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daichi,
tomorrow is the day you leave for university. shit, it's a quarter past midnight which means that, infact, today is the day you leave for university.
i know i keep telling you that i'm happy for you, which i am by the way; i'd never lie to you. but there's this tiny part of my that keeps asking; but what if he stayed, went to university closer to home?
don't do that. don't sacrifice your future for me, don't sacrifice your future for some third year high school student.
fuck. i'm crying now because i'm getting to the part where i tell you that i'm going to miss you.
i'm going to miss you daichi, so much. i'm going to miss when you would wait for me at the school gates, just so you could walk me to class.
i'm going to miss the way that you used to try extra hard at volleyball practice when i came to watch.
i'm going to miss walking home after club together, stopping by coach ukai's store to buy pork buns and sweet tea. walking by that place isn't going to be the same without you.
i'm going to miss everything about you daichi. you have made every moment that i've spent with you magical, but most of all, i think i'll miss sleeping with you and i mean that literally (also sexually but to a lesser degree ;)).
laying down at night and hearing your soft breathing next to me was one thing you do that got my heart to pound a mile a minute because simply being with you is exhilarating.
maybe that's why my heart is pounding right now while i'm sneaking glances at you between words. you look so cute with your cheeks squished against the pillow and your lips every so slightly puckered.
i wonder what it will be like tonight when i come home for the first time since you've been gone and i have to sleep knowing you're halfway across the country?
the simple answer is that i probably won't get much sleep.
i should make up for that now by leaving this letter here, sneaking it into your backpack and curling up against your chest but there's a few more things i need to say.
thank you for being my first love.
thank you for teaching me what it feels like to truly love another person so much so that going even a day without them feels like spending years apart.
thank you for making me a better student, a better child, a better friend and over all a better person. you are an anomaly daichi sawamura, you are a bright light in a dark and dangerous world that so many unfortunately succumb to. please don't change.
and finally thank you for loving me, no matter the circumstance. whether i was tired, in pain, angry, or unable to love myself, you loved me and that's the best thing anyone has ever given me.
even if distance proves to be too much for our romantic relationship, i hope that no matter what you're always my friend.
