely going."

"Wait a minute, you said, and I quote, that 'it's going to be really hard to turn down USC.'"

"Well, yeah, because I wouldn't have to pay tuition for a master's degree!" you said. "PhD's are funded, and my parents would be absolutely psyched to not have to fork over more cash. But I don't know whether I want to leave my home and move across the country. I love L.A.; it's so relaxing, and my anxiety is much more manageable when I'm there, but it's not home, either."

"Then you don't have to go! NYU is totally going to accept you," Mat said.

"Nothing's guaranteed. Even if they did, I still have to look USC in the face and say that I don't want a spot that thousands of other people fought for."

"So what are you going to do?" Mat asked.

"Honestly? I don't know," you replied, "But there is no point freaking out about this right now because I don't have NYU's decision yet."

After a moment of silence, Mat said, "Everything's changed and I hate it. I liked the way things were before. It was so much simpler when I didn't have to worry about you leaving for grad school."

You didn't know what to say, so you remained silent. Thankfully, Mat broke it quickly. "I'm sorry I assumed you were going to go to NYU for me. That was really selfish," he said. "I want nothing but the best for you, and I'll support whatever decision you make."

"Thank you," you breathed, and you both moved forward at the same time to hug each other. The future was far from certain, but you knew Mat would support you no matter what, and that was enough.