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"are ya happy?"
a red and green sparkle whines up into the sky and spreads sudden against a clear night. you cross your arms over your chest and lean back on the wall of your apartment balcony. another year is gone, another month, another day. you wipe your hand under your nose and shut your eyes.
"should auld acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind?" keith slides open the balcony door, singing like a howling dog, and grabs your arm with his free hand, a glass of scotch in the other. "should auld acquaintance be forgot and auld lang syne?"
he swings you around with a scream the french could probably hear across the channel. but you only slump into him, sour and grasping for his shoulders. you regret saying yes when he asked to spend new year's eve with you. catching you by surprise, he'd shown up at your door a quarter to midnight with your favorite pink chardonnay and whiskey for himself.
you've known keith a few years, after you joined your photographer friend at a who photoshoot. keith had latched on to you, exuberant at the attention you gave him. it's the first time you've rung in the new year with him.
he plants a wet kiss to your cheek and envelopes you. finally still, your hands paw at his. a purple firework explodes like splattered, bright paint and keith lets an exaggerated gasp of awe echo in your ear.
you sigh his name, using him for support as you lean back and wallow. his eagerness itches your irritation. you wish you could rewind the clock a couple more days. you aren't ready to start all over again.
"hey," he says. "i brought them roman candles you love so much. you wanna set them off and see if we can hit anybody?"
you shake your head and think about it: you just want to drink. leaning back against him, you brush your cheek to his, warming at the bristling hair.
"you should shave," you tell him. your body is a hum.
he breaks from you and takes your hand. "and you should smile. let me know," he says your name. "are ya happy?" his huge brown eyes beg for your mouth's movement. you always thought keith looked like a little kid, especially when he wore mod turtlenecks and bounded over pete playing leap frog.
you tilt your head to the side. behind you, more fireworks erupt in loud bursts and color echoes on keith's face, tinting him red and gold and green. a small frown develops on your face. "i don't think so, keith. i'm scared."
he doesn't even ask, only lets you drink from his scotch glass until it's all gone and the ice bumps into your lip. "more?" that sting slithers into your system, followed by a pleasant buzz.
you shouldn't. if you drink, keith will drink. you know you'll only last a few glasses, but keith's an alcoholic. he scares you when he's drunk.
"let's sit on the couch. i'll think about it."
he follows you back into your apartment, where the air is a warm hug and you can shed your layers of clothing. keith throws his coat over the back of the sofa.
"no use in pretending," he huffs and slumps against you on the couch. you bring your arms and legs around him, so you can hold him full-bodied.
"what?" you almost forgot how good it is to be with him, when he has no distractions, no reason to entertain. all of your focus drains to him and he lives off of it. you tuck his hair behind his ear; he's grown it out a little.
"pretending you're satisfied. open the wine i got, will ya?"
without moving him, you grab it from the coffee table along with the bottle opener. twisting the cork off, you press the opened wine in front of keith's nose, for him to get a waft. without hesitation, he snatches it from your hand and takes a heavy gulp.
"hey!" you snatch it back and hide it between your body and the sofa arm. keith laughs loud.
he quiets quickly and turns to face you in the cocoon of your limbs. "smile at me."
you show him your teeth.
his thick eyebrows meet and he giggles. "ooh, lass, that's not smiling, that's a grimace."
this time you do laugh and he reaches up and tugs at your cheek like an old woman. "there it is. now take a sip, give yourself a break." and he nuzzles and reclines back into you, grabby for the auburn container of whiskey just a little too far away on the table. he, and you, opt for the wine instead, taking turns until he gives you the last drop and you open the second bottle, repeating it all over again.
the noise of fireworks fizzles out into silence and you wrap tightly around keith.
fuzzy, you almost shout, "thank you for coming over. i didn't want to be alone tonight."
"yeah, yeah, yeah. i'm not gonna let you be alone, any time soon. i'ma stick to you like those, whadda ya call 'em?" he pinches your calf and you laugh. "leeches! like a leech."
and you keep laughing until you're drained of laughter and the contagious sound disappears from keith's mouth too. his body is very warm and his breath carries the sound of the room. your hands leave his shoulders to press over his heart and find its quick rhythm.
you don't remember falling asleep, but in the morning, keith is cast atop you on the couch. a bright sun glows through your windows, the first sunshine you've seen in a long time.
