COUNTRYHUMANS ONESHOTS (COMPLETED)

oh finally a request

1070 words

9/26/2019

Ok so dumb headcanon time:

If countries don't have states/provinces/territories, their kids will just be their top 10-20 biggest cities. 

"What time is it?" America lazily sat up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He had fallen asleep on the couch again, his bag of flaming hot Cheetos lying forgotten on the floor. Either he was watching anime or doing something with Japan.

Speak of the devil... "It is One, you need to get up. I called your boss, you are getting a day off," said country yelled from the kitchen, which was right in front of the living room. America groaned, rolled onto the ground, and stood up. He searched the ground for his pants and shirt before giving up and just walking into the kitchen in his boxers.

"Mornin'," America said walking into the kitchen, where he was flooded by bright light from the open curtains. Birds were peacefully chirping as upbeat pop music played from a speaker on the kitchen counter. Japan was making food, smelled like a soup thingy. The country bounced around the kitchen, rotating from stirring the contents of a pan to checking on a teapot.

"It is afternoon, but it is nice to see you up," Japan said, not even looking up from his cooking. America chuckled, walking over to his boyfriend. He cuddled him from behind which effectively trapping Japan's arms to his sides. "A-Ame, I need to cook." America giggled. His boyfriend became so flustered from any physical contact.

"Noooo," America whined, hugging his boyfriend tighter. Japan sighed, easing into the American. He rested his head on his chest and looked up into his eyes. Japan hadn't gotten any sleep and his dark circles only made it more obvious. America sighed and lightly kissed Japan on the forehead. America cradled Japan closer to him, making the other country let out some sort of purring noise.

An extremely loud National Anthem snapped the two out of their trance, making America grab his phone and Japan resume his cooking.

"Hey, wazzup?"

"Oh thank god," Poland's voice said from the other line. He was clearly stressed.

"What's wrong Pol?" America asked. He was beginning to get worried. Poland was never stressed out that badly.

"Oh nothing, just that Ger and I are going on a date tonight and no one is watching Poly," Poland whispered. "I was going to surprise him, but he keeps track of the sitter. America, I know you and I aren't the best of friends but-"

"Jap and I can watch him," America said cheerfully. He loved kids, and he was pretty sure Japan did too.

"Good. I'll be there at around 4."

After he hung up, Japan snuck up behind him and rested his head on America's shoulder. "Who are we watching?"

"Oh, just Poly."

"America, you know I hate kids," Japan said, moving his finger in a pattern across his back.

"No, I didn't."

"I will just stay with Nekomi," Japan muttered.

"You don't have to. I'll do most of the hard work, you can just entertain him sometimes. It's only for the evening," America leaned his head back giving Japan more room on his shoulder. Japans warm breath tickled his neck.

The teapot erupted into shrill noise, causing Japan to jump up and hit  America's chin. America rubbed where Japan had hit him while Japan went and poured the tea into dainty porcelain bowls. He checked on the pan of soup and also emptied it into a bowl, this time a taller, black one.

Japan motioned for America to sit down at a little table in the kitchen. America sat down on the plastic chair. Japan grabbed the soup bowls and set them down in front of America and his chair, same with the tea. He then sat down and daintily sipped from his cup. The two enjoyed their breakfast, which was green tea and miso soup. America tried to start conversation, but in the mornings Japan always seemed lost in his thoughts so he gave up.

"Hey, Ame?" Japan asked, drinking his second cup of tea.

"Yeah?"

"When is Poly coming?"

"He said 4," America said. "Why're you asking?"

"I just want to make a good impression. This house needs to be ready for guests at 3."

---

"Japan, calm down," America gently rested his hands on the shoulders of his pacing boyfriend.

"I know, but I can't. I'm sorry, I'm really not good with kids so-"

"Shhhh. You'll be fine," America pulled Japan into a hug.

The doorbell rang.

"Coming!" America and Japan shouted simultaneously. America rushed ahead of Japan and opened the door.

"Rica! Rica!" a small child wearing overalls jumped up and clung onto America.

"Hi Poly," America chuckled, setting the girl back down. Her white eagle wings fluttered indignantly.

"Poly," Poland crouched down, getting to his daughter's eye level. "Be nice to America and Japan, ok?"

"Mkay!" Poly said cheerfully.

Poland smiled. "That's my girl." He stood up and looked at America. "Germany and I will be back by 6."

"Don't have to much fun!" America joked. Jap slapped him on the back of the head and whispered something about 'being inappropriate'.

Poly waved her dad goodbye before turning to the two of them with a wide, toothy smile. She inherited Germany's sharp teeth, which made it look more menacing than it was. "What'd ya want to do?"

"Do you want to watch a movie? Maybe a TV show?" Japan asked, smiling brightly at the child. Poly beamed and nodded, following Japan into the living room.

---

"SEND HER TO THE RANCH!" all three screamed at the TV. Dr. Phil was talking to a young girl who was in tears because her mother was a bitch. "RANCH RANCH RANCH RANCH RAN-"

"You didn't lock your door," Germany said, slipping into the living room.

"Oh hey Germany," Japan said while the other two still were screaming about the Ranch. "Where's Poland."

"In the car," Germany said. "Poly, it's time to go."

"Awwwwww," Poly huffed. Everyone had stopped chanting about the Ranch.

"Don't worry kid, I'm sure Germany and Poland will let you watch Dr. Phil," America smiled.

"It's only fun with you guys, I'm always with Dad and Papa," Poly complained, pressing herself into the couch. Germany walked over and picked up Poly, walking out the living room.

"Thank you America and Japan," Germany called after them.

After Germany closed the door, America excitedly turned to Japan. "Can we-"

"No," Japan said, unpausing the Dr. Phil episode.

"I actually want 50, but I was going to start at one," America said.

"10 at max for me," Japan said, leaning to America. The two exhausted countries fell asleep while Dr. Phil was sending the poor girl to the Ranch.