Friends With Benefits (Complete)

Are You Fucking Crazy?

"Aria, are you fucking serious? Are you fucking crazy?! We just lost Kayden! I'm not going to get you pregnant!" Logan yelled before shoving me off of his lap.

Logan walked over to the other side of the room and started pacing. "How could you even ask me that? Are you out of your mind?" Logan yelled once again.

"Logan, do you seriously not want another baby? I mean it would totally help the situation." I asked him. "Of course I don't want another baby! I couldn't deal with that!" Logan yelled.

"And how in the hell would it ever fix the situation?" Logan asked me. "Then we would have a baby, Logan. It would be like nothing ever happened." I said smiling. "But it did Aria! It did! Kayden is dead! We lost him! We aren't getting him back! And having another baby sure as hell won't repair the damage that has been done. It won't make things any better. It will only make things worse." Logan said.

I looked down at the floor. "But don't you want to make me happy?" I asked him. "Don't do that Aria. Don't guilt me into giving you another baby. That won't fucking work. No matter what you say or do, I will not get you pregnant. What would happen if we lost that baby too? Huh? Aria, I can't lose you, love." Logan said as he sat down on my bed.

"Logan, please. I need this." I begged Logan as I walked over toward him. "Aria, sit down sweetheart," Logan said as he patted the seat next to him.

I sat down next to Logan and looked at him. "Aria, I want you to truly think about what you are asking me. We weren't even ready the first go around. Are you seriously ready to be a mom?" Logan asked me.

"Yeah, I was ready in the first place! I wanted Kayden more than anything in the world! I wanted something to love, and something to love me back! I wanted someone who would never leave me!" I yelled.

Logan stared at me. He shook his head. "So that's what this is about. You don't want another baby, you just want somebody you love and who won't leave you." Logan said. I shook my head no as the tears begin to fall.

Even though I'm shaking my head, it's true.

"NO! I want another baby, and if you can't give one to me, then I'll go find someone who will." I said before getting off of the bed and head toward the door. Logan moved in front of me blocking the door.

"Don't you fucking dare Aria, I get it. You're upset. We both lost him. I also know that you think you are all alone in this world, but you aren't. You have me, you have your mom. You have a family!" Logan said.

"Don't ruin your life even more by conceiving a child that will remind you too much of Kayden. I know that if you get pregnant, it will only make things worse. You and I both know that. Maybe it's not the biggest thing going on in your mind right now, but it's pretty fucking important." Logan said.

" I'm sorry Logan, I had no right to ask you. I guess you're right, it's not the right time to have a baby. Especially since we just lost Kayden. Both of us are damaged. And having a baby would only make things worse. You're right, I would only see Kayden in a baby that I would have. And I know it would break me. In my worst fear would be that I would resent the baby. I know what it's like to go through that. I've seen it myself. Please don't hate me for asking you, I really am sorry. You didn't deserve that. And I'm also sorry that we had to have a little fight over this." I said.

Logan walked over to me and looked into my eyes. He shook his head before kissing me.

"We shouldn't be going through this, both of us have made mistakes in life, but we don't deserve this. I'm not saying Kayden was a mistake. But none of this ever should've happened to us. We were too young, I know that there were other kids in life that have children even younger and lose them. But everybody deals with it differently. As I deal with it differently than you. And please don't take this the wrong way, but you are more broken than I am. And I really want to help you in these next few months, even though I know it won't go away in next months but it's me and you always, processing through the past and the future that will probably have some other shit to walk through." Logan said. Logan gave me a small smile trying to make me smile. His smile is contagious. I gave him a small smile as well.