Firsts and Lasts- Kliensen

First Make-Up

Just broke down in tears in the middle of a very busy food court in Japan, where people pride themselves on being publicly put-together.

I tried so hard to be happy...

I failed, obviously. But like, why couldn't the tears come when I made it to the bathroom? Why couldn't they have waited three more minutes?

-20 Years Old-

---Evan---

I don't get it. Get what? I hear Jared drawl in my mind, something more like what Jared would say than anything he actually said during the entire time we were together.

I don't understand any of it, like why would he want me freaking out about things and why does he think I should talk to him because he'll regret the offering as soon as I open my mouth, so I really was doing him a favor by not.

Not saying anything. Not-

Does-

Maybe he thinks I wasn't trusting him with anything? But if I told him, he'd leave and never talk to me again because I'm such a mess to care for, such a burden and-

Maybe I don't trust him, at least, I don't trust him not to leave, it's just... won't he leave?

Oh. Shit. Well, he already left so I guess that's the end of that, but he can't expect someone like me to talk to him about stuff like that- right?- especially when he makes me feel like he's putting up a wall between us, or a filter, like he doesn't trust me either or something like that. I don't know- I still can't stop thinking about those words he threw at me like broken pieces of glass: You can't! You can't even sit with your back to the restaurant.

I throw my hands up in anger or disappointment or frustration or, just, I can't even tell at this point- that's not normal is it? Or is it?

Maybe time will pass me by until it all seems so small when I look back; six small best months of my life where Jared kissed me almost every day, even if it was just a goodnight peck, and even sometimes more than just a peck.

I want him back so bad, all of it, even if that means the fake smiles and comments as soft as his lips and- his lips, I want his kisses, not to get off track, but those, each of those wonderful, heavenly kisses. I just, I want him.

If I ask to talk or something even though it's been two months is that clingy- or wait, is it too late to talk if you haven't even talked for two months?

~~~

Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, there are so many people, here at the college campus, and I don't even belong here and none of them know me, so what am I going to do if someone comes and asks me are you a freshman? Because I definitely look like one with my hands that won't stop fiddling and I can't stop- oh my God.

People start streaming out of the classroom down three doors- do you call it a classroom in college?- and I know that's Jared's class right now.

That's him, right there, his brownish hair and his no-glasses green-grey eyes that send my heart stumbling down into I-don't-know-where... fuck, I should go, really, because, just, well- who would really want to talk to me? If he hasn't reached out- maybe he'll just ignore me.

What if he ignores me and all these people just stare at me like, like I'm crazy and don't belong here, because I don't?

"Oh, dear God, you're freaking out, aren't you?"

I blow out a sharp breath. "Jared."

---Jared---

Evan looks this close to flipping out, I kid you not. And I am this close to pinning him against the nearest wall and kissing the breath out of him.

Maybe probably he's still pissed at me. We haven't spoken since that one terrible dinner...

"Look," I say, "I miss you."

Evan's shoulders are curled up around him and his head is tucked into his chest. "Can- I want to talk, but just, somewhere else?" His wide blue eyes flicker with panic as they scan the college campus.

"Yeah, sure Hansen. You remember my class?" I throw an arm around his shoulder and draw him away from the gardens.

"I- yeah."

Evan came to my fucking campus to talk to me. And then he told me he wanted to move. He told me. My heart won't stop flying in circles somewhere above the clouds. Holy gay.

"So. Um. You remember high school?" I grin when Evan just shoots me this look. "Well, yeah, okay. Did you know I liked you for pretty much the whole time?" That's my olive branch. Evan's eyes go wider than is humanly possible and he stares at me.

"Oh my god, Jared. Oh my god."

"Is that the only phrase of astonishment you know?" I don't jump to my second thought this time. It's like shedding a wet raincoat.

"I- Jared."

"Yes, that's me."

"I missed you too."

I grin, ducking my head just a bit. "I didn't mean to be like that. I just didn't want you to leave- you know, after all that high school crap I pulled, so I figured, maybe you'd like a different me."

Evan's whole face flushes, but he's smiling. "I like this you."

I pluck a rose from a nearby rosebush. "I like this me too."

"Jared-"

"Fuck off, no one will notice." I pluck the thorns off and hand it to him. "No one manages the gardens."

The rech red petals stand out against his blonde-brown hair as he tucks it behind his ear.

"Um, date me?" I shove my hands in my pockets.

"Just be you, and I'll be me?" Evan eyes me hopefully, hand still touching the green stem.

"Sure, Sam Smith." I wink. Evan laughs, quick and fast. "Okay."

XXX

That was the last time in a long time the two of them kept their first thoughts in favor of the second.

Just saw Frozen Two and I loved it. I gotta say it still shocks me that the same people who wrote The Book of Mormon are the ones behind these songs, which have a completely different tone and mood. But I can say with certainty that I could feel the connection very much during Lost in the Woods (Johnathan Groff). They must've been high. I loved it.

Thank you again for reading!!

            -The Worst Writer on Wattpad

     P.S. HAHA I remembered

P.P.S. You're welcome I can't keep anyone in angst.