Firsts and Lasts- Kliensen

First (and Second) Proposal

Thanks for still reading, I love you so much!! And this chapter does NOT have mature content, so go right ahead, my innocents.

-23 years old-

---Jared---

I can't say I know what Evan's anxiety is like. I know how he acts when he's anxious. I don't know how he feels. But right now, in this moment, I have my own brand of anxiety. I think I might throw up from nerves.

Evan and I aren't the type to do fancy dinners. I learned that a while ago. He doesn't like people, pressure, the expectation of something more. I don't feel like I can be me in a constricted environment.

So I figure, propose during lunch. Our first date was lunch. And propose in the grassy meadow because Evan loves the trees around it.

And Evan wanted to have a picnic today anyway.

And I'm nervous.

I'm anxious.

I'm scared.

Sure, we've been dating for years. We're still young. He's still perfect. He still might not want me.

When we get there, the meadow is relatively empty. There's so little human activity that the birds allow themselves to sing and fly. It's really sweet.

"How about..." Evan watches two birds chasing each other around as I examine the terrain. "Here."

The grass here is full of daisies, pale and white, dotting the grass like sprinkles on ice cream.

"Sure," Evan agrees quickly. His voice is a little louder than normal. I don't know what he'd be nervous for, except... he knows I'm about to propose?

My suspicion only grows as lunch goes on. Evan made these wonderful, adorable sandwiches with no crust- he doesn't like the crusts- and even though they're tiny, it takes him a really long time to eat one.

I pluck daisies mindlessly, forming a small pile, and Evan smiles, using them to form a daisy chain, long, haphazard, and adorable. He doesn't speak. I wish I could tell you what is happening is his brain.

Sometimes we're quiet, but it's peaceful. This isn't. The air between us feels charged, or is it me? Maybe it's just me.

"Done," Evan announces. He hands me the chain, looped in a circle, and I take it from him. Drape it over his head, a small, dainty flower crown.

"You're fucking adorable."

Evan ducks his head, blushing. "Sh- shut up." My heart dances in my chest.

Then he shifts, moving from sitting on his ass to- now he's- oh fucking hell- he's kneeling.

He's got this little black box in his hands.

Holy shit.

Holy fucking shit.

---Evan---

Jared makes my anxiety better. Around him, my head spins and my heart skips and beats and my stomach drops and swoops, but he makes me more comfortable.

Not now. Because right now, I'm more anxious than I have been in my entire life, and I feel odd about today too, like for some reason Jared is off kilter too, and that I don't understand because he didn't even crack a joke or smile that terrible smirk-smile to himself as if maybe he wasn't even joking to himself in his head.

And here's the thing: somehow I'm braver than I've ever been right now too, because now, even though my thoughts are racing so fast I can't catch it and my heart is the only thing going as fast, I'm suddenly talking.

"Will you marry me? Because- God- I mean, I love you and I just- I love you and it would be wonderful- I'd love it if you'd spend the rest of your life with me."

Jared gapes at me with this utterly shocked, blank but happy face- I can't describe it- it's like white tinted and edged with this gold that just flutters onto the blank white and I think it's a good sign- I think. Maybe. I hope so.

"Okay." Jared looks like he's laughing at something I can't see, but it's not scary because he's got this look in his eye that's so wonderfully bright. "Here's the thing."

My heart plummets for a second because I think he's about to throw an excuse at me- here's the thing: we're both too young to get married- here's the thing: I like you but not enough to be sure about marriage- here's the thing: I came here to dump you- here's the thing: you're stupid.

And then out of Jared's pocket comes a small box just the same size as mine and he's asking me, "Will you marry me?" even though I pretty obviously will and then I'm tackling him with kisses and he's pulling me so close I think we'll merge into one person somewhere in the coming days and we're engaged.

XXX

That was the last time in a long time either one didn't have an engagement ring sparkling on their hand.

Thank you again for reading!! It's almost over... I'm thinking about leaving it with firsts. I don't think I can handle angst-writing (honestly speaking, I don't think it would work. I can't write sadness in any way, shape, or form...)

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