Bonded || Kylo Ren

Episode VI: Unrested Spirits

Rise of Skywalker

"i fear my heart, and the way it trembles at the thought of you." – William C. Hannan

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She hadn't moved for some time.

The Resistance had suffered a huge loss, one that had inflicted an unbearable hole into all those left standing. To surrender would be an insult to their sacrifice. But Rey couldn't help the whisper of doubt from sowing seeds in her mind. The Resistance's numbers were dwindling, faster than the First Order truly knew but it wouldn't be long before they realised. Blood was being spilt, lives had been lost in her arms and the barbarity of this bleak war was starting to play with her mind.

Her hands were trembling against one another and her eyes unfocussed as they looked blankly at the walls of the ship. Her lip quivered at the realisation of tears staining her cheeks and the sounds of her own choking sobs were foreign to her ears. She was still tensed up, her muscles shrieking at her from how long they been working. Her feet ached, blistered and burnt from the heat and from how long she had ran. But it hadn't been enough.

They were dead.

She felt the shift. The tension in the force building around her. The sounds of her rushed breaths were clear to her now, mingled along with his.

"Your hands."

Her heart thundered in her chest, her jaw clenched as she willed the tears back – unwilling to betray any more of her emotions to him. She could see the hand that neared her own in the peripheral of her vision, the agonising memories of what stained them flashing through her mind as she flinched violently away from him.

Her whole body trembled, guilt flooding through her as she tried to calm herself.

He kneeled down beside her, far enough to not touch her but close enough for her to reach him. His face a blur as her gaze never left the walls, she couldn't look at him anyway – it would hurt too much.

"Rey?" He asked in a small voice.

She closed her eyes and found comfort in the darkness. She held back her breath, finding solace in the quiet. It was all so peaceful without the sound of her breath. Peaceful, without her to destroy it.

"They weren't meant to –"

She slapped him. Hard. The very action of it turning his face violently away from her, his cheek stained with red – from her slap and the blood that tainted her hands. He looked back at her, no anger or surprise only guilt. And she hated the way she understood that guilt and recognised it as her own.

She hit him again, her hands curled into fists as they pounded against him. He took every single hit, not defending himself when they both knew how easily he could have fought back, and she hated it. She hated him. And when those words crossed her mind, she despised how easily the rage faded and left her a vulnerable mess.

The First Order had her in their sights. The screech of TIE fighters hung in the air, blasting away at the buildings of simple villagers. A small base had been set up here, to offer refuge for the heavily injured, for the ones that were beyond healing. She had been taken them here to grant them the peace they deserved, and they were violently blow apart. Alongside innocent villagers – men, women and children who had gotten caught up in the crossfire.

Rey gripped onto him, her eyes blurry as tears formed but she stared into his eyes with despair. "I loved you," she said thickly through gritted teeth.

Ben's expression turned into something of disbelief before resuming something more of self-loathing.

"I loved you," she whispered painfully.

He said nothing.

Instead he slowly reached out to her, his fingers barely a fraction from her cheek before he hesitated. When she made no move away, she felt him carefully brush away her tears. His very touch calmed her in a way nothing else could. When the tears were gone, he moved to the strands of her hair that escaped amidst her outburst. And when there was nothing else, he gently grasped her shaky hands that were gripped onto him and stared at the blood that had begun to dry.

Her eyes returned to the walls as a numbness overcame her.

"Their blood is on you," she said hoarsely.

"Yes, it is."

She felt a material gently grazing her skin, wiping at her palms. He was cleaning her hands. When he was halfway though she placed her hand over his to stop him.

"Did you even care? Or was it when you were informed of my involvement that you cared?" The moment of hesitation was all it took for her to retract her hands from his reach. Disgust filled her, and she looked at him hopelessly. "You're a coward."

"Yes. I am." His words were stiffly spoken. There was a pause before he spoke in a lower tone. "And yet you loved me."

Her eyes were on him in an instant, unable to process his audacity. Words failing her as he looked back at her calmly.

"Why?" He asked perplexedly.

"Because I wasn't alone in the universe anymore. I had Ben Solo."

"You still do," he said thickly. 

She shook her head, emotions flooding through her. Her hand cupped his cheek, her thumb caressing the scar that bisected his face. "No, the Ben I knew wouldn't have allowed those innocent villagers to die. He wouldn't have targeted the person who cared about him, had faith in him. He wouldn't have asked me to turn against people I loved."

"He's made unforgiveable mistakes. Things he wished he could change."

"Wishing won't bring those villagers back." She slowly retracted her hand and watched the desperation in his eyes rise.

"Rey," he said desperately.

"Or me."

"I love you."

And with his final confession, he was gone.