Firsts and Lasts- Kliensen

First "I Love You"

Sorry for publishing late, and thank you fangirl-of-letters for calling me out. Though I get why some people don't like to be nagged about updating, I fucking love it because it makes me feel like you care what happens. Nag away, my pansexual gay.

-20 Years Old-

---Evan---

I curl around Jared's pillow, pulling it to my chest. The soft, powder pink fabric smells very like the multitudes of bathbombs Jared keeps in this bathroom because he likes to eat them, which I don't understand, but I let him anyway.

"Almost the end of summer," Jared murmurs, tapping my nose gently.

"Yeah." I don't know how to introduce the conversation I want to be having right now, because, yeah, it's nearly the end of the year, and yeah, I think I love Jared- really love him, not just like.

And I applied, somehow hoping and I got in somehow and Heidi refused to let me go somewhere else because she wants me to be happy... I don't know how to ask.

The scrape of metal against the wood makes me lift my head and look down to where Jared is sitting on the floor next to me. Jared holds up a penny he's just picked up, rusted, and winks, raising and eyebrow. "Penny for your thoughts?"

I watch his fingers deftly spin the penny on his fingers and catch it back in his palm, perfect and clever and just like him, my heart racing. I tap my fingers on his pillow and swallow, wanting to say it, but what if he doesn't feel the same and I fuck up what we do have now?

Instead, "Can I dorm with you next year?"

Jared, for once, is caught speechless, his penny clattering to the floor and his fingers fumbling to push up the glasses he started wearing again- for me- finally stuttering, "I- Mark Evan Hansen, what the fuck are you saying?"

I look away, staring out his window that looks out to the college campus, crawling with students. "I-I applied here and Heidi- my mom- um, she works more now- I do too so I- more money, you know and I... can I dorm with you? Next year? I mean, it's totally fine if you, like, already have a roommate, it's just- I just- I- why am I still talking?"

That right there is exactly why I never, ever try to talk without figuring out what I want to say first, but Jared doesn't seem bothered, and he never looks at me oddly because of it except for fun and it's always teasing- except now looks, well, different because he's just straight up gaping. I give him a nervous smile, hoping it doesn't wobble.

"You did that just to go to college with me?" Jared asks finally. He doesn't say it like it's a bad thing, I think...

Sometimes you just have to be brave, I guess. "I." I swallow again, even though if anything, my mouth is dry, completely. "I love you? So, um. Yeah- mmph."

Jared pretty much pounces, no joke, like I'm about to run away, which obviously I'm not because he's just, I'd never ever run away and I literally just told him I love him.

---Jared---

I have no words. So I pin him down and kiss him like he's everything. Because he is.

I kiss him like his lips are oxygen. I kiss him like he'll be gone tomorrow. I kiss him like I want him forever. Because I do.

And when I pull away, I tell him that.

"Fucking. Hell." My breath comes short as I rest my forehead against Evan's, my eyes so close, his eyes probably hurt because of my prescription.

"Evan. I love you, I love you. Forever and ever and ever. I- You're magical, you know that?"

I could survive solely on the material happiness in Evan's eyes. They light up like a fucking anime character.

And I can see him everyday, even during the school year! I won't have to wait until the weekend!

"Thanks. Um. You too." Evan's cheeks turn bright red.

I feel one of his hands on my waist, and I tip my chin up to connect our lips, hands sliding into his golden brown hair.

Then, on impulse, I pull him down onto me, grinning into the kiss. Evan exhales a sharp breath as I feel soft blankets on my back. I have to hold myself up on my elbows to reach Evan's mouth, because Evan, the ever too-considerate bastard, doesn't come down to meet me. I think he doesn't want to crush me.

"Come on," I tug him down, and Evan does lower his body over mine, looking embarrassed.

Bad idea. He's so warm and soft. Not to mention we're kissing... so I might have a situation right now. He's lying on it, so to speak.

His eyes widen when he feels it somewhere around his navel, I think, and I do the first thing I can think of, of course: give a wide grin and a cheeky wink.

"Jared," he breathes against my lips, shifting against it nervously. I just smile up at him.

Then I move my hips. Just a little. No biggie. But oh my god, it feels amazing, even though my jeans and his khakis are still between us. I can tell Evan is hard too, right against mine.

I keep going, listening to Evan's breath get faster and faster. "God," I hear him breathe, "Ah- I love you."

I scrunch my eyes shut. "The name's Jared." And then, "I love you too."

XXX

That would be the last time they didn't have to wait until the end of the weekend to talk to each other.

Also I'm thinking of changing my updating day to one day earlier- so I've been doing Sundays, and I think I'm going to try for Saturdays. Just. by the way.

-The Worst Writer on Wattpad