The Exiled Queen

Chapter 5

(Photography by @Alassie used with permission)

It is nearing dawn when I push through the doors around the side of Locke's estate that lead to the kitchen. I don't know what to expect. Locke has several folk in his service and it's possible they would be awake at this hour. But there are no candles lit in the kitchen and the stones of the hearth are cold; an evening meal has not been cooked. Which means the masters of the house have most likely not been home for the entirety of the night.

Which also means Locke is not here. Not yet. A panic begins to spread through me. I have had no time to prepare for this and now I am unsure if I can play at being Taryn no matter the cost, as Madoc had said. I was so focused on having finally found my way back into Elfhame that I fear I have plunged into something far deeper than I expected.

I wander through the grand yet bleak halls and rooms by the earliest of morning light. Exhaustion hits. I have now been awake all night, which oddly I am now unacustomed to. Apprehensively, I climb a narrow staircase tucked in the back of the house and make my way by memory to Locke's bedroom.

I've slept here before, I think to myself now standing in the doorway to Locke's expansive rooms and regarding his empty bed. It's possible that Taryn keeps her own rooms. I don't know about the intimate parts of marriage or what is customary in Faerie, if it differs from the mortal world or not. I know Oriana and Madoc kept their own rooms. And I know that once Locke liked for me to sleep beside him. Cardan too. I will lie down...if you will lie with me...Cardan's voice echoes through my mind. I ignore it.

I step in further and soundlessly shut the door behind me. The room is dark, shadowed by what little light streams in by the parted drapes but I can still see that it is neat, the bed made. It did not look this way when I had been here last. I remember it being in quite a state of disarray. I quickly ascertain Taryn's side by the matching silver comb and mirror and hairpins that lay on a bedside table. I light a small candle I find there amongst my sister's things and stare into the flickering flame for a long moment, feeling suddenly more than completely uncomfortable.

I glare at Locke's pillow on the opposite side of the bed and then rifle through a wardrobe for one of Taryn's nightgowns. I am beyond tired yet I am very awake, I think as I climb beneath the tapestries, blow out the candle and lie down in this bed that is not mine and I do not want to be in at all. Not alone and especially not when--

"Oh no. No no no no..." I whisper into the dark, pulling the blankets up high on my shoulder as I hear footsteps on the stairs and approaching the hall. It's Locke. He's home. He's come home. To his wife. To Taryn.

Except I'm not Taryn.

But he doesn't know that.

But I do.

I'm panicking beneath the covers and trying to slow my breathing and feign sleep. I focus on thoughts of the twins. How doing this now is what it will take to help me get them back. My only chance. And how despite the completely odd ridiculousness of being here in this moment, in Taryn and Locke's bed, is far more productive toward any of my plans at revenge than what I was doing just hours ago; sitting on a balcony watching trees with a sword across my lap.

Locke stumbles into the room loudly and shuts the door behind him not too quietly. With a sigh he flops down at the foot of the bed and I hear his boots fall softly to the wood floor. I squeeze my eyes shut when I hear him cross the room and draw closed the heavy curtains. I try not to flinch when finally he slips in beside me and I feel his bare legs brush mine under the sheets. And I visualize Cardan and my crown for strength when Locke turns toward me and his hand skims over my hip and pulls me against him. Maybe...maybe I will just give it one day and one night. Maybe that will be enough time and then I will tell Madoc we must find another way--one that doesn't involve glamouring family or lying beside Taryn's husband in bed. But for now there is nothing I can do but play along.