I love you, so I forgive you.

ILYsoIFY 6

This night I had a dream. My father died. He killed himself because he couldn't handle my mom's death. It was the most horrifying dream I've ever had!! It seemed so real! I did saw my mom. That was a beautiful moment in my dream. She looked like an angel with all white near her & white clothes. She looked so peaceful! I hope she really lives in peace in heaven.

When I woke up, I was crying. My aunt came to me and hugged me while she softly sang a song. That helped a lot. I did wanted to call my father that morning. Just to make sure to myself that nothing happened to him. I hope he will come home soon! Healthy and the same funny and kind man as he was before my mom passed away.

I walk downstairs with Christie and she makes us breakfast. It's saturday now, so I don't have school. I do have to work on my english essay.. 1500 words! Ugh.. I have been working on it for 3 hours this week and I'm currently on 800 words.. 600 to go. That will be like 2 hours or something. Anyways.. I will have plenty of time left to do things I love.

"Honey, I gotta go to work today.. It won't take long, I think I'll be gone for 4 hours, okay? Why don't you go somewhere with Jazmin?"

"I gotta finish my essay first. Maybe I'll call her afterwards."

"Ah, okay, you're so motivated for school! I'm proud of you!"

I smile. Well, I just wanna leave this school asap, can't bear all the boring classes, drama queen cheerleaders, hot basketballers that don't EVER wanna date someone like me anyway.. So I could beter just leave this school and do something I really like.

Christie leaves the house and I work on my essay. After a few hours I've finished it. Yaaaassss!!! Finally! Freedom!! I call Jazmin. "Hey Jaz! Do you feel like doing something today?"

"Heyy babe! Uhm.. I'm sorry! I uhm.. Have a date."

"WHAT?!? You didn't mention a potential guy to date before!! What is he like??"

"Sorry, should've told you before of course. She is uhm.. very sweet and -"

"-wait... Did you just say 'she'??"

"Yes..." I can sense that this is difficult for her to tell me. Maybe she's affraid of my respond.

"Ohh Jaz!! That's amazing! I am so happy for you!!!! Do you already know what to wear?"

"So... You're okay with it??" she sounds so happy!! Adorable!

"Of course I am, silly!! So what are you gonna wear?"

"Don't know yet.. I will send you pics on whatsapp!!"

"Okay I will help you! Let's continue on whatsapp then. Bye byee baby!! Have fun!"

"Thanks Rye!!"

Even tho I am really, really happy for her, I feel weird. I never realised how it would be if she would be a lesbian.. If she would date a guy, I would feel less lonely I think. Now I know she's with a girl all day and maybe the evening too, I kind of feel.. Replaced. The idea that there's a girl who she probably loves more than she loves me, even though we have been best friends for 6 years now. We feel like soulmates, sisters. It's so weird that she is going to have a girlfriend. But like I said before: I truly am happy for her! She deserves a good relationship. I guess I'm just overreacting.

Probably I'm still too emotional because of this dream I had. And I'm tired because I've worked on this essay so hard! And I'm still a little overwhelmed by the fact I got to babysit Leah Remini's daugter the other night and that Leah is so sweet to me.

I decide to take a nap until Christie gets home. I think I can rest for one hour or something like that. Tho I am a bit scared I will have another nightmare, I fall asleep quicker than I expected.

"Please stop!!!" A guy is on top of me. He pulls my clothes off. "Stop it!! I don't want this!" He doesn't listen, and continues what he was doing. Suddenly a woman appears and pulls the guy off me. She's screaming. It's dark, I can't see her face. Then I faint. "Riley! Wake up!! Riley!!"

"Wake up, Riley!" I wake up. Christie sits on my bed. Shaking me softly. "It's already time to eat, you were sleeping when I got home, so I just let you sleep, you seemed so tired." Damn... What was that dream? Why am I dreaming so much weird and painful things lately?

"Oh.. Okay. Thanks, I was really tired indeed. I'll be downstairs in a couple of minutes." I say. Christie kissed my forehead and leaves my room.