infatuation // lashton

09

The pain,

It's determined and demanding to ache;

But I'm okay.

~The fault in our stars, Troye Sivan

~~~

Luke has never been good with his feelings.

He'd spent the majority of his life being angry at the world; he didn't really think that there was any other emotion to be felt.

But then Ashton came along. He was so different; it astounded Luke how he seemed to be so comfortable in his skin, how he had a happy outlook on life. And Luke started feeling things; and it felt weird and wonderful and Luke decided that maybe having emotions wasn't such a bad thing.

But when he found Ashton curled up in a broken little ball in his back yard, he genuinely didn't know what to feel. Luke was overcome with a crippling amount of emotion; someone that beautiful should not cry.

After holding Ashton until his heart wrenching sobs eventually turned in to small hiccups, Luke managed to coax the whole story from him.

That's when Luke let his temper take over.

"Where is the fucking bastard?" Luke demanded, his tone causing Ashton to flinch.

"I- I don't know." The smaller boy's eyes were blown wide in fear again.

Luke closed his eyes and tried to compose himself, but the bubbling pit of anger in his stomach only grew larger. He swiftly scooped Ashton up in his arms and carried him back in to the house. Ashton mumbled incoherently in to Luke's shirt as the taller boy carried him up the stairs.

Luke's heart nearly spluttered to a halt when he saw the condition Ashton's room was in.

"Did he do this too?"

Ashton whimpered softly and pushed his face further in to the crook of Luke's neck, "Yes."

Luke sighed, "I think it's best that you sleep at my house tonight, love."

~

"Are we almost there?"

Luke glanced over at Ashton. He thought that Ashton looked particularly beautiful at that moment, the street lights illuminating half of his delicate facial features. Luke thought back to the first time he'd met Ashton, he thought back to how Ashton's eyes all but shimmered under the light of the stars, and okay, he really needed to stop thinking about that if he wanted to avoid getting in a car crash.

"Yes, just a few minutes."

He heard Ashton whisper a small 'Okay' before the low hum of Luke's (Michael's) car engine filled the silence.

"Lukey?"

"Mhm?"

"Am I a bad person?"

Luke's brows furrowed in confusion, "What? No, absolutely not. Where did that come from?"

Luke saw Ashton shrug out of his peripheral vision, "I don't know. I didn't think bad things happened to good people."

Luke felt his heart shatter a little and he reached over and placed his hand on Ashton's knee.

"Bad things shouldn't happen to good people, but they do. Like, a lot. Too much. The world is full of shitty and fucked up people, and sometimes they feed off of other peoples sadness. It's disgusting, it's fucking revolting, Ashton. And I'm so fucking sorry that you had to experience one of those people first hand. You deserve the world and then some. And I'm sorry that that happened, I'm sorry that I wasn't there earlier."

It was deafeningly silent for a moment, until Ashton's small voice was heard, "It's okay. I'm okay."

Luke brushed his thumb over Ashton's kneecap, "You don't have to pretend you're okay, Ash. You're allowed to be sad."

Luke wasn't exactly sure if he was saying that to Ashton or himself.

"But I don't like being sad. It makes my heart hurt."

Luke sighed, "When I was little, and my mom still cared about me, she'd tell me that sometimes you need to cry your heart out to make room for smiles. And fuck, I can't stand seeing you cry, but if there's one thing I've learned from you, it's that it's okay to feel."

Luke heard a small whimper come from the boy and looked over just in time to catch him wiping away a fresh wave of tears, "Oh no, no no no fuck I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make it worse-"

"Luke," Ashton cut him off and placed his tear-stained hand on top of Luke's, "It's okay. You didn't do anything bad. I just- you're so- like, nice, and understanding; I don't get it."

Luke let a small smile spread across his face and he brought Ashton's hand up to his lips, gently placing a kiss on his pinky.

Luke laughed, "This whole 'being nice' thing is new to me, so."

Then, once again, the calming hum of the car's engine was the only thing audible between the two.

~ {sorry for the time skips i can't write for shit}

"I've never been in an apartment on the top floor before."

Luke laughed and looked down at his shoes, shuffling them against the main lounge's shitty carpet, mentally cursing himself for being so goddamn awkward.

"I guess today is your lucky day then."

Luke then mentally punched himself in the face because 'no you fucking idiot, today is not his lucky day'.

"Shit, that's not what I meant-"

Ashton laughed, "It's fine, Lukey. I'm okay now."

Luke felt Ashton's long fingers trace his palm and slowly intertwine themselves with his own. His whole body lit up with sparks, his stomach twisting in the best way. He looked up to meet Ashton's eyes, which he could tell held uncertainty. He have Ashton's hand a small squeeze and smiled, "Let's get you to bed."

Luke then led Ashton up the few flights of stairs and to the door of the cozy little apartment. He dug around in his pocket and fished out the spare key Michael had lent him. He attempted to unlock the door the best he could with one hand (there was no fucking way he was letting go of Ashton's hand), and after a few awkward seconds, he managed to jiggle the door open.

"Michael, I'm home! If you're wanking then I hope to hell you locked your door this time-"

"Jesus, Luke, we have company!"

Luke turned to apologize to Ashton for the inconvenience, but when his eyes landed on the smaller boy, he noticed that his frame had gone rigid and his eyes were glued on a pair of steel-toed boots sitting on the shoe rack.

"Ash? What's wrong?"

Ashton's jaw went slack and Luke could tell he was trying to form words but nothing was coming out.

"Luke come meet my friend, he was on my football team last year, you might know him!"

Luke tugged Ashton in the direction of the living room, but he wouldn't budge.

"Ash, are you okay?"

He didn't respond other than a small shake of the head. Luke dropped his hand and whispered a quiet, "I'll be right back, don't move," before heading down the short hallway to the living room.

"Hey Luke, meet Calum."

Luke's eyes landed on the brown haired boy and he stopped dead in his tracks, his vision going red and his stomach churning.

"You-" Luke could not put his anger in to words. "You're fucking dead, you sick fuck."

~

A/N

Sorry for the shit update. They'll get better, I promise.

I'm also really sorry for any dumb mistakes, I'm tired & sad and want ice cream

I still don't know why people are reading this story, I love you guys so much wow xx