Perfume • Woosan | Ateez

e l e v e n

I can't say  g o o d b y e
Someone tell me  w h y

• • •

SAN exhaustedly leaned his head against the pillow next to his grandmothers head. Hongjoong and Seonghwa had thankfully been allowed to take her home, even before San had made it home himself. He had walked home the way he had always walked with the gray haired boy, only this time with Wooyoung not being there next to him and without going back to class for the rest of the day first. After he had pushed open the door to his home, he had taken of the headphones in which he had played music on full volume the whole way back, kicked off his shoes and headed straight into her room. His oldest brother and his boyfriend were probably upstairs, but this was the only place he wanted to be right now. He also didn't want Hongjoong to immediately notice that he had skipped the rest of his classes today. San couldn't explain why, even though his grandmother was obviously a good excuse to take, but he also didn't want to lie already. He had this feeling that Wooyoung wouldn't come home today and he would just tell everyone, that he had no clue where their newest foster brother was. Everything else would just be too complicated to explain.

Only the thought of more lies made San wish for a time turner or something, but even if he could turn back time, he was not sure if he could go through with forgetting about the touches, kisses and sweet whispers in the end. Because even though Jung Wooyoung kept on tearing on his heart, his desire to be with the gray haired boy still hasn't died off. It was the exact opposite to be honest. This feeling of being drawn to the boy more and more had never felt more alive since the second Wooyoung felt further away from him than ever. People always wanted most, what they couldn't have. San didn't know where exactly he had heard that saying, but it was so true, that the words felt like a thousand paper cuts in his heart.

His grandmother was sleeping so peacefully, that he had approached the bed only very slowly and as quiet as possible. The last thing he wanted to do was to rob her off her much needed rest. San had laid down next to her then, like he was this innocent little boy who just wanted to build legos with his grandfather the whole day again. The moment he had closed his eyes some lyric of the song he had last listened to came back into his head. They spoke of feather like lips and eyes of which dreams where made of and San painfully got reminded of the text message he had woken up to this morning.

my rockstar 💕
Good Morning, Choi San.
I dreamed of kissing your lips.
Hope you slept as good, as me.

San opened his eyes as fast as he had closed them, unlocked his phone, opened the chat he had highlighted to be on top and read the few messages they had exchanged until now. Wooyoung was the one who had texted him this morning, so what got into his head again? San shook his head a little to remind himself not to reminisce anymore, because he had done that the whole way back home. He had no answers for all of this and his headache was already big enough, so he just wanted to forget everything that was going on for a moment. He wanted everything to stop hurting. With one click San deleted the chat and even thought about deleting his number for a moment, but he couldn't. And even if he could, it wouldn't make much of a difference. The number would still pop up in the group chat with his brothers from time to time. He did change the silly name he had saved the boy with back from my rockstar 💕 to Jung Wooyoung, before locking his phone again. Then he went back to just laying next to his Halmoni with eyes closed. Just listening to her regular breathes calmed him down slowly. At least she was all right.

San spent almost two hours next to his grandmother, before managing to leave her room again without her waking up to catch him in her room. He didn't want to make her worry about him, because all she should care for the next few days was her health. The moment he left her room Hongjoong noticed him being home before the others. He was walking in the direction of the kitchen just as he stepped out of the room, so San couldn't do anything else but to take the lecture that was going to hit him. As his oldest brother turned to his direction he lowered his head to be able to try blocking out the words that would follow better, which is why he got surprised by the sudden arms that pulled him into a hug. »I told you I'd take care of her, didn't I?«, the slightly shorter male told him in a quieter tone, so that they wouldn't wake up Halmoni, who was still asleep behind the door they were standing in front. He didn't sound mad at all, which was a big relief to San. He couldn't bare another fight today. »Come on, Hwa prepared lunch for us«, he added and with that Choi San got pulled into the kitchen and actually had lunch with the usually absent boys.