I love you, so I forgive you.

ILYsoIFY 1

Jlo. That's my queen. Forever. I am in Chemistry class and as usual, I'm not paying attention to what the teacher says. I am daydreaming. About Jlo this time, which is by far not the first time. I have been a huge fan since I was 10. So that's 7 years now.

I am in my final year at school and when I finally will get my graduation paper, I don't really know yet what to do. Possibly I'm taking a sabbatical year and just go travelling.

"Riley, what do you get when you add some oxygen to this liquid of titanium?" Shit.. I don't know the answer.. "Sorry, sir, I have no idea." I say. "Hmm, that's weird, because it looked like you were really paying attention, so I expected you to know the answer." "Uhm.." I can only say.

"No, seriously, Riley. Stop dreaming and pay attention from now on. You'll need this information for your test next week and more important, for your exams in May." the teacher says. "Okay, sir, it won't happen again." and I stare to the board with all those signs and numbers I don't get.

This will be a tough our. A tough week. A few tough months. But I am going to make it and then I will hopefully be free for a whole year! I say to myself. That helps me to stay focussed.

After class I am walking home. My house is not far from school, just 20 minutes walking, so I'm usually walking instead of cycling or taking the bus or car like the most students.

Seeying the fact that I don't have my license yet, and I want to save my money instead of spending it on 2 bus tickets every single day, I'd rather walk. It clears my mind too.. My mind goes to a wonderful place. Much better than my home.

When I get home I see my dad. He, like always, is drinking beer in front of the television. "Hey dad, I'm home." "Finally! Please do the dishes for me, I'm not feeling alright."

"That's not very surprising since you're already drinking alcohol at this time of the day and all you do is watch TV all day...." I mutter.

"What was that?!" my dad is angry now. Again. Like always. "Nothing dad, I will do it in a minute." I walk to the hall to go to the toilet. Suddenly my dad screams: "Do it now!".

I walk back and do the dishes. I do it quick and maybe not so perfect, but my dad won't notice. When I'm done I quickly run upstairs, go to the toilet and do my homework.

At my desk is a picture of my mom. She died three years ago. I was 14, but I remember it as if it was yesterday. It was terrible. My eyes get all teared up while thinking of her. She died. My mom. My best friend. My everything...

I remove the tears with my sleeve and walk to my bed. I look out of my window and enjoy the snow falling down softly and slowly. It looks so peaceful it makes me smile. I feel very happy for a brief moment. Unfortunately that moment is being disturbed by my father who screams it's time for me to go cooking.

Ever since my mom died he is very different. It's like the joy left his soul. He's been drinking ever since.. He doesn't want to talk about her. I have to do all the jobs in and around the house.

I feel sorry for him and I want to help him, but I don't know how. I'm scared of him. He makes me do everything, and if I refuse or do something wrong he gets angry. I hate that, but I love him, so I forgive him.