Stone Cold Heart

♡ Chapter 6 ♡

Two days later I was released a day before the reunion. When I stepped in the door, he held my hand and but his other hand on my backside. I limped on the crutch as I came in the house. Mackenzie wasn't home because she was sleeping at Marissa's for a few days while Scott and I spend some time together. He was being very attentive and sweet to me. I felt genuinely happy. I haven't smiled in months, from what he did but I have to admit these past three days have been paradise. We had the best day today.

We chilled under the covers, as he held me close to him. He would play around and tickle me. Then we would wind up making out for a bit. We didn't get far with things because my foot was still sprained and I had to be resting it for 3 more weeks. At the end of the day, we cuddled while I laid my head on his chest as we talked. I asked
"Do you remember when we were kids and we used to in the teacher's bathroom and make out?" We both laughed at the memory.
"Yeah baby, I remember. The chemistry teacher Mr. Clark would wonder why I was 30 minutes late to his class sometimes"
"Yeah my history teacher did to"
"You remember when we used to sneak around your parents and they almost caught us?"
"Yeah, and when you left my room one night, somehow dev knew. I swear it I didn't say a word."
"What did she say?"
"She was like 'I'm not stupid I know he was here I can see and smell him on you, yo I was so embarrassed when she left"

We both laughed our asses off at that awkward moment. Then I smiled at his changed eyes that is now greenish dark blue. They are that way when he is happy when it's a neutral feeling it is his regular color, crystal blue. I nuzzled my nose on his warm neck and lay my head on his shoulder as his fingers ran through my short black locks and in the midst of silence, I just thought of our past and what we have gone through in the past few years. But I feel like it was my fault because I feel like it started when had that miscarriage when I was sixteen... Mackenzie would have been a big sister. What's worse is that I can't take it back. I wish I could. If I did would our lives be different? I ask myself that question every day, and I still think of my little Dillon, how he would be looking all cute. It hurts to know that I won't hear my little boy laugh. I won't get to catch him before he falls. I won't get to see that gorgeous smile of what could have been the smile that I have made.

Most importantly... Scott was right. I broke this family. He warned me not to do it and I did. I just didn't feel like I was ready for another child. I acted on a stupid impulse. I just had a Mac and she was only one and a half years old. I couldn't keep going to school and raising a kid practically on my own, because Scott had to work so he can provide for his family. I know he wanted a son so badly and my stupid ass destroyed that dream. He lost his first son over me.
I rarely see him smile anymore, but when he does, there is always pain behind it or a catch to it, like this entire week. He has treated me like nothing but gold, but I know that behind it is a facade that he is manipulating in me. He wants me to feel happy so my parents...better yet anyone know that our marriage and I'm in pain caused but his very explosive unpredictable possessive behavior.

I hate that side of him but when I take a step back and think about everything good about him and us, it reminds me of why I choose to stay. It's because I love him and I don't want us to end. He is supposed to be my first and last and no matter what people say, I won't leave him until it's his or my time to go. I understand why he is the way he is, but the alcohol just makes it worse. But on someday, I think I deserve it. Others I just want to run. But I have to fight for my baby girl...my family. I want her to have a happy family and I believe that someday we will be that. While thinking of all of this I didn't realize it but Scott had just fallen asleep. I cut off the light and I went to bed, with my head on his chest. Before doing so I kissed his cheek and whispered "I love you" to him although I know I wouldn't get a response, I tell him these words.... because I don't know if he would believe me after I tried to kill his only child. What if it was me how got all the pain thrown to me at that car crash scene. I wish I took her pain of a sprained arm.