Diary of a One Sided Lover | JJK FF | (Completed)

I choose myself

I wish I could tell you the reason I ignore you... I want to let out these feelings but I take a step back in fear of rejection... things may get more awkward between us... I have this ray of hope that you and I can become "We" when I see you jealous...Can I just hope you take the lead?

Dear Diary,

I'm so glad that we're finally done with our presentation...no need to wait after lectures I can come home early yay! Our hard work was much appreciated by Miss. Vernon, she had to after all we put in so much of effort!

Did I tell you our act was recorded?

And I don't know why on earth did I tell mom about this.

From the time I've come back from school she's pestering me to show the video.

Who does that?

Anyway pestering me is pointless I don't have it..

Jungkook hasn't sent it.

I won't be able to watch it at all!

Already find myself cringey on camera and standing next to Jungkook?!!!

A BIG NO

I'm never watching that

Mom is pretty fond of Jungkook. It's not that they have met before but she's heard about him from me.

And that makes me realise I speak TOO MUCH about him!

I didn't thank him today in class. I was just in a fix whether I should text him or not finally after a lot of thinking I texted him ' thanks for today :)' I had to add the emoji because I thought sending a plain text would be rude

While I was getting too impatient for his reply I kept myself occupied by guessing all the possible replies

'Welcome'

'there's no need to thank me, it's a team work after all'

'it was great working with you once again'.

While my mind was at all this a message flashed on the screen.

My heart started beating faster I didn't open it immediately, as I didn't want to look desperate. Unable to control myself for about 2 to 3 minutes I opened it.

'what thanks and all' with a laughing face emoji. I was a bit taken back, I didn't expect this. I just send a smiling face that's it. Waited for him to read it. He read after about a minute or so..

I deleted the chats...

The laughing emoji ruined everything or maybe I could say he's worst at drafting messages or using emojis?

Did I crack a joke?

I felt I wasn't taken seriously.

Who replies like this?

What if I had confessed my feelings?

I would become a laughing stock?

I didn't want to get affected by anything.

Are my feelings SO dependent on someone?

When did I give someone the authority to decide how should I feel?

I need to choose myself between all this.

For Jungkook it was nothing but work to work encrypted...

I overestimated what I had with him..

I need to think what's best for myself and right now the best for me is stay away from Jungkook. I got to know my place, where I stand in his life.

Ok I'll leave all these broken hearted conversations aside...

Did I tell you we have our class photo and farewell coming soon?

I mostly won't be going for the class picture.

Jade too won't be going. I don't think I've told you about Jade, she's one a good friend and I definitely can count on her. I was thinking what do I wear for my farewell. There's no theme as such so it leaves me with more confusion.

Not again Jin is banging the bedroom door asking about the video.

How do I get this video thing out of their minds? Else they can't remember anything about me this they properly remember. Seriously this is driving me crazy!

Ok I need to deal with Mom and Jin
Much love
Y/N