Regrets [l.h]

Six.

Chapter 6. 

As I sit down, Laurie looks at me skeptically. I scrunch my eyebrows together, giving her a confused look. Laurie shrugs her shoulders, her eyes not meeting Luke's as he sits down. Luke spins around, giving me a harsh glare. 

We are already starting and it is eight in the morning.

"Am I still coming tonight?" He says through an elongated sigh. I shrug my shoulders, not looking him in the eye.

I felt disgusted at first, god was I disgusted, but as the night went on I found myself wishing I would have kissed him rather than shoving him off of me so quickly. I can't believe I am allowing to let these thoughts about Luke flow freely through my mind without hesitation.

It's so embarrassing to admit that the one person you hate the most, you think you begin hating them a little less.

I can't feel that way about Luke.

If I ended up getting feelings for and falling for him, I would be a fool because of the experiences I have had in the past, and a hypocrite. I would be a Laurie. Look at me, already talking about developing feelings for him. This is disgusting. 

I hate him, I won't get feelings for him from a little kiss. I'm being irrational and obsessive, I can't be that girl.

Worst of all, I would let myself get caught up in the past. I know exactly what kind of guy Luke is, he is just another Jeremy along this journey I am on. He may be worse than Jeremy, and that's what scares me the most. 

I look over at Laurie, remembering her brief crush on Luke. Laurie's eyes don't meet mine, her head is bowed and her eyebrows tug together. I bite my bottom lip, turning my head back to face Luke. I open my mouth to give him a reply, but am interrupted by Laurie. 

"If you guys are hooking up, there is no need to hide it from me." She seethes, re-situating herself in her seat. I'm not the only obsessive one here I guess. 

What the hell? 

Luke bursts into a fit of laughter, slapping his thigh multiple times. "You think were hooking up?" He snorts. "I wouldn't fuck her if I had the chance," 

Ouch. 

I stay silent, I'm speechless really. 

"We're not hooking up," I laugh quietly, playing along. 

I rub the back of my neck, becoming intolerably uncomfortable with this topic. I close my eyes, trying to gather my thoughts. Luke kissed me, and now he want's nothing to do with me? 

This is how I know I shouldn't fall for him, and I never could. Luke is an asshole, not only is he an asshole, but he is an asshole that sleeps around and hurts everyone that he comes across. He intentionally hurts everyone, how can he be so cruel to everyone? 

Maybe Luke was hurt like I was, and maybe he only hurts others because of what happened to him in the past. 

Maybe I shouldn't be so awful to Luke. 

Maybe Luke shouldn't be so awful to me. 

Maybe we shouldn't be awful to each other. I laugh at the thought of Luke and I getting along, the only time we got along was when we were alone. Even then we were barely kind to each other, still making joking insults toward each other. 

I guess it wouldn't hurt to be a little kinder to Luke, my mother always told me to kill them with kindness. If I'm kind to Luke, maybe he will stop being so rude to me. 

Or he will walk all over me, either one. I don't know if I am willing to take the chances of having Luke walk all over me, I finally gained my confidence back that was stolen from me for so long. I don't want it to be shattered again by Luke.