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Meteors To Heaven, pt 2 (sad)

1 months later
Zhuang was going through his stuff because as usual, Daoming Feng was busy with work. She had invited Shancai to help. She was going through his drawer in the bedside table when she found a letter and a book that looked like a journal. She unfolded the letter. It was in his handwriting. She started reading.

To whoever finds this letter
If you're reading this, it means I'm already gone. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. I'll be going to a better place now and I won't be a bother anymore. If you find this letter, please give it and the book to Meizou and Ximen. Thanks.

She still hadn't gotten over Si's death. She had realized that she loved him, not Lei, a minute too late.
She had realized the night he had jumped. She had been on her way to his workplace to tell him. She was almost there.

That's when he jumped.

She had seen it. She had seen him falling. But she couldn't do anything but stand there staring, shell shocked down to her core and her mouth gaping.
She had seen him hit the ground.
She had seen all of the blood, his blood, staining the ground.

She had seen him die. And she had been standing there, powerless to change anything.

He hadn't known that she loved him. He thought that she still hated him. And that was her fault, and she had realized that. She had wanted to change that.
But she was too late.

As she opened the journal, tears started falling.
She turned to the first page.

She hates me and she's made that clear now. But I can't move on. I still love her. I don't know why, but I do.
It hurts.
She started dating my best friend a month ago. Every time I see them, it hurts.
But I can't do anything about it.
I've tried and tried, but each time, she pushed me away. I think it made her hate me even more, so I stopped. But it's still terrible to be standing here, stuck in this position, not being able to do anything.

No one knows how badly it's affecting me because I hide it. I build up a nutshell around me, hiding all the darkness inside. So far, I haven't broken yet, but it's only a matter of time.

I've been like this before. But it's never been this bad.
And I don't know what to do.

Page 2
Today, I saw them at the cafe. They saw me too. I could tell that I was making them uncomfortable.
I left as soon as I could. I didn't even get my usual coffee.
See, that's the funny thing. It seems like even the universe is against me. I come to this cafe every day to get coffee, and never before have I seen them here. And yet, once they start dating, I see them in that specific coffee shop at that specific time.
Is my luck just that bad, or is everything in this world really against me?

When I got home, it was really bad.
I started cutting again.
Most people- or normal people- would be horrified if they knew. But it's weird. It doesn't hurt. Or, it doesn't hurt nearly as much as the emotional pain. Because the emotional pain is so immense that it numbs you into not feeling anything. So, in a really twisted way, watching the blood wash down the drain is kind of comforting, because then, you're feeling something besides the emptiness.

This is the only way to not feel the emptiness anymore. But it's a really bad way.

I fear that if a miracle doesn't happen soon, I'm actually going to end up leaving.
But no one cares. No one even knows. They won't take a minute out of their day to just listen.

I can't get out of this hole by myself. I need help.
But there's no one there to give it.

The next couple of pages were written on, but the ink was blurred and illegible because of dried blood. She didn't want to think about where that came from, but deep inside her, she knew.

Page 7
I haven't written in here for a long, long time. I just haven't had the motivation to. I haven't had motivation for anything for about the past two months. I've been just sitting here, completely useless and devoid of life, so I've made up my mind.
I'm just a bother to them. I'm a bother to everyone, including my own mother.
So why not make their lives easier? Why not just remove myself from their lives when they hate me so much?
I'm going to leave.
There's no point in waiting for the impossible to happen anyways.
She hates me. She'll always hate me. She won't miss me. She probably won't even notice anything changed.
I bet neither of them will.

A year ago, she agreed to try dating me for a month.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow is April 1st. The day the time limit was up. The day she told me she still didn't like me. The day we broke up.
The day she said she would never like me.

The day she told me to get out of her life.

So now, I'm finally fulfilling her wish.
I'm leaving.

Page 8
I have to do this. To my sister, if you even care, I'm sorry.
Goodbye.

That was the last thing written in the book.
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