cruel summer

four

i don't think about you all the time, but when i do, it's a dream come true.

the smell of coffee and cheesy nachos took gilbert back to most evenings of senior year. it felt strange coming back here, it was the place he and anne had went two days before he told her he was going to boston. he had bought her a caramel latte and a croissant, and she had laughed when he told her he had burned his finger while bringing her drink over to the table. she had leaned over the table to press a tender, loving kiss to his lips which he hadn't been able to stop thinking about after he had gotten home that night. it all felt real when he spotted her sitting at a booth, and at first he thought he was dreaming again. but when he looked back, she was still there.

she looked terrified, he could tell she was panicking. she really doesn't want to see me, huh? he thought to himself.

anne hadn't seen gilbert since the day he left last summer. she had been thinking about the ways this moment could end, about how much she would love to yell at him. but she was too scared, so she said a polite excuse me to bea and climbed out of the booth and ran out of the back exit. she knew her friends wouldn't come after her, they knew not to.

she leaned against the wall, breathing heavily. was she really having a panic attack over seeing him? for some reason, yes. she was in an alley way, full of bins and garbage bags. it probably wasn't safe to stand out there on your own, but she didn't care. it was the only place she felt she was able to breathe.

the door creaked open, and she heard someone step outside. she was going to say something, but then something in her mind told her not to. they stood in silence for a moment, anne staring at a garbage bag that lay by her feet in order to avoid the desperation to look to her side to see who it was.

"hi." the voice said, quietly yet so clear her heart almost burst out of her chest. the voice of a person who would be able to recognise anywhere. the voice she had missed.

"hi." she whispered, lifting her head up and glancing at him. he had grown a couple inches, he looked a bit more masculine, but he was still the same old gilbert. his hair still in messy curls, his brown eyes as wide and puppy-like as ever, his lips....she had missed those. she glanced away again, feeling the overwhelming urge to cry.

"it's been a while." he said, leaning against the wall beside her. he made sure to keep a small distance between them, he didn't know how she would react if even just their shoulders were to touch. when she didn't respond, he spoke up again. "how have you been?"

"great." she lied. she folded her arms over her chest,  resisting the urge to look at him.

"i'm sorry." he blurted out. he had a whole apology planned out for if he was to ever see her. now she was standing right beside him, he had forgotten it.

"for?" she questioned, turning to glance at him. she hated to admit it but she had missed him a lot.

"leaving. hurting you. not calling when i got there. avoiding you during christmas break. i could go on." he said, a long sigh escaping his lips. he really was sorry, but it wasn't like he hadn't tried to contact her.

"you were home during christmas break?" she questioned, realising she didn't even know. he was home, and he didn't try to see her.

"yeah, for like a week. i didn't see anybody, except charlie. i was scared to see you...i didn't know what we were. friends? acquaintances? because it felt more like strangers." he explained, turning to his side to look at her. she wasn't looking back, though.

"oh." was all she said. he wanted an apology from her, because she hurt him too. but he didn't want to get mad at her, or raise his voice. because she was right there, and it was the most he had seen of her in almost a year. the longer they stood in silence, the more irritated he got. is she really going to act like she didn't do anything wrong?

"is that it?" he asked her, his voice calm. she didn't look at him, but her eyebrows were raised.

"what do you want me to say?" she asked, playing with her fingers.

"oh, i don't know, maybe that you're sorry too?" he asked. it was then that she looked at him, giving him a look that he knew meant what do i have to be sorry for?

"what for?" she asked, folding her arms over her chest.

"are you serious?" he questioned, trying his hardest to be calm. "anne, you broke up with me. i wanted to make us work! we could've worked!"

she stared at him, she couldn't even form a sentence. she knew it was bad timing, but all she could think about was the feeling of his lips on hers, how he would plant small kisses all over her face to make her laugh. she hadn't really thought about how she might have hurt him.

"not to mention the fact every time i tried to contact you, you ignored me! which is why i took to texting diana just so i knew that you were getting my messages. you hurt me too, anne." he said, the last part coming out quietly. she didn't know how to respond. "you know for a fact i liked you from the minute i heard you singing on that park bench, even through the months where you hated me. even through the boyfriend you got, through the girlfriend i got. i waited so long for you, and i know you waited for me too. so why did you break it off? do you know how much that hurt me?" he continued. "being in boston has been driving me crazy. all i can think about is you, every time i see someone who even remotely resembles you i think it's you, hell i even keep dreaming about you. you can't tell me that for even a second while you've been away you haven't thought about me."

anne's eyes were wide with disbelief. did she really have that much of an effect on him? she wanted to cry, but she also wanted to kiss him, she wanted to run away but she also just wanted to tell him she missed him and fall right back into what they had last summer. but she knew that it wasn't going to be that easy.

"i don't know what to say." she said quietly. he let out another long sigh, running his hands through his curls which she knew was something he did mostly when he was irritated.

"you could tell me how you've felt. how you're feeling now. just something." he sounded desperate, and exhausted. she thought about her answer, trying to tear her eyes away from him but finding it difficult.

"i have thought about you." she whispered. she wasn't very good at expressing her feelings, but she was going to try. "i can't stop thinking about you. do you know how terrified i've been to come home? i didn't want to see you, gilbert. i didn't want to let myself fall back into what we had last summer, because we will both be leaving again and i can't get attached to you again. i broke up with you because being with you, but not being physically with you, was too much. i didn't want to put that strain on us. we had been dating for three months, we weren't ready to be so far apart. i don't think we ever will be. i just....i didn't mean to hurt you. but you hurt me. a lot." she let out a breath she hadn't realised she had been holding in, before the overbearing feeling of anxiety hit her. "i have to go."

before he could even respond, anne had ran back into the café. she apologised to her friends, grabbed bea and they made their way home. the walk home was silent, bea not wanting to intrude or invade her privacy. but she knew it was to do with gilbert, and anne was probably going to be quiet for the rest of the night.

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hiiiiii!
so there's like a complete different vibe in this one i know but it will get better soon ! just gotta remember they've been part for almost a year n haven't talked in that time !
i hope ur enjoying so far :)
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