Regrets [l.h]

Seven.

Chapter Seven.

Luke's P.O.V

What the hell have I gotten myself into. 

Why the hell do I feel like making out with Avery all the damn time. 

Why the hell am I walking in the middle of the road. 

I don't even know where I am at this point, after I left Avery's house I ran. I ran until my lungs felt like they were collapsing upon each other. I should know this town like the back of my hand, but I have to admit that I'm lost as shit. 

My feet continue walking, but my mind wanders. My thoughts drift between Avery and what I said to her earlier. 

I can't believe that I admitted that Jeremy was lucky, my own best friend was lucky to have the girl I hate. I hate her so damn much.

Why do I hate her? 

I think I hate her because she knows exactly who I am, she can read me like an open book and I fucking hate that. She may not know everything about my past and who I used to be, but she knows who I am now. 

Australia is a whole other life, this is me now. 

This is me, the asshole who uses women and smokes pot all the time, occasionally popping pills to rid the pain. 

I hate who I have become. 

I was never like this back home, until it happened. It still haunts me to this day, to know he is really gone. 

I shake my head, ridding the tears that are beginning to build in the rims of my eyes. I'm such a little bitch. 

Why can't Avery just be like every other girl? Why can't she jump at me, the one girl I want to practically throw herself at me, and she won't. She's so damn stubborn and I find it funny as hell. She hates me, but not like I hate her. 

I think I hate her to mask the feelings I may potentially have for her, but I am not willing to admit that to her. Ever. 

She can't know how I feel about her, or I think I feel about her because then it ruins everything. It ruins what I have become, what I have built. It will knock the invisible walls I have built up down, leaving me vulnerable. 

I can feel the walls already beginning to crumble, the imaginary brick slowly chipping away. 

If I get close to Avery, it means she will know who I really was. Who I was before the drugs and alcohol began to consume me, when I came to America, I made a promise to myself. 

Never allow myself to get close to someone again.

And with Avery, I am afraid I will break that promise. 

I can't seem to get away from her though, I can't force myself to stop talking to her. I can't get her out of my thoughts, not even when I'm high or wasted. 

She has corrupted every bit of my mind, she is making me feel again.

And I hate that.

I hate that so much, I don't want to feel anything. I want to be numb, I want to be heartless and cruel. I want to take advantage of every girl I see and not feel a bit of remorse. Being heartless and numb was easy, feeling is hard.

--

Avery's P.O.V

My mom walks through the door, a bit of confusion falling on her face. "Where is Luke?" 

"Not here," I answer shortly. "Why?" 

"He is normally here on Friday's." My mother practically pouts. Why is she so obsessed with him? I wish she knew who he really was, the jerk he really is. 

Before my mother got home, I had time to think and clear my foggy head. 

I have realized, that I do not have feelings for Luke. I am just another pawn in his little game, and I have finally realized that. 

I don't know why I thought I had feelings for Luke, the lonliness may have been getting to me. That's exactly what it was, I have been lonely lately and Luke was the only one around to make me feel a little less lonely. If anything, he made me feel more lonliness than I have since Jeremy and I broke up.

He managed to make me feel different, and then left. He made me feel different compared to all of his other "companions" and I let him. I let him get inside of my head and manipulate me like he did with every other girl he toyed around with. 

"Well, he isn't here. I don't even know if he is going to come back," I sigh, shrugging my shoulders. 

"Why is that?" 

I roll my eyes, I am so sick of talking about Luke and thinking about him. I want to be free of thoughts of Luke, I want to be free of tutoring him. Luke has managed to invade my thoughts, invade my mothers thoughts, and invade my home. 

"I'm going to bed," 

"It's only 6 o'clock, you haven't even had dinner yet."

"Not hungry," I yell down the stairs as I hurry up them, striding down the long hall and collapsing onto my bed when I reach my room. 

I want to rid Luke from my thoughts, but it so hard to escape those thoughts because he is all I seem to think about. I want him out of my head, I want him out of my life. 

------

Woooo, Luke's pov. Finally, he has admitted stuff and began opening up! 

Here we go again, things will be picking up really really really soon! 

If you read this, thank youuuu! 

-Lanieeeeee