Endless: REWRITTEN

1. Amethyst

Robin

Do you ever just sit there in a singular moment of time, sort of dozing off into space and you remember that time is a conceptual invention by man because we naturally have to organize and categorize things in our heads to make some sort of sense of it because we can't handle letting things just be?

Once more, nearly everything in society is a social construct to categorize these things. Everything from race, nationality, sexuality, gender, age, and disorders? The last time I was asked 'where are you from?', I didn't know how to answer the question. Manhattan? That's where I was born. Or is it deeper than that? My family originated from Scotland over a hundred years ago on my dad's side and my mom's side is from Greece. Or could they be talking about spiritually? Do I believe in the big bang theory or is there some weird guy up in the clouds making simulation people out of us all?

See, people don't ask me for my thoughts that often because my answer lies somewhere around that area. The idea of existentialism and the fact that if I didn't exist right now, another version of me will just be born somewhere else. We're all just living a past or future life of someone else. But when I tell my therapist this, he looks at me like I just smoked a bunch of crack before I walked into his office.

It goes something like this:

"I... I meant 'how do you feel today', Robin." You can tell the man is trying to be patient. Noel Daniel was assigned to me over a year ago and he's been regretting it ever since.

"Well..." I ponder. "When I woke up this morning, I thought there was a demon watching me sleep, but it turned out to be my brother's girlfriend sneaking out of the house."

"Cheyenne, right?" he questions, and I nod. "Did she scare you?"

"She's a five-foot pixie sprite. She wouldn't scare me if she had a gun."

She's exactly who I expected Mordecai to date, to be honestly. When we were younger, he was always attracted to girls who listened to country Taylor Swift, wore asymmetrical dresses for no reason, and got colored braces to win a prize at the orthodontist's office. That girl-next-door that every twelve and forty year old had a crush on. I mean, she's nice and she makes him happy, so I'm not complaining, but I can't say anything about her without him wanting to kick my ass.

"Anything new with you and Mordecai?" Noel asks, writing on his yellow notepad.

I press a finger against my lips, contemplating. "We had a fight the other day."

"Oh?" I know Noel just eats that shit up, so his posture improves, not just absentmindedly listening anymore. "About?"

"So I made a pizza, right? From scratch. I told him I used dairy-free cheese. But I didn't."

"Okay, is he vegan?"

"No, lactose intolerant." I crack up. "Oh, he was so mad at me, but there's only so much fear you can instill in someone from the bathroom, y'know?"

"Robin—" Noel sighs. "We've been over this. Stop using trivial things to cover up how you're actually feeling. You don't have to, you're safe here."

"The last time someone said that to me, I almost had a prison wedding. Man, that's a funny story—"

"Have you really talked to anyone about anything personal since you've been diagnosed?"

I frown. "You know the answer to that."

"Other than Vanessa."

"No," I chuckle, feeling warm all of a sudden. "Why would I?"