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-35- The Right Answers

Holt Jacobs

I'm a jittery mess following behind everyone as they rush the door at the end of last period.

I know in just a short period I'll be at basketball practice.

Ian will undoubtably stalk me like prey.

The thought alone triggers an uneasy pit to open up in my stomach and I know I'm just a fleeting moment from another panic attack.

The numbers have escalated. Everyday I get progressively worse. I can't shake this feeling of being unsafe. That he's here. Lurking in the shadows, keeping track of everything I do so he can dual out my punishment once they send me back.

And everyday that passes I have less control. The line between past and present turns a little more gray.

"Holt!"

I flinch at the sound of my name as I spill out into the hallway. It's too crowded.

"Hey." Drew falls into step beside me.

I'm not sure why he keeps talking to me. The amount of words I've said to him I can practically count on one hand. I can't imagine that he likes to have one sided conversations. But I can't seem to manage anything more.

"How's it going?" He asks.

I nod my head as way of an answer. I'm mostly staring at the floor as we walk, trying to make myself as minuscule as possible. I'm not sure if it actually works or not but I do it anyway. As we walk, I sneak a glance at Drew as he waves to his friends in the hallway.

I've seen Drew enough to know that he's friends with everyone but I've also noticed that he has a circle of friends that he gravitates too. That girl is in that group. Jaelyn.

Drew's telling me about the team we will be playing in a week. He says they're a decent team, we will have to work but we should have it in the bag. But I can't keep my mind focused on that because my hearts thundering in my chest and my mind is in a battle with its self.

Do I tell him?

Or is it better to just pretend I never saw him and Jaelyn making out behind a restaurant in town on my walk home last week.

He doesn't like secrets. But I can't see how telling Drew I know does anything. I barely know him. And I don't know Jaelyn or her boyfriend.

"Holt?"

The sound of my name snaps me from my thoughts and I look at Drew slightly bewildered, his secret on the tip of my tongue before I swallow it back down and try to ignore his voice inside my head.

"What do you think?" He asks.

I have no idea what he's talking about. I wasn't listening, I've made a mistake.

"I-I..." I stammer, the words unable to form because my thoughts are slipping drastically fast to the basement.

"Want to ride with me to the game?" Drew's voice momentarily stops my mind and I'm thankful. If Drew's here, I have to be at school. "I gotta drop my little sister off at my Grandma's so I can't take the bus. Figured if you wanted to ride with me you could avoid Ian being an ass. He's always wound up before games." He explains. "Says it's his A.D.D. but I'm not sure I believe him. I think he's just a dick."

Not being around Ian sounds good. I've been avoiding him in the halls because I know now that he knows all that he knows he's never going to leave me alone. And I'm not looking forward to practice or the park. Terrified he'll get physical again. That he'll start demanding answers from me. Or worse, he'll find out all my secrets. He'll find out about him.