Firsts and Lasts- Kliensen

First Real Conversation

And here I am posting again... having nothing to say... Let's just get on with it then, shall we?

-12 Years old-

---Evan---

"You didn't have a partner for the English project," Jared remarks dryly. He sits at the table and I don't want to talk to him.

"I know." Everyone knows. I was supposed to do the speech today, but I just kept going um, um, um... It's not like I didn't hear the names. Retard. Freak.

"Well, tell me about this Daisy Buchanan chick. What's her deal?" Why is he talking to me when he could go talk to his real friends, the ones that can actually talk back- or does he only want to talk to me because I can't- won't talk back? It's not as if I'm going to push away the one guy talking to me now because he makes fun of me, even if he makes fun of me so much that I wish he'd disappear, which I know isn't even going to solve the problem because everyone still won't like me because what is there to like? I mean-

"Or don't. Y'know, whatever goes."

I think- well, I'm pretty sure I started hyperventilating because now Jared is looking at me all weird- or maybe I was just staring.

His eyes have a little brown in them, like a little island in the middle of a rich sea or like chocolate melting on a shining, crinkled wrapper, and the chocolate is... really pretty chocolate.

"You have brown in your eyes," I blurt. "I mean- sorry, it's just that your, um, irises, they have like brown- and I thought they were, like, just green-blue sea stuff but it turns out actually they have all these different colors like gold flecks and stuff but then there's this one spot-"

"See, Evan, why don't you just talk like that in class? You have stuff you wanna say." Jared's cheeks have a bit of red inside and suddenly I wonder if maybe it's hot outside, or does he have a fever, because I don't want to get sick from him, and also I don't want him to be sick in the first place.

I shrug. I don't even know what to say- I can't get the words out or maybe but what if they don't like me or even but there's so many people or what if I can't stop, but I settle on a pathetic, "Well it doesn't matter, does it, if I do my work, right, because no one else is with me so it's not like I'm, like, bringing their grade down or anything."

I'm not looking at Jared's lips, not at all, but since I actually am, I go back to staring at his eyes before he notices. I'm not sure what the heat in my cheeks means.

---Jared---

I get these looks from my friends. Yes, I have friends. I probably won't if I keep sitting by Evan. Everyone thinks he's stupid. But he's just different.

His eyes are different, for one. He's looking at me with them now, for the first time since we met. That's my fault because I keep avoiding looking at him or talking to him. Something tells me I shouldn't, and I feel that even now. Like it's this self-preservation tactic or something.

But I like it. Maybe too much.

Even though I don't know what to say. So I just laugh. "I don't think you need anyone else, right? Who needs a partner if you can do it yourself?" I hope that cuts it.

"You had a partner." I guess it doesn't. "You're the, I mean, I think you're the smartest person but I don't think a partner would hurt, exactly, did it?" I don't know what to say to that. "Did it?"

I blow out a breath. "God, Evan. I don't know, get yourself friends." Even as it flies out of my mouth I flinch, but I can't take it back.

Evan opens his mouth and makes a sort of hurt sound. "Yeah, no, it just never occured to me, you know?"

Something about Evan makes words dart out of my grasp like mice in the path of a cat.

"I didn't know. You didn't seem to mind existing in sweet solitude." When in doubt, attempt wittiness.

Evan pulls up his shoulders like a turtle retreating into its shell. "I didn't- what do you mean, I didn't seem to mind?"

I am so dumb. This is why I don't hang out with Evan. Because I can't talk to him without messing things up. I stand up with a sigh. "Get some friends, Evan. You deserve them."

Evan's head turns up, and I can feel his eyes on me as I walk away, making my feet move, move, move.

X X X

It was the last time in a long time they had a true conversation.

I lied. I do have something to say. It is my firm belief that a teacher or educator should have faith in the theory of evolution. I don't care what your religion is, but if you are going to be EDUCATING other people, please don't tell me God created man as we are today.

Not meant to offend anyone, just,,, I'm mad, can you tell?

                     -The Worst Writer on Wattpad