Wretched Choices

Chapter 33

#WretchedChoicesWP

Chapter 33
Safe

"I don't know if I'm ready to see my daughter's heart broken, Jeric..." My mother sounded so forlorn that it was breaking my heart into a different level.

I knew I should had left when I got the message that their conversation wasn't something I should hear, but I couldn't help it. I wanted to eavesdrop and know what they were hiding from me. Kapag tinalikuran ko ito ngayon ay alam kong hindi ako mapapakali. I would experience another series of sleepless nights until the arrival of my father. Hindi ko kaya 'yon. Baka mabaliw ako sa kaiisip.

"Kung nakikita mo lang kung gaano siya kasaya nitong mga nakaraang araw. I don't think I can wipe the smile off her face..."

"Naiintindihan ko, 'mmy... Pero wala rin tayong choice kung hindi ang sabihin sa kanya." Sa tono ng boses ni Daddy ay alam kong nahihirapan din siya. "That's why I'll be there with you to tell our daughter the truth. It'll be better to do it that way."

Umiling-iling si Mommy. Mukhang hindi pa rin talaga siya kumbinsido. Her expression couldn't hide how worried and anxious she was. Even my father couldn't calm her down.

"I don't know..." Nag-aalangan pa rin si Mommy. "Pakiramdam ko ay dapat hindi na tayo nagsinungaling sa kanya. That it's better if we told her the truth from the start."

"Alam ko, pero hindi lang naman natin ito tinago sa kanya dahil lamang gusto natin. Hiniling din ni Mama na sana ay wala munang alam si Keia," paalala ni Daddy.

The lightning had finally struck my heart when my father mentioned my grandmother. I was trying to avoid that realization, but now, it would be impossible to dodge it. It was already right in front of me.

"Kumusta na ba si Mama riyan sa bahay?" biglang tanong ni Daddy sa gitna ng namuong katahimikan.

Tumango-tango si Mommy at nahagip ko ng tingin ang kanyang bahagyang pagngiti. "She's actually doing well... Lumalabas-labas pa nga sila ni Keia para maipasyal sa subdivision," sagot ni Mommy. "But she had her check up earlier at the hospital and there are really no signs of improvement like the last time."

Sa puntong 'yon, pakiramdam ko ay gumuho na ang buong mundo ko. All the hopes and dreams were shattered into tiny little pieces, over and over again, until it turned into despair.

No signs of improvement when all this time, I thought she was finally getting better?

I didn't want to be too optimistic, but seeing how other people survived cancer, I was very hopeful that it would also be the case for my grandmother who's been fighting it for quite a long time. Like experiencing drought, once the scorching summer has ended, rain will fall and bring abundance to the deserted land. But unfortunately, it wouldn't be the case for her...

"He said that all we can do is to count days..."

Sunod-sunod at walang pahintulot na bumagsak ang mga luha mula sa aking mga mata. Nanghihina ang aking tuhod. Kung hindi ko itinukod ang aking kamay sa pader ay baka nga tuluyan na akong bumagsak dahil sa panghihina.

Count days? Count days until what?

Once the doctor gave up, do they really expect that the family of the patient would give up as well and do as what they told us to do—to count the days left?

Dinig ko ang bayolenteng pagbubuntong hininga ni Daddy. "Puwede ko bang makausap si Mama? Gusto ko rin siyang makita."

"Tulog pa siya kanina nang bumaba ako, pero sandali lang at titingnan ko..."

Magkukumahog na sana ako paalis bago pa ako makita ni Mommy na nandito lamang at nakikinig sa kanilang dalawa ni Daddy, pero naisip ko na mas mabuti nang makita niya ako. I wanted to know more about my grandmother's real condition and the only way to know it was to talk to my mother.