Regrets [l.h]

Nine.

Chapter Nine.

"Where are we going?" I groan, this car ride has lasted forever. 

I felt like I have been sitting here for hours, my butt is starting to go numb. Luke hasn't said a word to me, and I am worried that he is taking me somewhere to murder me. I wouldn't doubt it really, it's Luke. 

"A party,"

"Thank you, Captain Obvious." I scoff, shaking my head at his stupid remark. 

"It's my friend's party," Luke sighs, like he didn't want to tell me. Who is his friend? I look at my surroundings, the scenery is so familiar. I am getting frustrated because I know where we are, I just can't seem to spit it out. 

Then it comes to me, a huge wave of realization washing over me. 

We are going to Jeremy's. 

"Take me home," I snap. 

"Avery, it will be fun, don't worry." 

"I said take me home," I say frantically, I don't want to ever see Jeremy again. Luke is making this more difficult than it needs to be, I just want to go home. 

I restlessly pull on Luke's car handle multiple times, tears beginning to form in the rim of my eyes. My bottom lip quivers as Luke reaches over to grab my hand, only for me to slap it away.

"You can trust me," 

"Can I?" I squint my eyes at him suspiciously, Luke has shown me no reason to trust him. In fact, he has shown me every reason not to. 

Luke doesn't answer, his jaw becoming tense and his knuckles turning white from clenching onto the steering wheel so tightly. I can tell his is getting frustrated, he wouldn't be frustrated if he would have just taken me home. 

He wouldn't be frustrated if he hadn't brought me here in the first place.

As we near Jeremy's house, my palms begin to sweat and my hands become shaky. I clench onto my jeans, trying to decrease my nervousness and fear. Luke grabs my clammy hands, rubbing his thumb across my bony knuckles. 

I don't slap his hand away this time.

"You'll be okay," Luke tries to assure me as he pulls into Jeremy's drive way. My breathe hitches in my throat and my eyes widen as I realize that I am at Jeremy's house. I'm really here. 

I haven't thought about the break-up in so long, I also haven't remembered everything he did to me when we were together. He abused me, mentally and physically. He fucked me up so badly in the head that I couldn't think straight for days. 

He ruined me, but I can't blame him for everything. I could have ended it, I could have simply said the three words that could have ended his abusive nature and his hurtful words. I could have said, "we are done." I was too scared to lose him and too scared that everything I had built with him when he wasn't out sleeping with other girls, or when he wasn't abusing me with his hands or his words would be lost. 

Though I may say I don't regret anything, I regret staying with him for so long. I regret letting him take advantage of me, I regret letting him walk all over me like I was just another crack in a broken sidewalk. 

I regret letting him hurt me, but I don't regret the time we spent together. 

I should, but I don't.

I remember that Luke's large fingers are still intertwined with mine, making me pull away. I nod, reaching for the car door handle once again. 

"Hey," Luke says before stepping out of his car. "I shouldn't have brought you here, I'm sorry." He shakes his head, playing with his lip ring. 

"I can handle it, I did for too long."

"Are you sure?" 

I give him a small nod.

"Just stay with me," 

I give him another small nod.

I don't know how or why I am putting my trust into Luke, but for some reason, I am. I want to lose Luke within the intoxicated mounds of teenagers, but at the same time I want to stay clung to him if Jeremy is anywhere in sight. 

It is going to be a long night, and I know that an unwanted seeing of Jeremy is going to manage to creep up on me. When I see him, I don't know how I am going to handle it or if I am even going to be able to handle it. 

I'm questioning why Luke is willing to stay with me all night, unless he is only saying that and planning to lock me in a room with Jeremy. That would make much more sense. 

"Why are you being nice to me?" I ask cautiously, my eyes not meeting his. 

"I know I have been a dick, and chances are I will always be a dick, but tonight I made a mistake by forcing you to come here. I thought it would be funny to make you come to Jeremy's house because I am a dick. I have no excuses, and I'm not even going to bother making an excuse. I didn't realize how fucking bad he hurt you, and I didn't realize how fucking bad I hurt you."

My head shoots up, "what do you mean you hurt me?"

"Let's not pretend I don't say fucked up shit to you, and let's not pretend that I have been practically black mailing you into tutoring me, when at this point I only come over to see you. At first it was hysterical watching you squirm, never knowing what to do or say around me when I brought it up that Misses Runnen's would blame it on you for my rapidly decreasing grade." 

Luke breathes, continuing his long speech. "To me, it was funny watching you get scared. It's not funny anymore, and it's shitty that it's not funny anymore. I don't even know why I feel so guilty every time I insult you, or why I feel like a piece of shit for bringing you here. I should be throwing a fit of laughter, not feel like shit for this." 

There it is. There is the much wanted answer I have been waiting for since the beginning of this never ending torment.

"Luke Hemmings actually has feelings," I gasp sarcastically, putting my hand over my heart dramatically. I try to ignore the odd feeling in the pit of my stomach, trying to lighten the sudden depressing mood by picking on Luke.

This is the first time I have actually seen him show little to any emotion. I'm surprised he is pouring his heart out to me, but at the same time it confuses me as to why he is feeling this way. He has never liked me, he always hated me really. What changed his mind suddenly? What makes him want to be nice to me? 

What makes him feel all of these things he says he is feeling? 

---- 

Second update doneeee! By the way, I am going back and fixing up the previous chapters because of the grammatic errors. My computer normally auto corrects Luke's last name to "Hemming's" instead of leaving it as normal.

Anyway, next updateee!

-Lanieeee