My Bastard Mafia Leader (Completed)

I Need Time

I woke up again and it was in the middle of the night. I was out since the crack of dawn this morning. I didn't have the strength to get up right yet so I just sat there and thought about life.

After these events I realized something. I love Ashton. We've been married for 7 months and I'm just now noticing I love him. Too bad it doesn't matter. He despises me right now.

I realized I love him but I don't know if he deserves my love. He just left his wife in the middle of his enemies territory, well, my enemies territory. I know it's my fault, but that's hits a new low. He didn't even recognize that I was hurt. You think my limping would have given it away.

The more I kept trying to find excuses on how some of it is his fault the less I was believing it. I mean he is hurt worse because of me. I get a concussion and a cut and I pass out. He gets beat to the pulp and he's fine. I mean I might have lost a bit more blood but still.

"Stupid me." Is the only thing I thought.

I agreed with myself that it is time to get up. I've been sitting here for a half hour doing nothing. I need to get home. Or I guess to Ashton's house.

Ashton's POV
(Right after they escape)

"I'm sorry." I am not going to reply. I am not going to reply I kept telling myself.

"I'm sorry." She tried again. She tried a little louder. I know she was hoping I didn't hear her the first time but we both knew that wasn't true.

"I'm sorry Ashton! This is my fault. I got us into this mess." I heard her almost trip. I wanted turn around to help her like every instinct in me told me to do but I didn't. I was mad and she should understand that.

I'm glad you know it." I finally answered.

"What?" I heard her almost whisper. It broke me but I wasn't going to show her that. I am not weak and I will hold my ground.

I stopped and turned around with the biggest scowl I could muster. "I'm glad you know it. You're right, this is all your fault." I emphasized all to make sure she understood the point loud and clear. I won't stop there though. I'm tired right now. I'm tired of how everything ended up and she is the closest person.

"I told you we shouldn't have gone. I told you we would be attacked. I told you this but you didn't listen. We just had to go." I could feel my anger rising higher.

I saw her eyes water but I didn't stop. She was determined to not cry and I was determined to just make her leave me alone. I didn't want to see her.

"We could be at home safe an unharmed but because of you I'm going to take weeks to heal!" I began to use anything that would harm her. I saw the way she looked at me. She thought it was her fault. So I kept going.

"This is your fault May. This your fucking fault!" I knew I was crossing many lines but I was mad.

"I'm sorry." She said.

"I hope you are. Just get away from me. Find a different way home. I don't even want to see you." I spat out. I turned around and started to walk away. I was so close to turning around but she's probably better off if she hates me.

I love her and I have for the past month and it's most likely better if she hates me. I'm not a great person, I don't deserve her love, if she even still loves me after this, and I'm terrified. Im terrified for her. Something could have happened to her. I'm also angry with myself. I should be there for her, comforting her, telling her everything will be alright. Instead I'm running away from reality and pushing her away.

I kept walking through the forest and eventually I didn't see her behind me anymore, and it hurt. I told her to leave me alone though, I guess she listened.