Endless: REWRITTEN

19. Bloodstone

Robin

During my stay at the hospital, Mordecai visited me twice. One, the day after Natalie first came, two days into my stay. And two, to pick me up and take me home. Both of those times were not pretty. So let's back up to the first time.

I'm told that I have a visitor, which is refreshing news from the typical 'time to take your pills, sweetie!' I do have to give it to them, though, because of my suicide watch, I've been put on some pretty heavy medication to get my thoughts nice and clear before they dial back the dosage. And I don't feel sad anymore; I don't feel anything anymore. Everything gets an opinion of indifference, and I'm always either tired or filled with emotion from talking about my fucked up head. It wasn't easy at first. The first time I took them, I spent an hour staring out of the window before someone brought me back down to Earth, but each time I'm getting better at handling them.

All this being said, I don't think Mordecai was looking for 'indifference' when he came to see me. In fact... actually, just watch.

"Wow," I smile. "Just like old times at the prison, right?" I take a seat at the table, but he hasn't even made a move to sit down. If I looked like shit, Mordecai looks deceased, like he hasn't slept in two months.

"Are you serious?" he asks, clearly distraught.

"Yeah, I mean, it's like a throwback. So... catch me up. How's work? How's the pixie sprite?"

"I don't understand..." he mutters, more to himself than me. "Y-you try to kill yourself, and you have the audacity to ask me how I'm doing?"

"You look tired," I note. "I hope I didn't cause too much trouble."

"Why are you nonchalant about this?" How he went from muttering to shouting should be a class he gives, he did it so well. Even I had to flinch. Even the guard standing next to the table gave him a glare.

"Shh..." I hush. "You'll excite the others."

"Robin, stop bullshitting me for once!"

"Don't yell at the patient," the guard snaps at him.

Mordecai completely ignores him. "Why didn't you tell me you were feeling this way?"

"Why would I?"

"Because I'm your brother, why wouldn't you?"

"You're only my brother when it's convenient for you," I tell him harshly. "That's why I moved out. I didn't want to be an obligation anymore."

He manages to simmer down. The rest of the conversation goes more smoother. He asks me if I'm doing okay, if there's anything I need, the usual questions you would ask your loved one if they went psychotic. At that point, I thought that Mordecai has accepted that this is the way things are. He didn't seem as angry anymore.

But he was still angry. He just knew he couldn't cause a scene in the hospital without getting kicked out. He's smart like that. But the second time he comes to see me is when he has to pick me up after my thirty days are up, which is today. My dosage has been lowered by over half and I'm finally coherent and thinking straight. Or as straight as I possibly can in my state. The world isn't a giant cloud anymore, and now that I'm not feeling that, it makes me a little irritated that I had to go through such an intense dosage at the beginning. I'm sent home with a prescription for Celexa and therapy sessions twice a week until Noel sees improvement in my behavior.

I have to be picked up by a family member and Mordecai is only available after six, so I don't get to leave until then. After we pack my things into the trunk of his car, he asks if we can just drive around for a bit. I accept, because I know that this is hard for him to understand, me being here. I'm usually extra careful to make myself disappear when he's around, and I'm truly surprised he didn't just dump me at my studio and called it a day.