Nothing like before

„Back home"

Heros POV
I've been back in London for three days now and I haven't heard from Jo aside the text she send me when I left that morning. I know that I hurt her and I wish I could make it up to her but trough the phone isn't the right way to do it. I wish I could see her, hug her and kiss her. God I miss her so much. Everything about her. Especially the way she made me feel. With her I always had the feeling that I would be a better person.
I am currently out with my friends eating some dinner, trying do be distracted from Jo but my friends obviously know that there is something wrong and of course they can't just drop it and have to discuss it „You and Jo would be quite cute together" my friend Dan says, I wish he would drop it because I don't feel like talking about her right now, it hurts me too much. „Hmmm" is all I say and I hope the convo is finished with that but I am obviously not that lucky. „Man, get your shit together" Alex looks at me with a serious but also amused face. I sigh because I really don't feel talking to them about it „I can't. Me in London and her in Australia..it's just not possible" I know how hilarious that sounds, there are enough long-distance relationships but I seem to be the only person that is too afraid of even trying. I know that Jo would find a better guy, someone with a better character, better behaviour and more class than me because, let's be honest, I'm still really childish every now an then. Most of my free time I spend partying and drinking with my friends, doing stupid things and just joking around. Jo is a woman with class and elegance. She works so hard and gives everything into her jobs. Always organised and always ready for everything.
„Don't act like a puss Hero come on, she's really hot you should take that chance" Dan
says with a wink. I get angry because I don't want them to think that Jo is just a random hot girl for me because she definitely isn't. Not gonna lie, I've been with a few girls only sexual wise but ever since I met Jo there hasn't been anyone and there probably won't be anymore.
„Don't talk about her like that! She isn't just a random girl I want to fuck and then leave. She is much more to me than that and you know it" I sigh in frustration, I love my friends and I know they just want to distract me kind of but I don't need this right now. I need Jo.

After Dinner I decided against hanging out with my friends tonight because I needed some time alone for myself to think about everything that has been going on in my life lately and how I am going to fix things with Jo. I wrote nearly 50 messages trying to apologise to Jo and explaining her what has been going on on my mind but I don't find the right words for her. Nothing seems to be right for her. She deserves an explanation and an apology, not a cheesy and cringe one but I don't seem to find the right words that would put my feelings the right way.
I'm really desperate and I have actually no idea who I could ask for help besides one person. Anna. She knows Jo and she knows me. She knows us, the way we've been together and what we feel for each other. When there is someone who could possibly help me in this situation it would be Anna so I deal her number and wait for her to pick up. It rings a few times and then I hear a sleepy „Hello? Hero?" „Hey Anna, how are you?" I ask her „Sleepy" she laughs „It's 4AM" shit I haven't thought about the time difference „Oh dammit, I'm sorry Anna, I completely forgot about that" „No problem Hero really. How are you by the way ? Everything back to normal ?" I think about how to tell her about Jo and Me without giving too much „Eh, yeah. Everything's all right I guess" I don't really believe my own words so I'm not surprised Anna gets it immediately that there is something wrong. „Hero come on, something's wrong isn't it ? Maybe it has something to do with Jo ?" she asks me and I'm surprised that she already knows about it. Maybe Jo told her about it ? Maybe they talked about us as well?! „How d'you know this?" I want to know from her. She sighs and tries to explain „Look I probably shouldn't tell you this but Jo told me what happened and let's be honest it was quite obvious that there was something wrong when we were all together. I mean, have you seen how much Jo drank ? She would usually  never do that." That's Anna she notices everything, „Yeah right, I know. After we wrapped, Jo and I talked about us and how we couldn't be together because I am not the type for a relationship which was just a stupid excuse because I didn't have the guts to tell her that I am desperately in love with her and totally afraid of being in a long-distance relationship...and let's be honest, we all know that she would find someone better than me. I am too afraid of all these things.." „Oh Hero, you are so much more like Hardin than you think. Why are you so insecure when Jo clearly loves you so much ? I don't get you two" I know that she's right but Jo never told me she loved me before, besides the one time when she was drunk, which she probably can't even remember. „I know it's all messy and shitty but I want to figure it out. I-i think I love her Anna. She makes me feel completely different, like a better person. With her I feel like I have a purpose and a use. I love to make her smile and spend time with her, she is so funny and makes me smile even when my mood is completely down. I really miss her...damn. I don't know how to fix this, I need to talk to her" Anna doesn't reply instantly „She loves you too Hero. She's just always been too insecure to tell you because she thought you were only interested in the sexual way...You need to tell her what you think and what you feel. She probably wouldn't want me to tell you this but she's coming to London this weekend for a photoshoot, you should surprise her and talk to her! I am sure she wants to see you just as bad as you!" Anna continues speaking but I am not really listening anymore, all I could think about is Jo being here in London and how I want to see her and be with her.
„Thank you Anna, for everything, I really appreciate it and I will figure everything out. I won't let her go anymore! And sorry again for disturbing your sleep" She lets out a laugh „Don't worry Hero honestly, you and Jo will do it. I know you too, you are made for each other! Good luck and call me!!"
Then I hang up and make plans how to meet Jo and tell her how much I love her.